didnt know how to deal with this little girl?

[ilovetochat]

today i took dd (2) to baby gym, it is for 0-4 year olds but as it is school hols they allow older siblings to attend but they have to give priority to the younger ones.

One lady brought her toddler about 2 who is usually there and her elder daughter who looked 5 or 6. This lady was busy following her toddler round and the girl was doing the equipment on her own.

She saw dd climbing up onto the trampoline so she jumped onto it and started bouncing, so i told dd to wait and she could have a turn next. the girl got off and dd started to climb on again and the girl jumped up again and was laughing. so i said to dd we would use something else and come back.

next dd picked up some skittles and lined them up, this girl ran up and knocked them all over, i said to dd the girl wanted to play ( i assumed she wanted a bit of attention as her mom was busy) but as dd started to line them up again the girl kicked them flying and ran off laughing.

anyway dd started to climb up the horse and this girl appeared the other side and put her face in dds face and scowled at her, she was leaning over the horse so dd couldnt carry on climbing. dd said to me "whats she doing" and i think she was a bit unnerved as muchj as a 2 year old can be, i said "shes just playing" but it seemed like this girl was trying to intimidate dd. the girl then sat next to dd on the playmat, crossed her arms and scowled at dd again so i smiled at the girl and moved dd to face me.

was this girl just after attention? should i have done anything different? i dont have much experience of older dc and felt a bit sorry for dd being frowned at all morning.

I would have taken the other girl over to her mother and said that she needed her mother's help for a piece of equipment. If the mother said that she was okay I would say that she was following my dd around and explain what she was doing. If mother chose to ignore it then I would tell off other child if she did it again. I have no problem telling off badly behaved children no matter whether I know them or not.

tbh i didnt know if she was being badly behaved, trying to be nasty to dd or trying to play or just after any attention she could get?
i felt like telling her to stop frowning at dd or go away but didnt want to be mean and didnt know if i was over reacting.

I think I would have said to her in a nice non-confrontational, matter of fact, voice "please would you stop doing that as you are scaring my daughter and its not very nice" - or something along those lines.

My 5 year old would be able to understand that and you are not being nasty or telling her off so I dont think her Mum could object.

oh ok i will say something in future, is this normal for a 6 year old? i found it very strange?

No, it is most definitely not normal for a 6 year old, don't worry.

at your 2 y.o's language skills. I think you handled it v well and very patiently. I think she was after attention.

Agree with lavenderbongo re. speaking to child.

I've had this many times (DD is 3), often a slightly older child wants attention and appears to be jeolous of a younger child receving attention. It may be that they want to be friends and share, but they can't communicate this, I've had to stop older children pulling nasty faces/shouting/pushing etc. I talk v. nicely, but loudly at the child and normally their parents hear and help (else it is just a case of walking away). Once I did speak to a Mum, but TBH she was completey useless and her son carried on knocking others over. I think you did well to keep your child playing, it's worse to drag them away as your child may be more worried if playing with 'new' children: most are lovely!

thank you, normally dd plays better with slightly older children, 3-4 year olds and likes to make friends so i didnt want her to be put off being friendly to older kids.
funny that dd is the same age as the girl's little sister, maybe she is jealous of her little sister?