Work Life inbalance: moving abroad, is it the answer?

[LegoRules]

DH (55) DS (4) and I (40) are struggling with the whole work, life, finances issue. I am working 40hrs per week, although it's much longer in reality through travel etc in a very demanding job as I'm the main breadwinner. DH is retired and works PT.

I miss DS who is getting more tearful about not seeing me - I'm out before he's up and home after he's in bed. There's the general chores to do, plus I'm having to study to keep up in my organisation with the expectation of personal development.

It's all getting a bit much as I'm worn out.

DH thinks that moving to France (no mortgage), finding a good school for DS and a job for me would be the answer. I am fluent in Frence so that doesn't phase me. But I'm not sure if this is just a case of grass is greener...

WWYD? Has anyone left the UK and found it has made a difference and what about the schools? I am going to make some enquiries as well and thought some honest feedback could be useful.

Would you still have to work f-t? Your post suggests that that this is the main issue and it wouldn't change if you simply lived somewhere else. In fact, there could be more pressure on you if your dh was suddenly out of his familiar place and ability to work p-t and everything fell on you.

Do bear in mind, too, that even if you're fluent in French, this doesn't mean that you're immediately employable, depending on your qualifications. The French can be unbelievably partisan about taking French-qualified people and refusing to recognise that anyone with other EU qualifications is up to a job. Please do your research very carefully on how easy if would be to get a job in reality before you decide to move. There's high unemployment in France and a different tax structure. So find some expat web forums and ask a lot of questions.

if dh is retired and works part time does that mean he gets pension?
could you both work part time?

Yes, DH does get a pension. I am the main bread winner now tho, and he is not keen to work more than PT.

I was wondering about how partisan the French can be, hence me putting out the question. I'll have to have a look at some research.

I worry about even moving there as I think English Legisation jargon can be require attention to detail and both of us have needed to focus on specifics, so yes, it does make me worry. But is that just short pain for a better lifestyle / quality?

The children in France do seem to be left to be children for much longer, so the whole childhood issue appeals to me plus University is a fraction of the cost there.

Yes, unis a fraction of the cost, but there's a huge culture of cramming classes for kids to get into the top universities and material conditions at lots of unis are pretty poor - v overcrowded, deteriorating fabric of buildings. The French themselves are very worried about the fact that so few of their unis feature in top European/global rankings. So you're right not to be too starry-eyed about it all.

Assuming you got a decent job, lived somewhere nice near a school, you might well have a better quality of life. Lots of things about living in France are less stressful and more civilised. However, in your position, I'd want to be pretty sure that the job front would work out and know that I could handle working full-time in this new environment, given your OP.

There are many aspects about French life which are quite chauvinistic, from the near-absence of non-French food products in many supermarkets to the myriad rules governing different professions designed, cunningly, to make it hard for non-French people to qualify. But if you can crack that, it could be great.

PS And your DH's pension would suffer badly with the current exchange rate.

Listen to jkklpu, she is right.

I think it is seriously hard for someone non-French to get a job, even if fluent in French, outside the capital/big cities.

Would you really get a mortgage-free place near a big town/city?

Why do you think your expenses would be lower in France?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/living_overseas/897985-Please-tell-me-what-to-think-about-when-going-to

My cousin and husband both fluent french speakers [in fact husband half french] moved to Normandy where he had inherited a house. They found it impossible to find work. My cousin found some very part time work teaching English but had to travel miles . They lasted about 2 years and had to come back.

My advice would be, having moved country myself, don't move without a job. Take the exchange rate in to consideration. We have lost nearly a third of our income . Also have a look at a thread on here complaining about the high cost of French living.

Sorry if I sound negative but having done the lets move country thing, I wouldn't advise anyone to do it unless they are really financially secure. My dh works far longer hours than he ever did in the UK and at the moment our lives are far more stressful than they have ever been.

Have you thought of Germany?
you might earn more, to offset the mortgage thing.
some jobs dont require good german, eg in international offices.

and uni in Germany is even cheaper still....

Tell me more! I hadn't thought of Germany but open-minded! Have you worked over there then?

Shitemum: thanks for the link BTW. Made for an informative read.

Hmm. DH and I have lots to discuss.

