My daughters friend tries to control her.

[ClaraRenee]

My 6 year old daughters friend at school is forever trying to control her. It all started last school year.

My daughters friend is the oldest child in the class. They became friends in reception when this girl moved to the area. The problems first started when this girl (B) stopped other children playing with my daughter (L). If L wanted to play with someone else she would drag her away or play with the other children and not let L play so she was isolated. B then started copying her, same hair bands, bandanas, school bag etc; Bs mum would go and buy her the ssame things so she could be the same as L. She evens waits outside my house in the morning with a bag of hair accessories to see what hair bands Ls wearing.

Last school year, I asked the Headteacher to split them as she was rearranging KS1 classes to help L.This didnt happen and they stayed together and her Ls two other close friends went in other classes.

My daughter is so fed up with B that she is not enjoying school. This girl still does not want L to have other friends but is being mean to her now as a way to keep her as a friend.L wants to play with her other two close friends but is worried what B will do. Bs mum told other mums that B has to be friends with L no matter what. If I approach her mum, she plays the victim.

Have spoken to teachers many times with no help.Don't know what else to do. Any suggestions would be great.

Are there any other school nearby?

I'd consider moving my child if the school weren't prepared to do anything about this.

We live in a village so it would be difficult. My other daughter is at this school and loves it, so it would difficult to do this. The ironic thing is that B lives 5 miles away and its not her local school!

I'd consider moving my DD if the school are not going to doanything about it.

I've had a similar thing with my DD whos just started reception. The teachers have been good and have monitored the kids and reported back on any incidents.

What about Brownies/Rainbows/other outside school activities (assuming B isn't doing them too)? It could build up your DD's circle of friends and confidence to the point where she felt able to break away from B.

What is the teacher telling you when you approach her/him? This is a very bad situation for your d to be in.

We had a similar situation last year with DD1 but she was older (10) and she was the one who decided to put a stop to the relatioship as she was loosing all her good friends one by one because the other girl wanted exclusivity of her. She has now started plau=ying with the girl again but on her own terms.

I would be tempted ,when your Dd worries (""L wants to play with her other two close friends but is worried what B will do"") to ask her:

• what do you think be would do to you if you played with your other friends?

If Your Dd answers "I do not know" tell her maybe she should try to see and that probably B would not do anything to her but that if she did you would be supporting her and taking actions .Go back to teacher and if not working go to HT . In my case, Had Dd1 not done it herself, I would have "ordered" her to not play with the girl anymore to break the cycle.

We told her last school year to stay away from her. She did for a term but the problems got worse. Bs mum accused L and her two other friends of isolating B, she accused one of Ls other friends of bullying and accused this girls mum of isolating her. The problem seemed to go away towards the end of year 1 when L was playing with her two other close friends.

The problems returned as L and B back in same class and other two girls been put in different classes due to the restructuring of KS1. When I approached her teacher last year and asked her why B and L were not seperated after I asked for this to happen, her apply was that B had put L on her list of friends, even though my D had not put he
r! The whole situation could have been avoided if the school listened and acted on my Ds needs.

I understand your frustration! I do not know what the school was thinking to not separate them after you had asked them too! Mind you, in the same aschool they would probably have their break at the same time anyway which would not only partly solve the problem.

Im am thinking of ways to get through the mother but cannot find one just yet. It is difficult as you do not want the mother to be hurt but still have to put your DD first. I will try to think about how I would like to be approached if I was B's mum.

I agree with the Prof. I would actively encourage other friendships, especially from the class. Have others around to play, which will give your DD confidence to be more assertive at school with this girl.

Good Luck.

I'd forget about trying to reason with B's mum. She sounds as unreasonable as her kid.

Try talking once more with the teacher and document everything. Then start going up the chain of command.

Sometimes kids just have to work these things out for themselves. This is NOT one of those times. B sounds toxic and she's targeted your daughter. Best to separate them now before things get worse.

Thanks for all advice. I have made an appointment to see DDs teacher and Headteacher. I have told DD not to play with this girl under any circumstances which she has agreed to. For the past couple of days DD been playinfg with her other friends but yesterday this girl was trying to pull DD away from the group. When unsuccessful, this girl been getting another to girl to play with DDs friends so DD left alone for this girl to then grab. It's gonna be a long few weeks before they break up! Hoping the teachers will sort it. I am not going to approach Bs mum as shes very neurotic and I know I will be the one looking like the bully. Going to see if teaching staff can deal with it first. If not will have to talk to the mother. Fingers crossed!