Funny airplane announcements

[wotzyRegisteredTM]

Now and then, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight safety presentation and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.

Here are some of the better ones that are flying around the web read them here

No 9 made me laugh...

The best one of which i have heard but never had the courage to use is, when the pasengers clap as they tend to do on landing sometimes, shout 'What are you clapping for, It's his JOB for God's sake!!'

We had a funny one this year

"It's and early start, but we will be flying over Portsmouth where my old dear mum lives, so do wave to her as we go past because she'll be up just having breakfast. And then on we go to Majorca....(shouts from the passengers..."WHAT/WHERE"?) "I mean Corfu of course..."

V. good.

I had a fab underground driver once. At every station, he told us something about the destination. 'Knightsbridge, you have to be really loaded to shop here. And even more loaded to live here. 'Hammersmith - I don't know much about Hammersmith except there's a bloody big roundabout and a permanent traffic jam'. Have forgotten the best ones but he was hilarious and cheered up the miserable commuters no end!

edam- I've had him too! (ooer) He is amazing.

I love tube driver announcements- best two I've heard:

"We are unable to move from the platform, as some cunt's got his hand stuck in the fucking doors"

(On stopping in a tunnel) "I'd like to apologise for the delay ladies and gentlemen, but I've overrun a signal due to having personal problems at home"

Nearly everyone got off at the next stop.

And I've always found the Ryanair fanfare (not sure if they still do it) when the plane touches down a bit weird-

-I mean, what if the landing isn't successful? Do they have a 'wah wah wahhhh' comedy trumpet?

Bizarre

Blimey Tethersend, not surprised everyone got off after that announcement!

I was a tiny bit miffed at the lack of interest in Hammersmith, as I lived there and he could have talked about the Odeon (venue for gigs) or the river, or Riverside studios, or the River Cafe, or the bridge, or a host of other things, but I forgave him as he was so funny. And tbh the massive traffic jam around the Broadway is a rather striking aspect of the borough...

There was a piece about the tube drivers being encouraged to tell passengers about places - heard some of the comments on R4 - I think they left it down to drivers choice, rather than pushed them hard on that aspect.

I think it was a policy to make the tube a bit more cheerful if possible.

When flying home from holiday the captain announced "All right my cabin beauties please
attend to your duties". It cracked me up as all the cabin crew were male!!