If your 5 year old needs to tone it down?

[RH1979]

Any advice really appreciated. I have just been told at parents evening that my daughter is very bright and is 'flying' at everything they ask her to do. (I dont want this to be a post about how clever my child is, just giving background). She is an only child (but now 10 weeks pregnant - hooray.) However, the teacher went on to say that she is very outspoken about what she can do, has done and needs to give other children a chance. She went on to say that as she is academically ahead of a lot of them, this can be a bit disheartening for them and in the long term she doesn't want my daughter to loose friends.
It is awful to think she could be disheartening the other children but equally I do not want to discourage her in her school work. Is is a case of trying to make her a bit more sensitive? and if so how on earth can I instill that in a 5 year old?
I feel like I am focusing on the one negative aspect of the parents evening but cant get it out of my mind. Any help appreciated xxxx

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As she is obviously quite bright I think you can be honest with her and explain that all children have different abilities and reach different levels at different stages. I would explain that although you are very proud of how hard she works and how well she is doing at school that some children might feel hurt if it is pointed out that they aren't doing so well.

I always say to ds that we are all different and that whether someone is on the pink or orange reading level it doesn't really matter what matters is that you try your best and are kind to other people.

Thanks dolls house. Might even quote you on that! I hate to think of her as being bossy or thinking she is better than the other kids. Hopefully a word in her ear will help.

I think this is only natural in a 5yo (they boast about being the tallest for heavens sake ). I expect she will learn to adapt when she is older (7 or 8). I agree that you can remind her that it is as important to be kind as it is to be clever (or pretty/arty/fast runner/tall/rich etc), but I expect she will forget in the enthusiasm she has for getting an answer right.

In terms of instilling sensitivity in a five year old, you could also make a big deal about praising her when she does something kind or selfless (etc).

I'm sure you do already but maybe ramp that side up and tone down the 'achievement'-type praise (just a little, not suggesting you ignore it altogether, but toning it down a bit won't dishearten her about schoolwork).

At that age, praise and positive reinforcement tend to be quite effective instillers, I find!

I've got a just 5yo - I'm into the 'people are good at different things' and x is better at running than you isn't he - you wouldn't like it if he kept on telling you would you... so make sure that you don't tell him how good at numbers you are... etc. And of course - y is younger than you, there are some things that he will find more difficult than you do, so it would be nice to help him... .

I always praise mine for how hard they have worked on something, rather than for achievement if that makes sense?

Might be worth praising for effort rather than results and maybe she will see how hard her friends are working, it's a bit of a leveller...

Agree with cat64 that it is basic classrom management but if the teacher is concerned that it might affect your DD's friendships then I think it was right of her to bring it up with you. Especially as things like sensitivity, waiting turns, being kind are not just school-related skills so there's ample opportunity for RH to help DD understand at home, iyswim.

(also, sorry rh I'm not implying your DD isn't kind or anything....last bit of my last post sounds a bit dodgy.)

absolutely well said cat64. The teacher must manage her class. as well as asking you to talk to your 5 yr old. perhaps is now a good time to prepare her for sharing and taking her turn now there is anew baby on the way or I can see you are in for a jealous child. Only star of the show for so long.