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Original poster

Should I buy Call of Duty 6 for ds2 or risk him being bullied?

69 replies

Stayingsunnygirl · 11/11/2009 17:05

Ds2 (14 yo) has had a horrible time in school so far, being bullied in junior school, in his old senior school, and with some bullying since we moved to Scotland, though he does have more friends up here than he had down south.

He is desperate to get Call of Duty6, which is an 18 certificate. Both dh and I are opposed to this, because we feel it is too violent and we are not prepared to let him have it.

In the past, we have let the boys have games with a higher age certificate than their ages, but only when we felt that we were OK with the content. Also they've sometimes played games at other people's houses, and whilst it may be a bit wet of me, I've sometimes let them have games that they have already played, on the basis that you can't unring the bell.

Dh hasn't always been redhot on observing certificates either, so I do know we are on a slightly shaky foundation by refusing this game - though we have never let them have an 18 game or film before.

I have just had ds2 pleading with me in tears to get this game for him. He says that everyone in his year at school has got the game, and that the Neds (not sure what they are, just that they are a big influential group of bullies) have already bullied someone whose parents wouldn't get him the game.

Ds2 says that he will be miserable because he will get bullied by the Neds for not having the game. Also his friends will all be playing it, and chatting to eachother online whilst doing so, and he will be excluded from this because he won't have the game, so his afternoons will be unhappy too.

What would you do - get him the game against your better judgement, or refuse to get the game, uphold your own principles and risk your child getting bullied?

OP posts:

crokky · 11/11/2009 19:50

I would get him the game. He is a teenager being bullied and he has turned to you for help because he trusts you.

Presumably, he could shoplift it or similar - I'm not suggesting that your DS is a shoplifter or anything remotely like that, I'm just suggesting what can happen to a boy at a very difficult age who feels that nobody is on his side.

Iggipepperedfillet · 11/11/2009 19:55

I wouldn't show my DS an 18 certificate film, or buy him alcohol. So why would I get him an 18 rated game? A talk about it on TV mentioned a level where you have to kill civilians in an airport. Lovely.
I know the peer pressure thing is really hard. I get what you're saying Stayingsunny about the school not being able to help because it's only a potential bullying issue. As a teacher though I'd love to know this was going on, and could raise the issue (no names of course) in Social Ed classes or whatever similar thing your school has. You could ask your child's year head about that. I think playing the game could also be very disturbing for any fairly sensitive boy/girl as well!

Ripeberry · 11/11/2009 20:49

Listen to yourselves. If you were in America and all the other kids had riffles, then would you let your teenagers have one as well?
Hope it does not rot their minds. So what if he gets bullied about it?
It shows how shallow his 'friends' are and how nasty as well

Ripeberry · 11/11/2009 20:53

This is like virtual gang wars. How sad for everyone concerned. Just feel so worried for parents of young boys out there . Not sure if girls are into this?

crokky · 11/11/2009 21:58

I'd like to defend what I wrote earlier about buying the game.

Aside from the fact that he wants his mum to help him etc...

One day, this boy will turn 18. Do you all think it is OK on his 18th birthday for him to then have immediate access to a wealth of games, films etc? Personally, I think introducing it now with a discussion about it would be fine, especially if it is going to help him avoid the bullies. Think of the plot lines of very popular TV/DVD sets - like "24" - this presumably has an 18 certificate, involves terrorism, violent killing etc etc, but it is totally mainstream entertainment watched by ordinary people all over the world. Is it OK, just because a certain date has arrived for all this stuff (DVDs/games whatever) to be handed over? I don't think so - it would be better introduced in moderation with a discussion from his mum. Now an appropriate time has presented itself. If it was my 14yo, I'd go out and get the game tomorrow.

SleepingLion · 11/11/2009 22:13

Is this the game that has been in the papers/on the radio and so on - just been released??

Can't believe everyone is so relaxed about letting 14yr olds play it. On the radio this morning they were describing the airport scene - apparently the player just walks through the airport and can shoot civilians who are on the floor, injured, pleading for mercy and so on. Interestingly, the man defending it said that it was fine because people watched 24, etc and watching these things on TV is apparently just the same as playing the game where you pull the trigger and make the decision to kill those people yourself (albeit in a virtual world)

It is so that this is absolutely fine and acceptable because everyone else will be playing it and sod the 18 rating.

Iggipepperedfillet · 11/11/2009 22:16

Crokky he's only 14. There's a long time to "prepare" him for the world of access to 18 certificates! Do we use the same argument for starting drinking at 14, or sex at 12?

JesusChristOtterStar · 11/11/2009 22:21

i would never ever buy this game for any boy in my life but that is because i loathe guns etc

i would NOT buy this for a 14 year old even if it were not so gory as the cert is 18 and it is 18 for a reason

the problem with bullying and your son 'pleading' with you for the game is worrying

what next - everyone has done this that the other and to keep on the right side of the bullies your son will do it too?

i think this is bizarre

a game will not stop your son from being bullied - why would it?

JesusChristOtterStar · 11/11/2009 22:22

bullys

crokky · 11/11/2009 22:26

Iggipepperedfillet - I do believe there are many parents who allow 14yos to taste small quantites of alcohol in the safety of their own homes, yes. Certainly I remember going on a residential subject trip at school (aged 14) where people were not only experimenting with alcohol, but drugs as well. Our school teachers would have tried to look after us, but we were allowed to socialise with children from another school whilst on this trip - those children were 16 - so that is how it all came about.

