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Advice needed on my dad.... its a long one :-(

5 replies

madmissy · 05/01/2010 19:25

Ok well I will try to start from the begining..

Mum and Dad divorced when was about 4years old my sisters only babies.

Growing up my dad re married a friend that my mum introduced him too, she had 3 children also so together their were 6 of us. He fell on his feet and earnt well and got very high up in his career. They went without pretty much anything.

My sisters and I would regularly have to go shopping and watch the others get bits and us go without

Mum however did every job going to look after us.

In time my mum found someone new also and was happy my step father was strict and I became the rebellious teen. (something I very much regret being a step parent myself now) For a period of time I thought the grass would be greener and went to live with my dad, I think I was about 13 at the time?? I hated it and was desperate to be back with my mum, my dad stopped me going with him to pick up my sisters etc

I finally got back to my mum and I then became much hated by my dad (well thats how I felt) and my step mum. roll forward a few years my mum and step dad were happy and engaged nice house etc.

Dad then split with said wife. Got with someone new. Another wealthy family. By this point he had to take early retirement as he had a bad injury whilst at work he became very depressed and eventually that marriage broke down

que wife 3 lovely lady and family but dad made choice to move out of the country

tryiong to shorten this as baby in asrms!

marriage 3 breaks down he calls on me- he's clever he knows that I would do anything for him and 'was' always the closest to him, i rushed out to see him and was pretty much bypassed as he had another bit of stuff

we fell out as he put so much pressure on me ie sell his house here in uk and deal with his tenants ( i was 19) etc etc

i heard that he then moved again to another country with this new woman and few years later dd1 later and getting married in near future i took the plunge to call him

we became close ish again he came to wedding and gave me away

summer last year the latest relationship breaks down badly and lo and behold he calls on me again. despite being in severe debt suffering with depression having 2 dds and my dh being made redundant we had him stay here with us

5 months or so he moved into his own place and got a job (only to top up his generous pension- he was still paying for property etc abroad) he became very much non existant again. then falls on his feet with high flying job again and a new woman

i eventually goto the point where enough was enough and when the emotional blackmail begun on last call i cut him out my life

now sat here with ds1 2.5 wks old in arms and feeluing ver sad

did i do right cutting him out?

OP posts:
bumpybecky · 05/01/2010 19:35

it doesn't really matter whether we think you've done the right thing or not, you're the one that has to live with your decisions. But that's not to say I think you've done the wrong thing - I think I'd have done it a wife/woman or two earlier!

I think right now you're very hormonal and quite probably sleep deprived. Now is not the time to be making decisions about anything more important than what's for dinner.

Be kind to yourself and think this through in a few weeks time when you're feeling more yourself

madmissy · 05/01/2010 19:46

you are right
thankyou
dh at work and i went and looked him up on fb looking very happy with new said woman new famcy clothes too....

OP posts:
WingedVictory · 07/01/2010 14:44

Hi, there. This is a sad story; you've dealt with a lot, haven't you?

But when you ask "did i do right cutting him out?", I'm afraid the answer which appears in your post is that you haven't done any cutting out; it seems to be your father who does the cutting out, again and again.

Please keep yourself strong for your DS. He wants you to be happy, and he also needs for you to protect him from the horrible influence which an inconsistent GP can have on a child. Imagine him turning the same hot-cold-hot-cold combination on your DS, and how he will cry with bitter disappointment.

You quite rightly regret not being close to your father, but there doesn't seem to be anything you can do about it. You can, however, be the opposite for your DS (and any other little ones later! ). Keep harmony in your family, and that will help to seal the hole your father has made and left.

madmissy · 07/01/2010 19:27

thankyou

the ironic thing was the same night i posted this my sister was sat in tears for same reasons... well dad being who he is not over her child!

she sent him a text as he had sent us a christmas card with a angel clip thing in (its gone in the drawer) with waffle like this will protect you blah blah blah

so anyway her text was along lines of what stopped you sending cards for birthdays etc etc ( he gave up on that a long time ago no gifts etc) mum and grandparents have bent over backwards for me and have put us first etc

the reply was...

im sorry that you feel that way towards me, its obvious that you cannot forgive and forget the mistakes you feel i have made in the past. i am putting my life back together...

er so he clearly thinks he has done no wrong

OP posts:
WingedVictory · 07/01/2010 21:34

indeed. Your poor sister, as well.

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