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if you'd heard this from a 5 year old?

8 replies

womblemeister · 21/10/2009 21:25

Situation (excuse all the background but it is relevant): return playdate (pre-arranged) at my house with a mum and her 2 kids. As we all leave school to go to mine, we see another little girl from their class who lives in my street. I can see that this little girl has twigged that my DD has invited another friend home, and is jealous. To cut a long story short this little girl has a lot of family issues and as a result is extremely demanding and badly-behaved. I feel very sorry for her and want to help but not at the expense of my own DCs who are already enough of a challenge for me. So I don't invite her, just say goodbye and off we go with the other friends and their mum.
Lo and behold 20 mins later there she is with her dad outside the gate asking to come and play. Of course I say yes. Prior to that all the kids had been playing together happily, in comes this other little girl and literally 2 mins after she walks in, she and my DD fall out about something, then she comes up to me and goes "D'you know that DD just said a swear word?" Like a fool thinking it was going to be bum or poo or something, I said "oh what did she say?" Little girl promptly replies "F H" (actually it was in Italian and is slightly worse than F* H** due to religious connotations) at which point my jaw hit the floor. All the kids stopped playing and stared, and this was right in front of the other mum. I hadn't heard what they'd been saying so no idea who, if anyone, had actually sworn or if this kid was just making it all up. I told my DD off as calmly as I could just to make the point about no swearing. DD has certainly not heard it from me as I always speak English in the house.

Best way to move on? How do you deal with swearing? What would you have thought if it had happened at one of your friends' houses?? I

OP posts:
kid · 21/10/2009 21:32

As you don't know if your DD said it, I would naturally ask her if she had said it. I'd expect her to deny it regardless of whether she had said it or not. I would then point out that you don't know for sure if it was said, but you don't want to hear anyone saying it again.

I would then leave it like that. Wouldn't even mention it to the girls parents unless it happened again.

Thats how I would deal with it anyway.

FlamingoBingo · 21/10/2009 21:32

So did your DD swear or not? Did she say she swore?

Personally, I don't mind my children swearing but I tell them that lots of people do mind hearing swearing and that it's easy to know who it's ok to swear in front of as an adult, but not as a child, so it's best never to do it in case you upset someone you love. And I say that their Grandma and Great-Grandma, for example, would be really, really sad and upset to hear them swearing. So they don't do it. They hear me swearing a lot, and apologising for swearing, but they never do it - the worst I've heard is a mid-tantrum mild swear word.

However, I would be more cross at the little girl's attempt to get your DD into trouble if your DD didn't actually swear.

womblemeister · 21/10/2009 21:43

She might have said it but still not sure. I asked her then and there, she said yes but didn't look sure. Then DH asked her later this evening what the word was and she said "cavolo" which is totally inoffensive. So no idea.

WWYD about "avoiding" potentially difficult playmates?

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kid · 21/10/2009 21:47

just don't invite them!
My DC have some 'friends' like that at school. I might not be able to control who they play with at school, but I certainly won't encourage them to play together at my house

womblemeister · 21/10/2009 21:50

I don't encourage them. We live in a street with a huge play area outside where basically everyone can see who's playing with who. We'd have to literally stay inside with the curtains drawn and start hiding behind walls at the school gate to avoid her. Her mum's left home leaving her with her dad and GPs, so I feel awful excluding her.

OP posts:
kid · 21/10/2009 22:21

I can understand feeling sorry for her, who wouldn't. I would just be worried about the bad influence on my own kids. Mind you, there are enough people about to influence our kids anyway and my kids are definitely no angels.
Its really difficult to know what to do for the best at times.

FlamingoBingo · 21/10/2009 22:25

Just don't invite her.

However much you feel for her, you have to put your children first, so unless your DD really wants her there, then don't have her over.

MrsGuyofGisbourne · 18/11/2009 19:08

Agree about not inviting her. I used to agonise over this until one day I realised that you don't have to have people in your house you don't want and who the children don't want.
Thd DC invite the children they like, and we don't invite those they don't. Simple. (Tho DC also need to understadn they can't accept invitations from those children that they won't reciprocate

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