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dh wants to go out all day saturday at no notice, I need a bloody break, don't want to be a shrew...

13 replies

ErnestTheBavarian · 16/12/2009 19:02

Dh is mega busy at work, really stressed.

He's often in at 9 or 10 pm at the moment. Working hard.

Obviously though, this means I am too, looking after our 4 dc without support.

He just sent me email saying a friend is coming over to Munich on Saturday, he'd forgotten all about it (but never mentioned it when it was first discussed). We were supposed to be going for a (very rare) night out on Saturday. He is proposing he goes to meet his friend (12 noon) and meet me whereever for our night out.

Obviously all the Christmas preparations pass him by and I do everything, so presumably he is clueless as to how much needs doing, but I had already told him I'd need his help this weekend to get the house strightened etc (have guests arriving on Wednesday, and I always end up doing everything)

So, I understand he has been under a lot of pressure and deserves the occasional break ( he doesn't get that much time to himself, but then, neither do I).

He hasn't even suggested I could possibly come.

I feel really cross he wants the whole day off, right before Christmas, with no notice.

Normally I'd moan and grumble but let him go anyway, and just feel pissed off about it. I feel like chucking my toys out with the pram and saying not to bother about meeting me for our night out, as he'll be probably half pissed and tired by the time we're supposed to be meeting anyway. Plus, I'll have to get the house tidy all by myself, kids fed & ready for bed, all the organising again all by myself as usual.

Blimey, this has been a very long rant.

How do I handle it.

ps in he email he just stated that he'd forgotten & asked if we had plans, didn't apologise or ask if it was ok with me, I replied we should talk about it and he asked why?! Like he has no concept that I might be put out.

sorry for long rant

OP posts:
CybilServant · 16/12/2009 19:03

Can yo have some time to yourself on Sunday? With him taking the kids out or you going out?

E45 · 16/12/2009 19:04

He hasn't changed has he...??

Hassled · 16/12/2009 19:06

Either you get all of Sunday to do whatever the hell you want, minus DCs, or he cancels. Just tell him. His attitude is not exactly one of working as a team, is it?

ErnestTheBavarian · 16/12/2009 19:06

what do I say though, or rather, how do I handle the situation?

E45 - not sure...?

OP posts:
CybilServant · 16/12/2009 19:07

Say you feel taken for granted and whilst you do not wish to stop him seeing his friend wyou feel you never get any 'off' time so will be taking some. Don;t ask, tell

ErnestTheBavarian · 16/12/2009 19:11

But it's the weekend before Christmas and I've got shit loads to do, so don't feel I can just take the day off. Anyway, feels like our night out is ruined, or am i just been petualnt?

OP posts:
E45 · 16/12/2009 19:14

Sorry Ernest, namechanger but have been here a long time, he always seems to suit himself and expect you to row in behind him.

Tell him to invite the friend for a late lunch at your house, and then get up both of you at cock crow and work to get the house straight. That way the late lunch can spill over into early/late evening.

muppetgirl · 16/12/2009 19:21

I would ask you did he send you the email from work? I ask this because dh is the most mild mannered man but when he's at work he turns into a very direct, brusk sharp man who I'm not sure I would have married him!
He was in work mode I think.

How old are the kids? Can they help?
Do you have anyone who can help?

If it were me I would let it go for now and then sit down after Christmas with bullet points as to what I want to discuss. Give him an agenda if you like to let him feel he's not being sprung on and so he can think of what he's going to say. Tell him 'We need to have a meeting' and see what he says!

You could discuss it now but
a) You'll probably have a bloody enormous row
b) No one is going to win, he wants to see his friend, if he doesn't he'll sulk on his night out with you. Pathetic but it's what some men do...

Does he help with the children? House? Is this normal for him?

domesticslattern · 16/12/2009 19:40

Is it really the whole day he wants off on Saturday? Looks like a half day to me?

E45 offers a good middle way.

Could you think of all of the things you needed help with on Saturday- the actual tasks to "get the house straightened before our guests come". Could you then tell him he is welcome to see his friend so long as he finds time on Saturday morning and Sunday to help you do them. If that involves him getting up at 5am on Saturday, that's it.

I have done this with DH and you'd be amazed how much he was able to accomplish when he put his mind to it, with the promise of going out at the end of it. He has been known to do four hours of chores before lunchtime, just so I wouldn't nag for the rest of the weekend.

Could you also ask him to come back between say 5 and 8 to help with the bedtime routine? That way he still gets to see his friend, just not all afternoon and early evening.

ErnestTheBavarian · 16/12/2009 20:01

good points, will try to get him home for 5 and make him do lots of jobs.

E45, yes he has, he now rarely goes out, but is working late all the time. Def working late - I called just now on his office number not mobile and can hear him typing away on computer. Seriously stressful at work atm. No idea whne he'll be back, no fun for either of us this situation, so I kinda want him to have the time off, but feel annoyed at the no notice, being taken for granted, the lack of manners in thre 'request' not being invited at all, blah blah, but I guess he has other things on his mind right now.

OP posts:
ErnestTheBavarian · 17/12/2009 12:56

ok, so it turns out it was all a total misunderstanding - his original email was written quickly and contained no persons, ie, "had forgotten, will meet in town " etc etc. When he got home he asked why I had a problem with it, I explained as I said above and he said no,, he meant all of us, me and kids go in together, so I'd jumped to the wrong conclusion luckily, I sounded off here before attacking him, so it was all able to be cleared up without me getting cross, so it wasn't a waste of time me starting this thread honest, and dh gets to polish his halo and say indignantly how of course he wouldn't fo that etc So all's well. Thanks guys.

OP posts:
Jajas · 17/12/2009 13:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

E45 · 17/12/2009 19:57
Grin
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