Should I buy Call of Duty 6 for ds2 or risk him being bullied?

[Stayingsunnygirl]

Ds2 (14 yo) has had a horrible time in school so far, being bullied in junior school, in his old senior school, and with some bullying since we moved to Scotland, though he does have more friends up here than he had down south.

He is desperate to get Call of Duty6, which is an 18 certificate. Both dh and I are opposed to this, because we feel it is too violent and we are not prepared to let him have it.

In the past, we have let the boys have games with a higher age certificate than their ages, but only when we felt that we were OK with the content. Also they've sometimes played games at other people's houses, and whilst it may be a bit wet of me, I've sometimes let them have games that they have already played, on the basis that you can't unring the bell.

Dh hasn't always been redhot on observing certificates either, so I do know we are on a slightly shaky foundation by refusing this game - though we have never let them have an 18 game or film before.

I have just had ds2 pleading with me in tears to get this game for him. He says that everyone in his year at school has got the game, and that the Neds (not sure what they are, just that they are a big influential group of bullies) have already bullied someone whose parents wouldn't get him the game.

Ds2 says that he will be miserable because he will get bullied by the Neds for not having the game. Also his friends will all be playing it, and chatting to eachother online whilst doing so, and he will be excluded from this because he won't have the game, so his afternoons will be unhappy too.

What would you do - get him the game against your better judgement, or refuse to get the game, uphold your own principles and risk your child getting bullied?

Buy it. It's one less thing for the bully's to have a go about, he will feel like he fits in more, he may make some decent friends while chatting on line and at school about it, and of course he will hopefully enjoy playing it!

As for the bullying, I went through a similar thing when I moved to Scotland as a teenager. The neds will eventually get bored and move on to their next target. He will make good friends in time and as he gets older the problems he's experiencing now will fade. I would advise him to keep his head down, spend time with people he likes and try to stop worrying about what the neds have to say. Don't make a big issue of it with the school, the bullys or their parents as that could well focus the attention on him even more and make the situation worse.

I feel for him, teenage years are difficult enough without having bullying to deal with, Good luck!

"of course he will hopefully enjoy playing it."

Yes, because that's what we all hope for our teenage sons, that they enjoy playing a game where they get to gun people down in cold blood.

I can't believe some of the responses on this thread.

I know, SleepingLion - intellectually I utterly agree with you, but it is complicated by ds2's distress at the bullying, and his fear that this will open him up to more of the same.

I have asked ds1 to do a little research at school, to see if the Neds are bullying people who don't have the game, and to see if people know about ds2 being bullied and about the bullies in his year, as that might help me combat it. I've also asked ds1 to keep an eye out for ds2, and look after him a bit.

I wouldn't object to this game as much if it was aliens getting shot at - I wonder if there is a similarly popular game that ds2 might get instead?

I have come back to this even more cross than I was before. Buying a CHILD a violent computer game will not suddenly make that child free from bullies and if people really think it will, they are living in cloud cuckoo land.

There is no justification for this: you are just looking for excuses to write off bad parenting as supporting a bullied child. Sorry if that offends a few people but I really, really believe it.

Are you saying that I am a bad parent because I am worrying about this decision, Janeite? Do you think it is easy to look my son in the eye, as he cries and pleads?

I haven't ever suggested that having this game will make him free from bullying, but he honestly believes that he will get bullied if he doesn't have the game - so not getting it for him will give the bullies another target.

I apologise that I cannot lightly and easily make a decision that might lead to my child being bullied.

No sorry - you've misunderstood me or I didn't make myself clear in my outrage.

I was talking about other people who are justifying buying games like this and telling you to buy it because it will help against the bullies. I meant that buying inappropriate games is bad parenting - not wanting to help a child against bullies. And you and your dp are opposed to the game, as you say in your op. And as you say, buying it would go totally against your better judgement.

Don't buy it. It won't solve anything. Of course it will be hard to say 'no', but often the right thing is the most difficult.

Aside from the violence etc. buying it sends the message that your son should conform and give in to bullies. He is better than that, and all you can do is your best to help him see it.

It's horrible, but I think it can be character building if handled right. Good luck.

Janeite - I can understand that you really believe that there is no justification for the OP buying the game. I totally disagree with you. (I've posted earlier on this thread).

I saw my mum today and I asked her opinion. She brought up my 3 brothers and remembers them being teenagers not so long ago. They are all "respectable" members of society in their twenties now who have never been in any sort of trouble. She said, without hesitation, that she would buy the game for a 14yo boy.

I think that your views are too idealistic given that we do not live in an ideal society. I think that idealism can often backfire because of the society we live in - I know someone in their twenties who spends all his free time watching TV. He watches as much as he can whenever he can - the reason for this is that he had a very strict upbringing and he was never allowed to watch TV. I would apply the same logic to 18 cert. films and computer games.

