Wedding seating plan...

[wonderingwondering]

My sister-in-law (DH's sister) is getting married shortly. My DS , age 5, is pageboy, DD, age 18 months, bridesmaid.

She has been discussing the seating for the meal. Her plan is that her brother (my DH) ought to be on the top table. When she first mentioned it, I thought that might make the meal difficult for me, as I'll have the two children on my own, and they'll also want to be with their dad. The latest plan is DH and DS sit on the top table, I sit with DD nearby.

Part of me thinks - life's too short, her wedding, let her do whatever. The other part of me thinks - actually, we (me, DH, DS and DD) are a family unit, and I wouldn't mind actually sitting with my husband and kids! And it is easier to sit the two children together - loo trips, sharing toys, etc are easier. And the very unworthy side of me thinks that this part of a slightly wider issue that DH's sister has never really let go of the idea that the family unit is still her, her brother (my DH) and their parents. DH and I have been married ten years and live a pretty autonomous life! But my sis-in-law is pretty young for her age (mid-30's).

So - if she raises is again, should I ask if we can sit together? There's no reason for DH to be on the top table other than he is brother of the bride. Or should I just keep quiet and go along with what I think is a bit of a barmy idea?

I have a good relationship with my sis-in-law, but I know I should tread carefully around her (long-awaited) wedding. WWYD? Have avoided AIBU as I want some constructive advice!

Its one day, just go with the flow.. life is TOO short...

I'd stay out of it, I think, and let her get on with it

Let him sit on the top table.

I know, as I typed it and re-read it, I was thinking this isn't worth getting involved with, and to say anything would be a bit churlish.

But I do think it is a bit odd! Is it? Or am I (whisper) being unreasonable....?

It doesn't matter. It is one meal, whatever happens, you'll all get by and won't care by the end of the first course.

It is only the meal, isn't it?

Not worth getting upset about! He only really needs to be there for the speeches and so can come and join you if you need help with the kids.

You just have to hope she doesn't seat you on a table full of other people and their kids!

I was in a similar situation and was reluctantly adrift with two DC at a family wedding, whilst DP was on the top table. Luckily the baby fell asleep for the meal, and DD had an activity pack to keep her occupied.

I think you are maybe over analysing this. Yes it's a faff to be separated, but to be honest I would just suck it up for the sake of future family harmony. At least your kids are invited - could be worse!

No, DH isn't best man, and his parents are both going to be there.

The plan is to have the four of them (my PILs, DH and bride) on the top table, with the groom's (single) brother who is accompanying groom's mum, a widow. Then the bridesmaid and best man.

It is just a few hours, though. Not worth risking upset, you are all quite right.

We were in similar situation recently -- DH on top table, me and DS (4.3) and DD (13 months) sitting with the plebs. It was mostly fine, and DH spent a fair bit of time with one or other of the DCs sitting on his lap even though they were "formally" sitting with me. So I'd try not to worry too much and just let her get on with organising things her way.

Thanks - Port& Lemon and Stinkymonkey, I'd never heard of that arrangement before but obviously it is not such a one-off. And Stinkymonkey, I'm glad you said you were 'reluctantly' set adrift, because part of me wondered if I was being a bit precious by feeling a bit perturbed by the idea.

Well, technically you aren't suppose to sit with your spouse at a formal dinner anyway.

But I agree in this case it would be easier. But I would just let it go this one time.

I was reluctant because I had a new baby and was nervous about managing two of them, plus I was stuck having to make polite conversation with a bunch of old rellies. But it was fine - not the most fun meal I've ever had, but it's an hour out of your life, it's bearable.

If your DC want to be with their dad, let them wander off. They will probably look mega cute anyway. In fact if it was me I would push them in the direction of their dad so I could get on with my meal in peace. But then I am mean.