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Original poster

Shall I take my friend up on her offer?

16 replies

MaMight · 09/09/2009 19:13

It takes me 45 minutes to drive dd to school.
20 minutes home again (rush hour traffic on the way in).
4 hours later it's back into the car - 20 minutes in and 20 minutes back.

Poor ds (17 months old) spends nearly 2 hours in the car. It's a bit rotten for him as well because he hates saying goodbye to his sis, plus he really wants to play with all the lovely exciting things in the classroom and playground, but of course he can't, he just has to get back into the car with boring old mummy.

My friend has a nanny. She leaves her 17 month old with the nanny while she takes her other children on the school run. She lives near me.

She has very kindly invited ds to be dropped off at her house to have a play with her ds and the nanny while I do the school run.

On the one hand it is a lovely offer, and I think it would be so much nicer for ds.

On the other hand, it's a bit of a huge favour on her part, isn't it? She is so lovely and said it would be great from her point of view because she knows her ds would be much happier having a mate to play with than home alone with nanny, but she is probably just being kind so I take her up on the offer.

I don't know. I have never had any family help or any help at all really. I'm not used to the idea. Though for ds's sake I could try to get over that. I think I might feel awkward owing her such a huge favour. Am I being silly?

What do you think?

OP posts:

NeedaNewName · 09/09/2009 19:19

Would you be taking her DC to the same school? If yes then you are both doind each other a favour and sounds like a good deal to me

nickschick · 09/09/2009 19:21

I think u should take her up on it things like this arent just offered on a whim.

GoneCuckoo · 09/09/2009 19:22

Maybe try it and see.

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Littledawley · 09/09/2009 19:23

Take her up on it!!! You can always offer to look after her DC from time to time. Is she doing the same school run as you?

hayes · 09/09/2009 19:24

It would be different if it was her that was looking after your child but she is leaving him with the nanny. Incidently I wonder if she has discussed this with her nanny as she is employed to look after her children, not other peoples.

Another thought, if she is doing the school run (am I right in thinking its the same school run that you do?) why don't you offer to share the run with one of you taking and the other picking up?

lynniep · 09/09/2009 19:24

well I doubt she would have said it if she wasnt sincere. and she's right - her own DS will probably be much happier with yours there. and its not like she is doing the childcare - the nanny is! I would take up her offer, its very kind and both children will benefit.

BennyAndJoon · 09/09/2009 19:25

I would say yes (to the offer not to the "am I being silly?")

And while it is lovely of her, it doesn't seem like it is putting her out at all much.

hayes · 09/09/2009 19:26

just to add my friend and I help each other out with taking to school and picking up, she works and I am at college. Sometimes I get the kids more than she does and vice versa....its nice to be able to help each other out like that. A good partnership to have if you have the offer there

OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper · 09/09/2009 19:29

It's not putting her out at all as long as the nanny doesn't mind.

That's not to say it isn't a kind offer, though.

If you're not reciprocating by giving her DD a lift, maybe you could have her DS over for a play occasionally, buy her flowers, or invite the whole family to Sunday lunch - whatever you think will show you appreciate her generosity.

NeedaNewName · 09/09/2009 19:31

And don't forget to thank the nanny as it sounds like it will be her that actually has the children not your friend!

nannynick · 09/09/2009 19:34

How does the nanny feel about it?
Is your DS already friends with your friends DS?
Have you met the nanny?

Arrange to visit with your DS so that you can see how well your DS and your friends child get along whilst at the same time seeing how the nanny provides care for your friends child.

While her DS may well be happy having a playmate... he may not like it happening on a regular basis. Is this being proposed as something to happen on every school day?

Original poster

MaMight · 09/09/2009 19:38

Unfortunately not the same school or we would certainly be sharing the school run.

OP posts:

Original poster

MaMight · 09/09/2009 19:43

I don't think I would take her up on the offer every day.

My ds knows and likes her nanny. Her nanny is lovely, and is very laid back about having extra children round to play. Our ds's are friends (well, as much as they can be at their age - they do play nicely together). Her nanny has often looked after all the children on playdates.

OP posts:

teech · 12/09/2009 03:00

I think the key words from your original post sum it up.

My friend....... has invited........

If you'd said 'my acquaintance' and 'sort of suggested' it would be a different matter.

Ask yourself this: if you offered to do a friend a favour because you knew it would help her out; it really was no skin off your nose and would suit you because your DS was happy in your DS's company; how would you feel if she had to ask a bunch of strangers on an internet site whether she should accept or not? I know I'd feel quite insulted!

If she's a friend then it's an honest offer, with no ideas for 'payback'. Accept the offer and stop overthinking things. People can, and do, offer help even though there's nothing in it for them. It's not weird, it's community.

Original poster

MaMight · 13/09/2009 11:04

Teech, I think that's a bit of a funny thing to say. We're all asking "a bunch of strangers on the internet" for their thoughts on all sorts of things. That's the point of Mumsnet isn't it? Would my friend really be insulted that I'm thinking about her kind offer and wondering whether or not to take her up on it?

OP posts:

OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper · 13/09/2009 11:53

I think Teech, albeit in a robust way, was telling you not to look a gift horse in the mouth.

(Sometimes it's painful being English, isn't it?)

Please don't take that the wrong way - I analyse as well, as I think do most English people, and sometimes we make things awkward for ourselves when there's no need.

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