Worried sick about frail grandparent and impact on mil

[bouncingblueberries]

This is a long one, so apologies in advance - I'll try to keep it to the point!

MIL is full-time carer for her mother (nana). Nana lives in her own 2 bed house and has numerous health problems including diabetes, gout, mild dementia, high blood pressure and all the other issue that come with taking many, many tablets a day. She's housebound and terrified of leaving the house. Refuses to cook, clean or even boil the kettle (not sure how safe she would be doing these things anyway - easily confused and distracted). MIL refuses all help with nana. Hates home helps (would like them to come on time at a time that suits nana which is not always possible), thinks meals on wheels is rubbish and is now even distrustful of community nurses.

Friday morning FIL arrived to give nana her breakfast to find her lying on bedroom floor. She'd fallen, couldn't get up and had been there all night (but it could have been only an hour - nana has poor concept of time now). She's supposed to have a panic alarm that she wears on a necklace but now claims it's useless and refuses to wear it.

I'm terrified that the next fall will result in a broken bone or a serious head injury. MIL will blame herself and spiral even further into depression (she's not exactly the picture of health herself - high cholesterol, refusing to take her statin, angina, back problems etc etc).

What can I do? We live in London but PIL and nana live in Scotland. I just want to shake both MIL and nana to make them see sense - they NEED help, before something really awful happens

One last thing: PIL have been advised to obtain power of attorney by a healthcare professional that assessed degree of dementia nana was suffering from. MIL has refused to do this - but what could be the consequences????

There isn't really anything you can do to make either of them get more help, but what does your DH (son/grandson?) think? Is he of same opinion as you and has he tried talking to your MIL?
I think a lot of older people will do this - refuse to get help that family and friends suggest; I guess it's a way of hanging on to control of their own lives and circumstances but of course it does cause enormous anxiety for children et al.
If the worst happened and Nana did have a bad accident, OK it would probably hasten her death, and that would be regrettable, but not a tragedy IYSWIM. I have v elderly aunt in similar situation (she does have carers in every day but refuses to move from Aberdeen to Cambridgeshire to be near her son) and that has to be respected.
I do feel for you and am sorry you have this great anxiety to cope with. But I think all you can do is carry on gently suggesting help, and otherwise offering visits (if possible) and being there to pick up pieces later on.