Bullying: Parental pressure group or lynch mob?

[IrritatedMe]

My dd was bullied (hair pulling, hitting in the playground, general name calling) by another 6 year old a couple of months ago. I wrote a quick note to the school and it was resolved. DD still is nervous about the girl but seems ok about her unless questioned.

Another mum (who is a vague friend who I chat to in the playground) has had her dd bullied as well now by this girl. From what I understand, she has also upset several other girls in the year.

The mum has asked me to sign a joint letter complaining of how this 'bully' is being handled. It seems she leaves her 'victim' alone once confronted, only to go onto the next. I told the mum that I wouldn't sign a letter as it seems too much like a lynch mob. She has made me feel guilty as she says that although my dd is ok now, others are still suffering.

I want to offer support as my dd was really upset by being bullied, but at the same time is writing a joint letter the best way of going about it?

Help MN!

Bump - please someone help - I am really worried about this.

You did the right thing. The other mum is a loon. Don't sign it.

Thank you cornsilk. TBH - I thought I would be flamed for not being supportive.

Not too sure she is a loon, just really concerned, she has asked the teacher 3 times to sort out the situation apparantly, but never in writing. I told her to first write an individual letter.

What a great way of putting it Stewie.

I think that might be a middle way out of it.

I would feel the same as you. I think you're absolutely right not to sign this and you have her given good advice. She should write an individual letter.

Thanks Besom.

She seemed really short and cheesed off with me when I tried to explain why I would't put my name to it. Basically saying that 'your daughters all right then, but what about the others'. I could see her point so wasn't sure whether I am being unsupportive.

Agree you did the right thing not to get involved. The school will take into account that several parents complained.

At our school there was a mum who wanted to complain to the Head Teacher and stood outside the gate giving out her e-mail address asking people to get involved. Wrong way to go about it IMO.

Just had to pop out. Thank you stewie and chunky - I am so glad I am at least going with the MN tide.

Just an update:

I told the woman who wanted me to sign the letter that I wanted to support them but not that way. She basically accused me of being 'I'm alright Jack' about the bullying

I have gone directly to the head this morning and basically told her what you put down in your post Stewie. She was pleased to have advance warning and told me that there was no way the little girl would be excluded, and that things were way more complex than most people realised. She was aware of the problem with the bullying but said that often this poor girl is being accused of things she hadn't done/

So I have now texted the mum reiterating my support and advising her to speak to the head herself.

Thanks for your advice.

You did the right thing.

Who's the bigger bully now? she's out of line with this petitioning.

You did the right thing.

TBH this little girl may well have SN. One of my friend's DD has major behavioural problems (mainly involving hitting) and she is undergoing assessment at the moment for a statement. My friend, though, has been verbally attacked by loads of angry parents.

Preferring to speak to the head personally rather than signing a letter is probably a good move.

Surely though the point is not just to appear to be doing the right thing?

There is a value in calmly drawing the schools attention to an ongoing bullying problem. Especially so if it can be seen that you are no longer the target.

Is there any reason to think the bully has SN? I mean other that the fact that she is a bully. If we always assumed that then we would take no action on any bullying which wouldn't work would it.

You are a star, IrritatedMe. I am so pleased there are people like you who hold their ground and say no to schemes like this which are so very, very damaging to the "aggressor" children, who often do have considerably more going on than meets the eye. It is so much more humane (and often more productive) to speak to staff at the school privately. I worked with a family once whose little boy with severe special needs was the target of such a letter and I cannot tell you how devastated his mother was. It was horrible.

Sounds from the update that it is questionable whether she is a bully, thecrackfox. The school seems to think the situation is way more complex and that she is being wrongly accused at least some of the time, if I understand IrritatedMe's latest post correctly. I do think this would not be the right way to approach the problem even if it was a straightforward case of bullying (whatever that is), to be honest. Surely every parent concerned speaking to the school has the same effect of drawing attention to the fact that there is a real and serious problem here without the cruelty inherent in petitioning type letter.

Thanks Skegness - like the idea of being a 'star'!!

Don't think this little girl has special needs. But think home life is a bit complex, although the parents seem lovely.

I did want, truly, to support the parents of those bullied TBH. This little girl really upset my dd and she is still a little afraid of her. I probably wouldn't have gone to the head unless I had been pushed into action by feeling mean for not being supportive, but now I have I feel at least I have done the right thing.
I now don't give a monkey what the other mum thinks!

Thanks for all your help.

And slim22 - yes, I do feel a bit 'bullied' myself by this woman. I have hardly slept for worrying about this for the past couple of nights.

Well done IM. Hope you slept better last night.