Long visit from MIL straight after c-section- help!

[howdidthishappenthen]

I have a c-section booked for Thursday, and my mum is staying for a few days to look after DS whilst I'm in, so DP can go back and forth from the hospital as suits. She'll be off within a day or so of me getting home.

PIL are away til the 25th, but then I know plan on driving up (from Cornwall to London) to see us. With DS1, they stayed for 14 days - but not so bad that time as they were able to stay at a local friends' house and pop over. This time they're staying with us - no local friends and no one can afford a hotel. Normal length of visit = 6-7 days. I remember last time after giving birth I just wanted to hunker down with DH1 and adjust. Succession of lengthy house guests not exactly ideal.

PIL & I get on OK but I'm not really that sociable a person and don't like ANYONE apart from DH & DS enough to really want them around that long. Plus Ill be pretty housebound so soon after the CS, so no escaping to Tescos or similar.

Also, small flat, only one sitting area and am funny about breastfeeding in front of FIL. Not v keen on having to go sit on my bed for 30 mins 6 times a day (not even a tv!) Should I

a: accept that of course they want to see the new baby, it's a long drive from Cornwall, and anyway it'll be nice to be able to do daytime naps etc. Privacy invasion - grit teeth and get over yourself.

b: ask DH to tell them they're limited to 3 days and make them come back in a fortnight if they desparate to see the baby more.

Views?

Why not suggest that they come for the intended period, but stay in a hotel or B&B. If you look on Gumtree you can probably even find a sublet for them for the week.

Stick to your guns re space. I had to tell my MUM this!! She was going to be here for two weeks staying with us as well - cant even imagine what PIL are like!! I agree re the 'hibernating' after birth thing. Cant stand people staying in the house. Tell your Dh this is YOUR time as a new family - does he really want them there for most of his parental leave?? Or does he want time with just you guys to adjust to your new family size?

You really have to limit the visit - I actually cannot believe that they would impose on you for a week when you should be just together with your husband your baby and other child. I think get your husband to have a word with them becuase time is limited I assume that he has at home too and this is a precious time. DO put your foot down (or have dh do it on your behalf) because this is YOUR time with your family.

This is one of those times where you are going to have to grit your teeth and do an unpleasant thing - tell them (or rather get your DH to tell them) that they cannot come. It seems rude. It might be a little. But this is one of those times where you are allowed to be, you have to put your foot down or this time will be ruined for you and you won't get it back.

I would concede (as it is a 5 hour journey) that they can come up and stay in a hotel for one night, maybe 2 if you can cope with that.

It sounds terrible and ungrateful, and you want them to see the baby but don't get stepped all over.

Why don't you suggest a short visit (staying elsewhere) straight after birth, and maybe you go and visit them when the baby is a few weeks old and stay for a few days so that they can see the baby properly when things are settled down better?

I had to do this with PIL, they wanted to come the day after. DH stepped up and said no, leave it until a couple of extra days. They were offended but I needed that extra time - had trouble establishing BF and spent the whole of the day they were supposed to come with my breasts out doing skin to skin. They did make sarcastic comments when they arrived but tough shit!

go with option b), make them help A LOT, stay in bed and have them bring you tea and cake! Good luck with the birth.

What SofiaAmes said (B&B).

b: ask DH to tell them they're limited to 3 days and make them come back in a fortnight if they're desperate to see the baby more.

You also have to think about you here and not about offending others. They'll get over it. Who would want to BF in front of FIL? Unless they're very adept at feeding discreetly. I never am with a new baby, either time.

Am amazed your dh hasn't already stepped in and said "sorry but no". Why hasn't he? You need to tell him.

My pil (bless them) did a three hour drive to visit us all in hospital and a three hour drive home again on the same day when dd was born.

Pil can come up and stay one or two nights MAX in a B&B.

So sorry you are faced with this! Why can't anyone give a thought to your wishes??

