My friend has upset me

[Aranea]

Am I being petty over this? I'm really upset but am not sure what to do.

A friend was supposed to be coming round for lunch a couple of weeks ago. the day before, I texted her in the morning to check what time she would be coming. I didn't hear back from her so went ahead and bought food and a birthday present for her baby who was turning one the following week.

That evening she phone me and said, 'Oh, I'm sorry, I've messed up. I did get your message this morning but I just didn't call till now, actually I'm working tomorrow till 1.00.' So I said, Ok, thinking we'd just meet up after that. Then she said, '... and my MIL is coming in the afternoon...' and it turned out she wanted to cancel altogether.

I was upset and a bit annoyed but thought maybe she is just stressed out at returning to work and it's made her confused and disorganised.

She said she was going on holiday the following week so asked if we could put a date in for this week. We arranged that she would come round at 11.30 this morning to have lunch and then we would collect my dd1 from nursery and spend the afternoon together.

I texted her last night to check it was all still on. This morning at 9.30 she called me to say she was actually going to be settling her baby with the childminder and could we rearrange.

She is veggie and I am not a good cook, so I had made sure I was organised and made a veggie lasagne last night for her. Also my dd1 had been looking forward to seeing her and I had not made any arrangements for her to see her friends or anything, obviously, so now she has nothing to do this afternoon.

I said we could do tomorrow but when she asked what time, I found I couldn't carry on as I was too cross, so I said 'can I call you later, I'm just.... um.... speak to you later!'

I am feeling a bit fragile for a couple of unrelated reasons so maybe I am overreacting but I feel really upset and disappointed. And quite angry at being messed around like this. It makes me feel that my life and my plans are regarded as entirely inconsequential and it doesn't matter if I make preparations or refuse other plans as long.

At the moment I feel like pretending I'm busy for the next 3 weeks or so. But is that silly? What would you do?

oh,started that post ages ago..and now have read the post about her always being like that...i feel that by not talking to her you are being a bit of a people pleaser..i say this with empathy,because until i had children,i lacked confidence,and was the same.

now i have no time,am sleep deprived and a lot narkier...therefore i take no shit!!
i would make it clear though,that she is loved,but her behaviour is making you feel that she does not recipricate.

Hmm, I don't think of myself as a people pleaser particularly. But I don't think I'm very good at saying what I think when I'm upset or cross. And I suppose I don't really believe that she will change her behaviour in general if I say it bothers me, I think I just need to either accept with a good grace or not see her.

But being cancelled on twice at such short notice feels a bit above and beyond what I'm used to and prepared to swallow with a good grace. OTOH I know that she has just gone back to work and is involved in settling her ds with a CM and I don't know how stressed she is feeling about it all.