Sleepover: concerns about family

[Pegstar]

Hi

My friend has a 10 year old boy who recently went to a sleepover at a friend's house. My friend had reservations but allowed her son to go anyhow.

Her concerns are with her son's friend's family - ie what her boy may be exposed to when he is there.

This family's situation is: young mother who has recently finished one relationship and has quickly taken in and engaged another man; former boyfriend and brother recently beat up current fiance leaving him with visibly bruised face; the young mother is a warm and kind person but seems unfazed by this recent upset in the family; my friend has seen the the fiance drinking in the house during the day; the mother and fiance both smoke in the house.

My friend lives in a very rural part of the Borders and her son's friend's mother does not drive so my friend will have to do all the driving (the distance is 20 miles each way). My gut feeling is that she should probably not encourage sleepovers with this boy and his family because of her unease and the driving situation (as well as the inconvenience caused, money is very tight and every extra mile driven is a drain on the family finances).

My friend does not want to come between her son and his friend and we both agree that children living in unpredictable situations need to have stable friends and that children benefit from seeing how other people live and are. However, there is no doubt that my friend is uneasy about exposing her son to this unpredictable family.What are your thoughts?

I'd try to arrange a day visit rather than a sleepover. Could your friend drive there, pick up friend and take them out for a few hours.

While children need to realise that families are all quite different, I do wonder if this is a friendship that should be allowed to quietly fade away.

Personally, I wouldn't have let DD stay there. I think I'd have told the mother I was a bit nervous about DD staying out, but her lo was very welcome to come and stay at my house.

Thanks to both sdr and Maureen for your responses.

If I am uncomfortable with a particular family situation, I host playdates/sleepovers at ours.

Can your friend do the same?

Thanks Earlybird, she could always be the host and has considered doing so, but each time she does so it can involve four car trips of 80 miles in total because of the other boy's mother not driving.

It's a very rural area they live in and funds have been tight for the family for a while now due to circumstances. They are doing their best during a difficult time and live very modestly - every penny really does count.

Knowing my friend, she may well take this course of action and try to ration the sleepovers.