Should we move in with my FIL?

[Threelittleducks]

Here's what I have been confronted with:

Live with my FIL for 6 months, pay off all our debts and have enough money to move out of the current (unsuitable, up 3 flights of stairs, in the middle of nowhere)flat to somewhere much bigger, closer to civilisation and better for all of us. He would let us live with him for 6 months rent free, council tax free, food bill free to help us to do the latter.

OR

Hack it out on our own for the next couple of years in this hell house with very little possibility of getting somewhere better for a very LONG time.

A no brainer - obviously, right?

AHA!

BUT!

Pro's = Obvious boost in life, in 6 months we have financial freedom, live in babysitter (FIL dotes on ds), nice family environment, finacial freedom

Con's = My FIL really really spoils my ds - I do not want a spoilt child - he could be completely ruined in 6 months. I'm not kidding - he is always buying him an atrocious amount of shite. It's ridiculous.
My ds is only 1 so is hard to explain value to him.
My FIL is super nice - and it's hard to say no to him. He always thinks he is helping, even if he is clearly not. He is also quite over the top with my ds - we went on hols lately with him and I didn't see my ds the whole time we were there (which would have been nice but I felt like my parental responsibility had been waived, which I didn't like). FIL also likes to do tons of stuff with him all in one day, leaving ds totally buggered for a week! He has him for 4 hours today and they are going to go swimming, to the park and to an indoor play centre - it's like whoah! He's only 1! You are going to kill him!! This means I then have grouchy tired, out-of-routine son for a week - which is hell. Think 6 months worth of this!
I just don't want to lose my rights as a parent - get the feeling he would take over, which would make me upset, except I wouldn't be able to freely say so, as I wouldn't want to upset him! Ahrgh!
Lack of space - he has a nice house. It's never clean (oh that's another one, my MIL died a while back and ever since he has made his daughter responsible for cleaning while he and his son do the bare minimum - he is right into his traditional gender roles!)
He is also hardcore catholic (which I am not) and argued with his other daughter for using condoms!
Also, my husband respects his father A LOT and will never confront him over ANYTHING even if he is really unhappy. His father can do NO wrong! It gets very frustrating!

Lol, I sound like I hate the guy, but I don't - am just trying to explain it properly.

Has anyone else done the same thing? How did it go?

Another thing is that I'm scared it will go past the months. I know my dh - he is sooooo wishy washy about stuff. We could be there for years if I don't keep on at him

Yep, tis a no brainer. Move in.

However, I think that if your DS is on tap 24/7 for FIL, maybe he won't be so over the top with him as there will be plenty of time to do stuff rather than squash everything into a couple of hours.

But, you could perhaps gently lay down some rules about routines and stuff? Maybe you could clean the house in return for him taking DS to softplay/park or where ever a couple of times a week?

don't do it

Ha ha, yeah, you are right. On paper it looks awesome. I phoned my best mate last night and her advice was "You'll hate every minute of it, but it will be worth it".

What a great opportunity though.

However I am so so scared. I love my own space - nay need my own space, which I think I shall get very little of. Also when we are around my FIL my dh acts very mush the good son, not like my husband at all 9 not that he is a bad husband, he is a very very good husband), but he treats me like a well loved sister rather than his wife. I guess I am just scared what it might do to my marriage.

However it could go swimmingly.....ugh...I hate change!

I am also slightly wishy washy about decision making. And it is guaranteed I will make the wrong choice. I always do. My life rule is typically sod's law.

bet you are still there in 3 years time!

Is that the voice of experience EldonAve?
Have you too a wishy washy oh?

I think I would do it but it would have to be on the proviso that the money was paid off in 6 months, no matter how many sacrifices that took.

I would also have a get-out clause - if it gets too much you go elsewhere.

Yeah GhoulsAreLoud, I have already made my hubby promise in no uncertain terms that we are to run like hell find somewhere else asap if things are unbearable! Oh yes!

Whether he remembers it or not when 6 months comes.....hmmmm.....

Oh I need a fairy godmother and a magic looking-into-the-future wand right now.

I think that as long as you are going in with your eyes wide open - and can all sit down and agree some boundaries and rules before you go for it - it will be hard but worth it. It' very generous of your FIL to offer you the opportunity, but you need to sure that it is right for you all.

What are your FIL's expectations of the arrangements? If he hasn't made it clear, I'd find out asap. He may be expecting you to take over the drudge side of running the household - all the shopping, cooking, cleaning etc. - which you may not mind doing (sounds like he won't expect DH to do much ), but it's better that everyone is clear before you make the move.

Also, will your family and friends be welcome to come over? What will you do about sharing the phone/internet etc. Is he a bit funny about when and how long the washing machine and tuble dryer are used, or the heating is on etc. And if he's hardcore Catholic, will he be expecting you all to go to Mass? In the end, it's the little things that can cause the most problems.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

Thanks cakeywakey - a big list is what is needed of rules and stuff.

I'm def not going to Mass - neither is my son. And I will def be mentioning this!

Yeah my DH won't be expected to do anything! I have a wierd feeling that I'm going to be the "mother figure" of the house (the house really needs a 'woman's touch' IYKWIM)

sigh

It's a little bit 'out of the frying pan and into the fire'