Have to chose whether to have Christmas dinner with or without my 9yo daughter

[NeedCoffee]

Not sure whether I'm being reasonable or not, am drugged up with painkillers so maybe not thinking straight.

Basically-usually DD1-9 usually spends Christmas morning and dinner with me then I take her to her Dads and grandparents and she has tea and spends a night or 2 there, I usually take her around 3 and since I had dd2 we stay for an hour or 2 as they've usually got dd2 some presents to open.

Anyway-last yr DPs aunty invited us for chhristmas dinner, but it wasn't to be ready till about 2, so I very nicely declined as I didn't thik it was fair to let it run over into xps time with DD1 and also felt it was quite latre for dd2 to be eating, everything kicked off as I was being selfish etc etc, but thats a different story.

This year I said I'd be doing lunch here and taking DD as usual or we'd be eating at a pub but taking dd as usual, if anyone wanted to see us(as in me and the 2 DDs, DP can do what he wants) they could work round us.

Anyway DPs Mum has just called to see if we want to all meet at a pub for Christmas dinner, reluctantly I said fine aslong as DD can get to her Dads around the usual time, DP just called to find out child prices and found out they don't start serving food till 3!

So-my options

A Do christmas dinner at my house and take DD as usual, yet upset DP and his family.

B Snack all day then go and have dinner at the pub with tired DDs and drop dd1 off afterwards late(which she has already said she doesn't want to do, but doesn't mind going to her Dads early and having dinner there)

C-Drop DD1 off at her Dads to have lunch there and then go to DPs familys and have dinner at the pub with all of them, even though I think its too late for DD2 to be eating really.

I can see that C is probably the fairest on everyone, but I really don't want to have to give up part of my christmas day with my daughter.

So, if you've kept up and it still makes sense-WWYD?

D- feed both girls christmas dinner at home, not having much yourself( child size portion). Take DD1 to dads, then go to pub with DD2 who by now will surely have room for a little more, eat yourself silly with DP etc.

Sound like the pub christmas dinner is more like a tea time dinner than a lunch.

Uni-oh yeah, not a bad idea, its just I suppose the point of eating out is not to have all the crap that comes with preperation and cleaning up afterwards.

Of course if dps the demon family could find one that served around 12/1pm then life would be so much easier for me, but its his Aunty's 2nd christmas with her PFB so of course its her choice

Thanks SGM, Thats how I felt, I already don't see DD all day so I don't want to give my time up with her and also why should exp give his time up.

I will stick to my guns and be the wicked witch as usual

Couldn't she have Christmas morning with her Dad and then you could pick her up after lunch?

Well I could do PP, but her dad usually takes her to visit other family boxing day etc and tbh, now my head is clearer, I'm thinking why should I mess with something that has worked the last 7 years for people that made life very difficult last year and really aren't willing to compromise.

I don't really want to spend the day with them, but would be willing to have lunch etc with them if they could find a pub that served food earlier or even be willing to have them all here, but who I am to decide that exp is getting her later than planned and taking it out of his control, that wouldn't be fair and I would be very pi**ed off if he tried to do the same to me.

Needcoffee, do what works, why fix something that isn't broken?

I'd do (OK I do anyway LOL) a big Christmas brunch. Then let DD1 have a lateish chrstms dinner with her dad, might be nice for him and they sound nice from what you say here, then go and enjoy as dd2 will be hungry @3pm.

We do that anyway as nobody will eat first thing and theya re too full then to eat for Lunch

Thanks for all the ideas, will speak to DD1 later and sort something out

You should be quite firm I think - your DPs family are being pretty unhelpful.

Its your day with your children! Do what makes you happy. If there is one thing I have learned about familes, its that someone is always upset no matter what you do and its usually over the daftest thing. I agree that its not fair on your xps to miss any of his time with his child and why should you compromise on your time with your child, especially at xmas. Hope you sort it out.

I agree with JTGPsmummy. Some people will always find fault no matter what you do, so you may as well do what you want.

Big brunch to sort your DD2 out is a good idea.

Thanks for the replies, have stood firm(I think) Have told DPs Mum that we will be having cristmas dinner at my house, they are all welcome to come here and we will be eating at around 1, its up to them whether they come or not and then we can all meet out on boxing day and DD1 can chose whether she comes for that or not.

I hope think that just his Mum, DB and DS will end up coming and then all meet boxing day, which will be fine with me!

Oh no, they're all coming, never mind, at least it solves my Dd problem, lucky I've just ordered a new cooker!

Tell me about it, I'd be happier staying in with the girls, eating nibbles, playing with new stuff and watching christmas films, thats what we always did as kids, but needs must.

oh no, that awful, hope you get to open a few presents in the morning to keep the kids going

LOL don't blame you, have a change this year and give him a lime to suck on