DD1 forging my signature in school correspondence book - should I punish, and how?

[castille]

When writing a note in DD1's school correspondence book yesterday I noticed a comment written in December by one of her teachers saying that she hadn't done her homework.

DD1 had signed it herself with a fake signature (all teacher notes have to be seen and signed by a parent) as she evidently didn't want us to see it.

I was v cross, asked what went on, and her excuse was pretty feeble.

I made it clear this wasn't on but didn't give a punishment. When I told DH he said I was soft and that she deserves some kind of sanction, as she is pushing boundaries left right and centre at the moment and needs clearer signals than I'm apparently giving her.

So would you punish? With what?

She is 12

Lines. Have her write out 500 times. 'I will not commit forgery'.

You've missed a trick here, I think. Surely you should be looking at the correspondence book every day? She signed it herself cos she thought she could get away with it, which she nearly did.

By way of sanction you need to make her show you her planner every evening, and then show you the corresponding bits of completed homework.

You need to breathe down her neck much more closely to make sure she's doing what she's meant to be doing. Letting a 12yo be in sole charge of her own homework and organisation is asking for trouble.

Yes maybe I am being slack

My parents never bothered me about homework, I just did it, so it doesn't come naturally to me to stand over her.

But she isn't me...

What Lou said. 10 sides A4 lines.

Ring the school and tell them what she did
that way she will know you will take no rubbish from you.
Or do the lines my Dad once made me do lines and I have never forgot what a tedious PITA it was.

Not sure lines will work with her, she won't see the point and she will get stroppy and resentful

I did wonder about ringing the school but they will probably tell me I ought to be looking at her book daily anyway...

Logical consequences will probably get the best response

I did this when I was her age - my gran was always too busy to sign my homework diary so I never liked to ask her.

It's all right as I haven't grown up to forge cheques so is not necessarily the slippery slope to errant behaviour.

It is a trust issue however, you need to sit her down and speak with her to find out why the hell she thought she thought she could sign the planner. And take something away from her like TV, laptop, DS, whatever for a period of time.

Don't think it is worth bothering the school with, plus disagree with lines as it is a useless punishment and can breed resentment.

Thought this was normal.

I certainly did it when I was in school. Both DDs also do it.

I have bigger battles to deal with.

lol Eccentrica!

10 x A4 lines - that is overkill. What would you do with a serious problem?

But isn't that the point of lines? It's dull and tedious and no-one wants to do it.
And after you have spent an hour doing lines and you mum comes and lets you off the rest as you have learnt your lesson, she chucks them in the bin.
Bang. Hour of your life wasted.

lines are a bollocks waste of any human's time. if you need to punish make them do something useflu like cleaning the windows.

and isn't the point of teenagers existance to push boundaries?

I think a large proportion of kids at least attempt to fake a parent's signature at some stage - I know I did. I wouldn't tell the school - although make it clear to your DD that you will if she does it again.

The lines thing seems a bit draconian but I agree with removal of a possession - her mobile or something - for a week or so. Or a straighforward grounding. I used to hate grounding my older DCs because it meant I was stuck with them being miserable for however long, but it did seem to be effective.

Normal - probably

Acceptable - I don't think so, as we have had quite a few trust issues with her that need addressing as a whole.

So I do agree with DH that consequences are necessary.

Will start with daily inspection of diary and completed homework and see how that goes.

I forged (with the help of a friend) a note from my mother saying I had to go to the dentist, in order to get the afternoon off.

I got found out, was grounded and my record player (showing age ) confiscated. I knew it was wrong and took the punishment.

I turned out okay, pretty much

Glad to hear that, wubbly

Confiscating her mobile is pretty effective, I keep that threat in reserve for most misdemeanors

Ask her to set her own punishment. Give her the chance to explain, to tell you why she thinks it is wrong what she did, and how she feel she should be punished. Make sure she knows that no punishment is not an option, and if she cannot chose a suitable punishment you will chose for her.

Yes, children will push boundaries. Yes, it is normal. However, those boundaries are there for a reason and it is for parents to ensure the remain. Let them get away with it once, it will continue - and the boundaries for pushing get further away.