Allowing this game in moderation at age 14 with a discussion about the morals of it all is very sensible IMO. I think it is a terrible mistake to grow up insulated from society.

Also, it is my belief that 14yo boys do not cry and sob like toddlers unless there is something pretty serious upsetting them. Getting a new toy is not on that level - bullying is.

But protecting children from horribly violent computer games isn't insulating them from society. It's just insulating them from things that are (rightly imho) marked as being inappropriate for them.

I let my children watch (suitable) TV programmes, they watch the news, they read the newspapers, they read challenging and thought provoking books,they are aware of society: but that doesn't mean that I want them engaging in activities which I think they should be protected from - such as violent films and games.

And bullies will always find something to target, if they so desire. He could get the game this week but have the wrong trainers next week - or whatever. Because bullying is by its very nature irrational and ever-changing.

Janeite and crokky - you are both making my life very difficult, by posting so intelligently and thoughtfully. You are both making very good points, and each one makes me waver!

I'm so sorry that I upset you earlier - I really, really didn't mean my comments to be directed at you. I am just horrified at the idea of people letting ten year olds on games like this etc.

crokky, not being allowed access to Call of Duty at 14 is hardly being 'insulated from society'. Not having the chance to travel, experience other cultures or try new things, they are the factors that could lead to a sheltered existence, not being prevented from fiddling with a computer controller watching people getting blown up

Watching the evening news is enough exposure to the horrors of the world, there is no need to spend hours playing an extremely violent computer game to gain a fully formed idea of society.

Could your ds be pleading and crying because he really wants the game perhaps?
If he were to be bullied because all his friends stand outside the shops drinking cider and he wasn't allowed, would you then allow that aswell? Going against your gut instinct on the say so of some 14 yo bully is a dangerous precedent to set.

And TennisFan, words fail me, honestly. And what is your 10yo playing at another house that could possibly be worse than Call of Duty?

Go online to find out what the other latest boring fabby games are. Buy him two of them. So he can say, oh no I'm not getting that, I'm waiting for the game, it's meant to be much better".
And please contact the school about the bullying/unhealthy relationships etc!

Janeite - no apology needed.

And yes, MoreCrack - it has crossed my mind that ds2 might be using distress to try to get the game, but it is out of character for him.

Your point about cider is a good one too, and I wouldn't let him drink cider outside the shops with a gang of boys - but we do allow the boys to have an occasional drink with a meal. Ds3 gets a sip or two of wine, ds2 has the occasional taste, but doesn't like the taste, and ds1 (16) is allowed a glass of wine with a meal. We feel that we would rather they had the occasional sensible drink with us than that they sneak around behind our backs and see that as exciting and grown up.

I agree re the alcohol and I will have a similar approach when the time comes

That wasn't really the point I was making though, I was questioning how far you would stretch your principles to allow your ds to bow to peer pressure.

I just thought I'd add my little bit to this. my son is 15 Y10 and he got this game when it came out a couple of days ago and yes, nearly all of his friends do have it. There is a gore button at the beginning of the game so you can opt out of the more gory bits.

He tells me that unlike COD4 you can't go into a private game with just a few people and so with COD6, the new game, the online situation is better, with no swearing or pressure or name-calling.

I'd say get the game for him. You can restrict the amount of time that he plays on it, but at least he can say that he has the game.

I do feel that most of the people who have spoken up against getting the game either don't have 14/15 year old sons and/or don't have children who have had to deal with bullying at school. I have had both and it's easy to say don't give in to the bullies, but they're not the ones having to deal with things day to day to day...

I haven't read all of the thread so forgive me if I'm repeating here but if you are seriously considering letting your son onto this game, perhaps you should have you or DH check it out first.

I think the cert's are there for a reason but properly supervised and allowed they can be fine. I agree with the Grand Theft Auto observation, my son would NOT be allowed within the same room as that game.

The bullying issue aside though, if your son is asking for the game, the reasoning for it is irrelavant. You have to be comfortable with it.

I have a 14yo son who has been bullied at school. He wants this game so much, he even shouted at me in the street the other day when I said he couldn't have it. I have no problem with Assassins Creed or Drakes Fortune, but as the BBFC have rated this game an 18, he will not be getting it at present. I will review this once he is 16, but by that time, he won't want it any more.

As to those who say their kids see worse on TV, I monitor what he sees on TV as well.

Ds accepts (for the most part) that I am not as liberal as some of his friends parents, and that he is not allowed GTA for instance. In fact, when a friend of his sneaked it into my house, knowing my views on it, it was removed and put out of reach until he left. I think 16 is time enough for 18 games, 14 is too young.

I am informed that is you have a PC, then Mass Effect is fab.