Regarding sex, no, obviously it would be terrible for a 12yo to be doing that and I would try and prevent it.

I think that in an ideal world, your views are totally correct. However, our society is far from ideal and as parents I think we need to take a balanced judgement regarding which rules are bent for our children. Bullying is extremely painful and I would be bending this particular 18 certificate rule to try and alleviate some of this pain.

Anyway, I allowed my 3yo to eat a McD cheeseburger today so perhaps I should not be allowed to comment .

JesusChristOtterStar · 11/11/2009 22:28

and by buying him the same game that his mates have that pain will be alleviated crokky? How is that?

crokky · 11/11/2009 22:30

I've put a quote below from the OP - but my opinion is that buying the game just gives the bullies one less angle to attack the OP's DS2 from.

"Ds2 says that he will be miserable because he will get bullied by the Neds for not having the game. Also his friends will all be playing it, and chatting to eachother online whilst doing so, and he will be excluded from this because he won't have the game, so his afternoons will be unhappy too."

seeker · 11/11/2009 22:31

There is a huge difference between virtually watching (as in 24) or firtually doing as in this ghastly computer game.

Original poster

Stayingsunnygirl · 11/11/2009 22:34

This is really difficult. What I've read about this game here, and on the other thread, horrifies me, but so does the thought of ds2 being bullied even more. I want him to trust me, and I am glad that he feels he can talk to me when he's bullied, but as someone said a little earlier, there has to be a limit to what I'll do or allow in order that he slips under the bullies' radar.

Intellectually I know that I should not let him have the game - I don't want him playing something where you can walk through an airport slaughtering people who are begging for mercy. But emotionally, it is a different matter. Crokky and JCOS are both right.

Thank-you everyone for your input - I appreciate the time you have all taken.

OP posts:

JesusChristOtterStar · 11/11/2009 22:40

i worry that it seems your son has suffered more than his fair share of bullying already..

something needs to change and in my experience with teens- if he does end up with the game - within weeks there will be another issue

maybe you could try to ascertain what it is ds2 is being teased about and try to work with that?

GetOrfMoiLand · 11/11/2009 22:41

I am sorry that your son is being bullied - my 13 yr old dd has just had a horrible time of it at her school to the point where she was shaking and crying before school. The school dealt with it to a certain extent (to cut a long story short dd was etting to be so unhappy I have decided to move school) - a lot of it was verbal bullying and intimidation, plus the potential of it happening in the future. Please speak to the pastoral worker at the school and keep on at them. They need to know that this kind of thing is going on.

Wrt to the game - I really think that these violent games where you are put in the position of shooting and bombing people from a first person perspective are absolutely vile and not suitable for underage teens. i don't think you should give in on the basis of the bullys. I don't think it would help anyway, to be honest if your son ends up playing with the bullys online it could get worse and lead to online bullying of the type indicated above.

at a 10 year old playing this crap. What are you thinking?

MissTFied · 11/11/2009 22:49

No way.

How would this stop any bullying? Could your son be exaggerating just to get the game?

If he does get it, what next to stop the bullies?

differentID · 11/11/2009 22:53

Sorry , but I think a lot of it is a case of "but all my mates have one"

to which the proper response should be "If everyone else jumped off a cliff would you follow?"

I think that these type of games have their place- if an adult is playing them, but they are designed to bring out the aggressive side of people. When he's going through a time of massive hormnal upheaval anyway, this type of game shouldn't be encouraged.

seeker · 11/11/2009 23:02

"I got it and my DS is only 10!
He plays much worse at his cousins - so I am OK with it."

From earlier in the thread. 10 years old - not year 10.

I am very depressed by this.

GetOrfMoiLand · 11/11/2009 23:05

Agree with seeker - what the bloody hell gets played at the cousins?

JesusChristOtterStar · 11/11/2009 23:08

this thread scared me at the start thank god the voices of reason came on later

BitOfFun · 12/11/2009 00:12

I've got a 14 yr old dss, and tbh, there is no way he would get bullied just because he didn't have that game. I think the problem is a wider one than whether to buy this game or not, as some have suggested. If dss were my son and it was up to me, he wouldn't be getting the game. As it stands, it's not up to me, and he may well get it. I don't like it, but at the same time he doesn't play any computer games obsessively bar FIFA, which is harmless enough(and he plays football in RL far more), so I don't think he'll be too damaged by it.

I do worry particularly for kids who play this kind of hing for hours and hours at a stretch though. If I can dream of mumsnet, that's embarrassing but benign- I would hate to think my kid was dreaming of this kind of stuff...

TheLadyEvenstar · 12/11/2009 00:20

SSG, you like me have a choice to make with this issue. Now ds1 is only 11 and TBH is not into games THANKFULLY. However he did mention that his 9yr old cousin has played it....why doesn't this surprise me? the same child who is allowed to watch and repeat lee evans jokes!

However The bullying does make it a difficult one for you. Can you talk to ds an d maybe suggest he just says he is getting it for xmas?

mrsjammi · 12/11/2009 00:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TheLadyEvenstar · 12/11/2009 00:55

I must be an evil mummy because I just won't buy any game that is not for ds1's age group....we have loads of games but there are some he is not allowed to play.

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