I don't get the week-long visits to a new baby. You can see a newborn, then that is about it. They don't exactly interact. And unless the new parents are begging for help (and in most circumstances, the best thing is to leave the parents alone to figure it out for themselves - they've got a good 18 years ahead of them), what do people think they are going to be doing?

I'd say a visit to see that baby, with an overnight stop and departure after breakfast as it's a long journey. Then come back when you are all more settled, DH is back at work and you might actually appreciate someone to occupy your older child.

How big is their house?

Perhaps you could suggest you go and stay with them in a few months if there is space to make the b/f easier. Also no cooking, cleaning etc.

If they are desperate to see the new born straight away, an overnight stay with you max.

And any chance of getting a small tv for your bedroom - or a computer and internet connection with i-player etc sorted out so you can at least watch something if you do need to escape to your bedroom?

They can't come. What's all this "they intend to do this they intend to do that". Do they pay your rent or mortgage? Er, nobody has the right to tell you how long they're staying. Thank God I'm not married if people have to compromise and worry like this

My MIL came after DD1 and DD2 were born. I had the choice of upsetting them and DH and saying no or letting them come.
After DD1 was born they were here every day from 9am until 9pm but staying nearby. MIL was here when the HV was checking my CS scar for infection (embarrasing) and used to follow me round the house when I was BFing. After a few days I gave up being polite (through no fault of their own BTW) and just set up camp on teh comfy sofa with my snacks etc. I told FIL I would be feeding there so he sat where he wasn't watching me and I nicked the remote control.
They did everything cooked, cleaned, washed up, changed nappies (awesome), laundry. MIL even ironed. After a week of me being home I told them I was really grateful for their help and I should be able to manage but they were welcome back soon. My mum arrived 2 days later for a week.

Try not to think about what a nightmare it might be. If it is awful just ask them to leave, but look at the benefits.

I don't think there is anything wrong with compromising for grandparents to see their new grandchildren when they live miles away and won't see them more than a few times a year.

I am facing the same dilemma soon. C section then MIL visiting 10 days later for 8 nights. SIL and niece driving her down and staying 1 night, then coming to get her following WE and doing same (she drives, but not 150 miles, and gets anxious on trains.)

I have decided to bite the bullet for family peace sake. But, I have been more than clear that she is not hogging baby, is to give DD lots of attention, and she will not be getting even a cuppa out of me! SIL and niece likewise.

|I have bought a breastfeeding cover for any 'awkward moments' as I am not naturally comfy about getting baps out, and am NOT gonna be forced out of any room in my home.

I think asking your PIL to return in a couple of weeks is just prolonging the agony, I say 'get it over and done with, but use and abuse as much as possible'

I have refused to stay with MIL at her house (stay in hotel instead) since this pregnancy as house is tiny, so her visiting is the only option, and means a lot to DH too.

My MIL, who is from the Middle East, came to stay for a month when about 6weeks after DS was born and I had had an em cs

It was hard work and I wasn't coping very well - had PND etc and so she saw me at my worst!

However, although we visited her with DS twice after that, that visit here was her very last one as she died New Year's eve in 2008 and looking back, I'm just grateful that she wanted to make the journey to see DS and to have another human being who loved the bones off of DS - he could do no wrong in her eyes

Yes its hard, but its not forever and there will be nice memories for you at some point

Another thing to think about is that they may be your IL's but they are your DH's parents, so if you are happy to have your parents there you can't reasonably say you don't want his.

If they are helpful types - or your DH can have a word with them in advance to ask them to be - I'd go for the getting the visit out of the way now.

As for breastfeeding, I'd tell your FIL that you're about to do it so would he mind making himself scarce. That's what I used to say to both my Dad and FIL - even in their own homes which was a bit cheeky TBH - I've never seen them move so fast .

Good luck with the birth and hope you recover well and quickly

But the OP's parents are going to be there whilst the OP is in hospital and will be leaving when the OP comes out of hospital.

Dh has to tell them that it isn't practical.

I thank god that nobody would impose on us like this it would send me over the edge.