Here's another fresh one!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/living_overseas/910418-To-go-back-to-England-or-not

Not trying to put a damper on your dreams by the way - but please research properly and don't burn your boats...

Legorule sorry this is long, just wanted to share a bit of my experience in Germany.....

When I was 18 I did an internship at Deutsche Telekom in Frankfurt. Then I went back and did some voluntary work for my Church near Frankfurt, as well as tutoring English and French for school children. I then did a course of study at the Hochschule Bremen.

I didn't get to finish my degree here in England (got pregnant!) so have always wanted to go back. But with the costs of degrees rising so rapidly in the meantime, I have looked at other options, including studying in Europe. Germany is by far the cheapest I have seen so far as technically it is free. You only pay an admin fee (which varies from Uni to Uni) which also includes a city wide travel card.

You pay a lot of tax in Germany as well as Krankenversicherung, but I have seen first hand the benefits of this. When the mum of the family I stayed with got cancer again (for the 3rd time) whilst I lived with them, her care was first rate - including treatment at a Kur (health resort).

Personally, I love Germany. There is a lot of beautiful architecture and scenery, and they are very forward thinking when it comes to the environment and health (IME). School days begin very early, but end earlier too and there is a lot of emphasis on after school activities (Kids start at a later age too).
Economically speaking, I have never had to rent (and a lot of apartments come with no kitchen or bath - you have to buy your own!) or raise children there. Neither have I had to find a job (the internship was arranged for me through the family I stayed with), so I can't give much advice in that respect. Neither can I comment on the economy - sorry!

Lego,
we are in gemany and dont want to go back to the UK. It has very very good aspects, and also some tough ones.
The tough ones are ... the schools. They are highly selective. We have got seveal german school theads about thenm here.

My childen are currently stuck in hauptschulen, that is to say, the school fo futue cleanesrs, supemaket checkout staff and caetakers.
dd is limited to 5 subjects fo GCSE, and only 1 science, 1 foreign language.
I am planning to get round that by doing the subjects she is missing outside the school.
If we didnt do this, she would have to spend exta years studying in the futue. She is very bright, but doesnt yet study in the consistent way that they require. And by the time she does, it'll be too late, her chances will be gone to get to the grammar school.
Some childen manage better than othes - having a SAHP helps, to help with homework. The system does not encouage creativity, children are rewarded for learning what's in teh book and regurgitating it in tests and in class, and nothing else. There is little help for foreign children joining the school, they are viewed as holding the german childen back, because everyone is desparately keen to get their child to the grammar school.
There are ways to opt out, eg by sending your child to a montessori school, but can be hard to get a place if your childs older.
You have to accept pretty fast, that you will have to pay for extra tuition in german, and possibly for homework help.

The benefits are, that you generally have more money than in the UK, life is more affordable. Good public tranport, healthcare, lots to do at weekends, you can really enjoy life. you can work hard and play hard.
I agree with whoever said get a job fixed up first, through an international job agency.

The tax is ok for families, we are better off than in teh UK.
It is very high for single people without dependents.

That's all really interesting re germany. Nighbynight: do you rent or own and if you own, what is the average price for a 4 bed detached (if that is comparable there?) in a semi rural area (for example).

We rent, in Bavaria. House pices ae a bit diffeetn fom the UK.
Soy, a lette is missing fom my keyboad, due to the childen dopping cumbs all ove it.[cant even do angy]
New builds ae fa moe expensive, and old houses can be got at bagain pices. They egulaly demolish and ebuild what look like pefectly good houses to me.
Neae to Munich = moe expensive, out in the sticks = cheape.
Bavaia (whee we ae) is the most expensive pat of gemany, eveything else is bette!

What you might be looking at would be
flat
teace house
end of teace
double house half (=semi)
one family house
two family house (a house divided into flats)

Some towns ae moe expensive than othes, usually due to facilities.
You should def be in a town with a ailway station, as the service is good, and in the snow you might not want to use the motoway.

You might get an old, detached house in 600 m2 of gaden, fo about 240000 euos.
A new, semi in the same town, could cost 300000.
You could buy a building plot of ca 300 m2 fo about 200000, and put up you own new house.

bloody childen

Forgot to add, in the next door town, you might get a 2 family house with 900 m2 gaden for 190000.

these are all prices that I have seen recently.