Should we seperate

[Becks48]

I have been with my now husband since I was 18, he is 12 years older than me and we eventually got married 10 years after being together. We now have a beautiful daughter and a house which we brough two years ago and have finished doing up. If I was to tell you that sex was great, we have the same interests, a lovely house that everyone admires and a beautiful daughter it would all be true but for the fact that we just cant get along any more.

My husband has recently developed a texting relationship with a 27 year old woman he works with, who is is always texting and I found this out by checking his phone once (dont ask me why I did it but something raised my suspicions). I feel awful for checking his phone but now I have done it I cannot stop. He knows I am, as in a argument I blurted it out (he sent her a text saying he would like to having lunch with her by the beach).
I really know he wouldnt have an affair, his dad did and knows how it hurt his mum and also he doesnt get the time to anyway. But the texting continues and the emotional betrayal really hurts. Near Christmas time I was at work and he was home with our child when I got a call from my husband saying this woman had just split up from her boyfriend and he was going round as she had noone else. he took my daughter and took this woman for a walk to chat. Yes he was honest with me but he know it would hurt and he went anyway!
I dont know anymore if I love him, he is very selfish (a passionate writer), he has always had real problems saying he loves me and recently he has starting saying that our relationship of 16 years has never been that good. I will admit that I am quite a jealous and insecure person but I am startng to think he instills quite a lot of this in me. He doesnt want to leave and I am scared as I will have to be a single mum, what effect will it have on our daughter and its possible I could loose the house. I dont know what financial help I will get.

At the moment we get working tax credit and chiild tax credit but this is based on what me and my husband earn will they reases this if Im on just my own wage.

I just want someone else opinion if you are willing to give it as I cant see anymore whats right, thanks

Hmm a slippery slope downwards me thinks on his part... Would he be open to going on a marriage course with you? It saved my brothers marriage. You have a dinner and a talk and you do not interact with anyone on the other tables, it's just between the two of you over a number of weeks. A lot of my friends have gone on them and it has really made all the difference relationshipcentral.org/marriage-course

Alternatively if it's really getting bad, would he be open to counseling with Relate? www.relate.org.uk/home/index.html

The situation is clearly not ideal, but I don't want to make you feel worse here by launching into the old leave him, you'll be better without him etc.

My husband and I are having a rough time of it, he is having private counseling for himself right now and after-wards we're going to have marriage counseling, once his head is in a better place. If that doesn't work then at that point we'll have to accept the fact that it maybe better to divorce, but one thing is for sure, I want to able to look back if we do divorce and know that I did my best to save it before going down that road. So I never feel any guilt or regret. Especially when my two kids are older and ask the inevitable questions on why we split up (if we do).

People often give advice based on their experience of whether their marriage worked or whether they left. So feel free to take or leave mine at the end of the day.

I think it's worth trying one of the above first if he's prepared to and seeing if it is salvageable at the end of the day.

I wish you the best of luck on this journey and hope you get some more advice. Sending you a virtual large glass of wine x