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about an unhappy 5 year old at school?

6 replies

JoCoolBeans · 03/03/2010 02:08

For ages now my DS would be happy enough going to school but once we get to his classroom he refuses to go in and gets upset and needy, the teacher has had to drag him in crying a few times as he wont go and in and sit down and if we walk him to his desk he doesnt want us to leave.

It's his first year at primary school, a big deal i know but he went to playschool the year before.

Then when my DP was discussing his progress report with his teacher she said he was doing fine in most areas but not doing well socially and sometimes just doesnt want to pay attention to the teacher.

Then she went on to mention that she's found him alone in the playground lots of times during break and lunch and he has came to her several times and told her that he feels really lonely.

Admittedly, there's only 7 in his class. 2 other boys and him. She says that most of the time 2 boys will play which leaves the other one out and they change who's left out from day to day. I think DS is left out mostly.

DS also went to play school with these kids. The vast majority of his play school friends went to another local religious school (we're not really a religious family) about 5 mins further than DS's school and he often says he misses them too.

It makes me want to cry just thinking about him being so lonely at school and that maybe this is were all the problems are coming from. The teacher said today to DP that he lashed out at another boy in class today and was basically telling DP to discipline him (which we have). But i think this is because if i were DS and someone didnt want to be my friend and i was painfully lonely i wouldnt want to be nice to them either.

DP is going to have another chat with DS's teacher in the morning and hopefully not get "ummed" and "ahhed" at and fobbed off again.

I believe that social interactions should at least be encouraged at school and not just education. Lets face it, it was the social side that made me feel good about being there and made me confident enough to do the work i was given.

I've always maintained that the most important thing you can give a child is self esteem and i always try to encourage and praise him and love seeing him achieve and be happy.

But all i see when i ask my son to do his homework is a little upset boy with no confidence left like it's all been taken out of him during the day. He hardly wants to look at it. It just makes him upset, its not like it's hard HW and something he cant do but he had absolutely no confidence to even look at it.

He's a smart boy and he has been quite sick and missed some school recently but i think everyone has made "clics" and he's just not in one.

DP is going to tell the teachers to encourage him socially because we cant be there to do it ourselves.

If it doesnt improve dramatically i'll be ringing up the other school and asking them if they have a free space for him starting P2 in Sept. But they have full classes. Which is why i think he'd have more friends and not be pushed out so much.

I just don't know what to do. I've personally given up/cant stand talking to his P1 teacher because she makes it out to be nothing.

I seriously need some guidance about this. I dont think i have anyone who i could talk to about this who would understand.

I know this is long winded and thank you for reading this.

What would you do?? I feel like crying. Life shouldn't feel like this for a 5 year old. I feel so bad for having to force him to do HW which takes 3 hrs when it would normally take 20 mins and have to put him in time out because he refuses and just cries his wee heart out It's terrible but i dont want them to make fun of him for being "stupid" for not doing his HW and falling behind in class.

I really need some advice girls, pls pls pls. I can't see my son go on being unhappy

OP posts:
luciemule · 03/03/2010 18:53

Blimey - what homework is he getting at the moment? Surely in reception it should literallybe word/sound tins and reading books, once they're confident in sounds? I think you might be in Scotland though (you said "wee")so I know schooling up there is a bit different.
Time out for not doing his HW at 5 yrs could perhaps make him hate it even more. At 5, boys in particular, generally aren't as forward academically as girls and it does sound like the school aren't doing enough to help his self esteem, bless him.
I'd certainly have another word with his teacher/head and tell them exactly what your worries are. If there are only 3 boys (and 3 is never a good number socially at that age), then perhaps a bigger school might be the answer.....although that could be worse. At least in a small class, it should mean that each child gets more one to one attention. Does the school not have play buddies at break times? If not, perhaps you could suggest this idea so that children always have someone to play with. A Friendship bench might be a nice idea too so that if teachers or supervisors see anyone sitting on the bench, they can encourage others to join them. In that year group I'm sure they should only be having 10 mins a night for homework.

Tryharder · 06/03/2010 21:53

Would he be happier at a bigger school with more children to make friends with?

Or you need to make more of a fuss at school and ensure that the teacher or the assistant encourages the children to play together and doesn't allow anyone to be left out. Feel so sad for your little boy - hope the situation gets sorted soon.

thisisyesterday · 06/03/2010 21:56

what woiuld i do? i would remove him from the school

sorry, buty there is no way i would send my 5 yr old (yes, i have one, just started reception too) to a place where he felt lonely nd unhappy, and where he had to be dragged in, crying, by a teacher.

i can't believe you put him in time out for not doing his homework either!!!! the poor little love

really, either change his school or HE or something

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MollieO · 06/03/2010 22:02

If it is taking him 3 hours to do homework that should take 20 mins then I would stop making him do it and epxlain to the teacher. Ds went through a phase of refusing to engage either in class or do homework. I tried to force him but when the teacher found out she told me to stop. Ds eventually came round and now does his homework. I set a 5 minute timer and expect him to make a start in that time and to continue. If he doesn't then we stop and I do a note in the reading diary.

3 is a no win number for boys. One will always be left out imo. The fact that your ds has been off sick makes him the most likely choice unfortunately. 7 in a class is very very small. What will the numbers be in year 2? If the same I would seriously think of moving him to somewhere a bit bigger where he has more possibilities of having friends and enjoying school.

TotalChaos · 06/03/2010 22:16

I'ld move him ASAP. as it sound like the social situation is somwhat difficult, and the teacher doesn't sound to be helping at all.

CelticUnited · 08/03/2010 11:27

I would move him. If the teacher isn't supportive it sounds like things won't improve.

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