DS finally settled with CM but DP and I not so happy

[FairMidden]

I've posted a couple of times before about DS, who's 2, struggling to settle with the CM. 6 months in he's fairly settled now, hasn't cried at drop-off time for the last few weeks and has stopped saying he doesn't want to go. He still comes home like a zombie (she always has a real houseful) but he seems much happier.

The thing is, although DS is happier, DP and I are still a bit unsure about the CM. She's so vague about everything, and seems to sort of gently mock the kids a bit - not in an unkind way, it's hard to explain, just maybe not as respectful as I might hope. She expects DS to take himself off for a sleep (which he won't do, he just gets overtired and hyper instead) rather than put him down for a sleep when he needs it. The food leaves a bit to be desired although it's only 2 days a week so we're not too fussed about that. I don't think she's well thought of as a CM round here but nobody has given specific reasons for their opinions - I think it's rooted in having so many tinies at the one time and her being so flippant about everything.

There's an incongruency between our ways and hers, a personality issue rather than anything more specific. But neither of us really feel totally at ease with her and certainly if it was a full time situation we'd most probably have moved him by now. If there was something specific we could talk it over with her but I think the problems are too fundamental for that to be helpful.

Obviously now DS is happier it isn't an obvious decision to move him, but neither of us is really satisfied with her and can't see a way to improve that. I would be much more careful choosing another childminder, and I have someone in mind. But is it right to move DS who seems settled at last?

[Ewe]

That is a really tough one but if your gut instinct says she isn't right then I would probably go with that.

Have you thought about nursery? As they have more carers they can be a bit more accommodating in my experience i.e - putting him down for a nap.

[littleducks]

how many littlies does she have?

[FairMidden]

No nurseries here Ewe, and TBH we'd rather he was in a "family" setting for now.

I can't answer that one littleducks - can't keep count, just lots, and either new faces quite often or these kids' parents work really random shifts! Usually 2-4 under 5 every day plus older kids.

[acebaby]

Unless your DS is really obviously attached to the childminder, I'd go with your instincts and move him. If he has got used to spending some time away from home, this 'skill' may well help him settle with the new childminder (although obviously expect some tears - 2yos love their routines!). We had endless trouble with DS1, but once we had got him to settle at one place, he managed to settle at other settings relatively easily.

I am writing as someone who has (hopefully) learnt from two very bad decisions about childcare btw - not as a childcare professional or expert on children.