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Moving house/life change decision

2 replies

MrsFedUpPants · 15/02/2010 17:44

DH has moaned about the profession he works in for years now.
We realised a year or so ago that we couldn't afford to maintain our house and would need to sell and move to a cheaper area.
DH accepted redundancy in december with an ok package which would last us for 6 months.
We put the house on the market as whatever else happened we needed to get shot of it and we both agreed that the mortgage was a burden we could do without at the moment.
House sold quickly. Completion date is 1st April.
I want to ove back to my home town where I have three family members and two of my oldest and best friends. Where I live now I have some 'mummy'aquaintances but no support network. I would be willing to work full time and DH could get a part-time job and do a course he is interested in. We have talked this all over many times. It's would be a big upheaval for DH as he has never been far away from his family [although they are all at least an hour away].
After a chat with his dad one day, in which his dad was very positive, DH came off the phone and said 'right let's do it'. I told all my friends and family and the children and got excited. Started investigating schools and getting removal quotes. Found out about housing and applied for a job [not heard yet]
Then DH says that in fact he is still not sure and still looked for jobs where he has been working and in the industry he always worked in. He has been told by a recruitment agency that one company are very interested in his stuff and would give him a better salary thean he was on and that he would be in the office which is in a good central area.
I am very gutted and feel a bit betrayed. I feel I can't insist we go to my home town as I don't want it to be 'my' decision and am aware that should things not work out then I would be blamed. I am also extremely stressed by living in limbo as a decision still has not been made. We exchange this week and I need to know where to look for property to rent. It will be me who organises everything so I need to know. DH is meeting this company on weds but there will be several meetings over a period of time.
Everything will be the same as it was: him commuting for 3 hours a day. Me at home and isolated.
I would like to put my foot down and insist that we do what I want for a change but fear the repercussions. Or am I mad to be moving us all away from our comfort zone into the unknown?

OP posts:
Openbook · 16/02/2010 10:42

He's not taking much responsibility for what is going on is he? He wants to make all the choices and have you organise it for him as if you have no emotional investment in this. I'm a great one for not rocking the boat but I do think you've got to ask him what he's going to do about this situation he's got you all into. I understand that you don't want this to blow up into a huge issue, but frankly it is pretty big already. You may decide together that it is best to do what he says he wants but it should only be after he's faced up to the mess he's causing and also agreed to do some of the work attached. You must be so frustrated but i do agree that forcing a decision in your favour may well be a mistake and, as we all know, it will then all be your fault. it needs to be a joint decision. Ooh - I'm frustrated for you !!

MrsFedUpPants · 16/02/2010 11:51

Thank you so much for responding. I'm not sure what I hope to acheive by posting but it helps to write it and a response is a bonus.
A sympathetic response is doubly so of course.
I guess I am just not sure if I am being unreasonable in feeling frustrated and a bit let down.

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