- that's it really, what would you do?

[bibbitybobbityhat]

I have made some nice mum friends at the dc school. Have known them about three or four years now, we are a group of about five or six. I like all these women, but would only regard one of them as a close friend iyswim.

Anyway, maybe once a term we all go out for an evening. About 3 or 4 terms ago, I realised that I just don't enjoy these nights out (I find them terribly dull, there's usually a lot of chat about school and the dc, at least one member of the party gets so pissed she needs to be helped home, usually by me as I know when to stop, the same topics of conversation go round all the time).

So now a date has been proposed for going out for a drink quite soon. I cannot go because dh is working that night (hooray!) - I have said so BUT now the rest of the group is insisting we change the date to a date I can do.

I wish to say, look, just go without me, I don't want to come anyway.

Can I do that? Will they all shun me from now on? And not let their dc be friends with mine?

I feel I am too old now to have to go on nights out, which are supposed to be fun for me, which I just don't enjoy. But I'm a well brought up person and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

Any ideas anyone?

Say your Dh is having unpredictable shift patterns at the moment and you couldnt possibly mess them around several times as his work dates changed, so please go ahead without you.

TBH i think you need to suck it up.

Often these evenings can be a bit dull as people stay on safe topics. People get drunk because they either go out rarely or they drink when nervous.

But it is great to have people that are friends and support while our children move through school.

I don'tthink you will hurt their feelings but you are making a bit of an issue if you actually say 'I don't want to come out' rather than hoping to have an excuse.

I think you are being a bit churlish. And don't forh
I also don't forget that you are sitting there being as dull as they are. Perhaps you need to liven it with your astonishing and witty conversation
And and atthe notion of being too old to go out and have a social drink

But remember "don't forh"

Turn the conversation to bumsex something other than children, go where there's music, get drunk and dance. That's what I do and it's great.

at cocolepew

Actually OP, just go to cocos mums night out

We're going next Friday if you want to come

I wondered if I was being churlish.

I am very nearly as old as you paggy (I have been kicking around on Mumsnet a long time under a different name) and I have good friends, know how to have a good time, don't worry. I just find this particular group a bit dull. They all seem to enjoy these evenings out though, cos they keep organising them!

I don't mean I am too old to go out for drinks! I mean I am too old to do things I don't want to do just to keep other people happy .

Agree with Paggykins.

You are a right old misery. Put your satin and tat on and go out. Make them talk about other things.

But I don't want to go!!!!!!

Right, I'm gonna keep bumping this til someone agrees with me and tells me how to word the group text ...

(sadly dh does not work shifts )

Dear Mums,
You are boring, I'm staying in.
See you Monday.
Love and hugs Bibbitybobbity. x

dh going for promotion so he has to work late a lot?
a new diet/ religion for you so you can't go drinking?
erm, can't think of anything else!

Or just go!

"I'm washing my hair that night"

what night?

"all of the possible nights, really go on ahead"

Ach, just go! Suggest a different venue, or maybe get the mum you like to come and have a glass of wine and dinner or something at yours beforehand, and you can get 'into the mood'?

Life is too short to do things you really can't be arsed to, but you can jib out without being offensive

Why not just say to them that you don't feel like going out much at the moment so they should go ahead without you and you might go next time (then see how you feel next time)

Oh you lot are all much nicer than me. I am an old git, obviously.

Perhaps they all feel the same way and we are all sitting there bored to the back teet? .

paggykins !

Bibbity. I'll come with you. We can talk about the Vyella sale and how much better the music was in the 70's and arn't the nights drawing in and why is the music always so loud ( "I SAID WHY IS THE MUSIC SO LOUD") .
And we can do this [catsbumface] and they will never trouble you again.

Thats what I always do

Yep, and then we can link arms and go off to the bingo. And I'll bring a flask of tea and you can bring the corned beef sandwiches .

I have one word for you

Battenberg

I have a group of friends like this, our kids are the same age. I always say to dh - never again - but I do end up going. Is pretty boring as we never get past taking about the kids (all at different schools now) hasnt' been one for a few months thank god so must send out some emails. haha!

Heh heh.

Don't you dare send any emails Ramona! Just let the meetups quietly die a death.

So, I sent a text: can't come, don't rearrange for me as I will cancel again if dh gets offered more work any night, also I'm off the booze atm, please all just have a lovely night without me.

Two of the four have texted back saying "no no no no we can't possibly do it without you!!! xxx"

So ... why aren't the other two bothered - that's I want to know .

why don't you go and stir up an almighty row, then no-one will think it's a good idea in the future!!

Oh dear - if I read 'also I'm off the booze atm' I'd immediately think you were pregnant and demand that you come out with us and tell me all the details!

I get the impression from the two who have texted you that the night will be even more boring if you don't go!

Perhaps you could suggest a change of venue - take them to somewhere you really want to go that might either stir them out of their humdrummity or frighten them so much that they never ask you again...

Or, go into overdrive and talk ALL NIGHT about your DC and how Maaaahvellous they are, until they are all biting their fingers off.

Or tell them you can't possibly go out as your DH is suffering from some dreadful anxiety thing and has to have you by him AT ALL TIMES in the house, just in case...

Or you could just go and tell the truth when you get there - "Is it just me or does anyone else find these evenings a tad dull?"

Good luck - not the easiest of situations; and be careful because it does run the risk of backfiring on you rather spectacularly.

Oh well. Got to school this morning and saw two of my chums with the upshot that the night out is to be rearranged and I WILL be going. Feeling a bit more up for it today, actually, its nice to be wanted ... and of course you shouldn't take your friends for granted.

I am a grouchy old bear.