if kids kept coming round to your house uninvited because they have been kicked out of theirs and they started asking for drinks etc?

[Dumbledoresgirl]

Some child turned up at my house today. I don't know her name, age, or anything about her. She arrived with 2 other children who have been turning up at my house uninvited, one of whom is in ds3's class and the other is his older brother.

All I know is this: the 2 boys are only 8 and 6 respectively and must live on the other side of a busy road to us and are kicked out of the house by their mother and left to fend for themselves. I have let them play in our garden as the youngest is a friend of ds3's, but today a girl I do not know turned up and seemed to play independently of them and then asked me for a drink. I told her to go home if she wanted a drink. Ds2 (11) said I was being mean but this child is uninvited and not a friend of any of my children and was not even playing with them. I am extremely worried that all these children are turfed out onto the street each day and also worried that they are going to make coming to our garden a habit. I don't want to encourage them so I decided not to give her a drink and sent her home instead.

What would you have done?

Seeing as you had already let her in to play then I would have given her a drink on this occasion.

Next time I think ypou'd perhaps have to say that only the boys are allowed in to play. Sounds really mean but I can't think how else to get round it.

You could have offered her a drink of water at least if she was already in your garden.

If you find out who their parents are I would have a word. Not sure how you would get on though. I told a distant neighbour her sons had asked me for a lift and she wasn't bothered.

the same as you - I'm mean too .

Round our way there is a kid that has been left to fend for himself since he was 2 ! Yes, 2 - told to play in the car park (in our culdesac) and parents not even aware if he had left the house in the mornings etc. Truly shocking! All the rest of us in the road looked out for him, moved him out of the way when parking etc and on several occasions even took him home to parents who basically looked at me like I was odd for bringing him home when he had been in danger or hurt (when he fell over one time). Sigh. He's such a lovely little boy too.

Now he's 5, he plays with DS1 and I do give him a drink or lunch, as his dad does the same now they are friends. However, there is another older boy he plays with that I don't know and DS1 doesn't know so when he came around and asked for a drink (after seeing my DS with one) I said no... The boy looked very surprised and asked why, I said 'because I don't know you and am not supplying the whole street with drinks' and shut the door!!

He hasn't been round since....!

Good idea. But they have all clearly been shoved out onto the street and I imagine it would be better for them to stay together than to turn one away.

I have just told them all to go home so we can have tea and as they went, ds3's friend said they would be back tomorrow! I don't really mind about them coming round uninvited (I have older children too and they do this sort of thing all the time). It is more the context. Their mother is in danger of neglecting them, sending them out of the house every day when they are still so young.

Also, when do they eat? I assumed they ate early as they normally come round about 5 but today they were here earlier and when I told them they had to go home I heard the youngest brother tell the older one that they would go to another child's house next. They are just roaming the streets fgs!

I would have given the child a drink, would not enter my head to say no. I am soft.

I know who the mother is btw. I once had to approach her as she was the only parent who had not responded to a party invitation. She snapped at me when I tentatively asked if she had received the invitation that his dad must have had it. No word of apology for not replying, not even any indication that her son could come until I went on to ask outright. I don't want to have to speak to her again. Her boys are lovely though - funny how such a rude parent can produce such polite children.

They're polite because they know they're there on sufferance. You could kick them out at any time.

You being hospitable to them isn't encouraging anything bad, it won't make a difference if their parents really are just turfing them out to fend for themselves everyday.

Um, if you I didn't mind assorted children turning up sometimes, then I would let them hang around sometimes. On days when I didn't feel like it, then I'd tell them no.

I guess the extra girl is weird, but I would be hospitable to her sometimes, too. I would also try to find out where she lived, if she too has been turfed out, etc.

Urk, XX the "if you I" and make it "if I".
I do proofread, honest.

I feel quite cross about it now as half an hour after I told them to go, they came back. Fortunately ds2 turned them away at the door as we had not even started eating at that point (there can sometimes be a long gap between me starting dinner and finishing it!)

I don't mind them calling occasionally but it is beginning to look like a regular habit and I won't tolerate that. The not giving of drinks was trying to make them understand that, though of course I realise they are too young to pick up on that hint.

You are quite right. Never feed the feral kids. It is a golden rule here.

If you want to get rid make up some activity that can't include them - a meal, a trip out, a bath etc.

just be very clear DG
say "i don't mind you coming round twice a week (for example) but the rest of the time we have got other stuff to do"
when you tell them time to go home say "dont knock again today but you can come again tomorrow / on friday / whatever"

i know it can be annoying but it's good there's always children around for yours to play with

Actually simply saying 'see you tomorrow/next week' works quite well.

LOL OrmIrian, I like it!

The thing is, ds3 is young enough to feel flattered that they are coming to play with him whereas I am a bit cynical and think they are only here because everyone else has turned them away. This is not a good friend of his you understand, just a classmate. I suppose that doesn't matter...