I'm concerned approaching the school bully's mum re an incident involving DD may make life harder for the bully.

[snigger]

Let's call her Mean Girl.

Just so you understand, DD (8) is perfectly able to deal with Mean Girl's ministrations, but the incident concerned was a bit foul, and amongst DDs pet hates.

Mean Girl licked her hands and wiped them on DDs face and jacket. DD handled it well and told her off, and said if she did it to anyone else she'd get a teacher.

However, DD came home and asked me to speak to Mean Girl's mum so she'd never do this again, in her words, "It made me feel sick".

I'm happy to do this, Mean Girl's doesn't in any way intimidate me, but....

Mean Girl is obviously a bully for a reason.

Her mum, while not physically abusive, does IMO ignore her, run her down, belittle her, and generally favour her son by her new partner, never attends sports days, exhibitions, etc, and in my heart of hearts I kind of feel for the wee girl - she's not pleasant, but you just feel like she needs some love.

Me wading in with her mum is going to certainly bring down ire upon Mean Girl's head, but not doing so is going to mean disregarding a specific request from DD for my intervention.

WWYD?

Mean Girl's mum doesn't in any way intimidate me.

Obviously, Mean Girls the film does

if it was at school have a word with the class teacher as first port of call.

I have a rule of never, ever approaching another parent, and always approach the school if I need something sorting. They have the experience to handle things sensitively and I have learned to my peril that even with someone you are very good friends with, approaching them directly can go horribly pear shaped.

If the bullying takes place at school, tell the school, not the mum. Far better for the school to sort out the behaviour and in any case it sounds like telling the mum would not be productive...

I agree with BCNS, tell dd that incidents in school should be discussed with the teacher first so you are going to do that rather than talk to MG Mum

You should raise this behaviour with the school and not the parent, that's how it usually works.

Just to give you an overview - the only reason I consider the option of going straight to Mean Girls Mum is because the school has under 40 pupils and we live in a community where everyone knows everyone - going to teacher tends to be reserved for Very Serious Issues, and would certainly make waves.

You need to "make Waves" about bullying though, surely?

But this is your child? If they are being hurt in anyway you should be making huge waves, surely?

I wouldn't speak to the mother. Speak to the school and keep it factual to the bullying and don't comment on your opinion of the mother's mothering skills.

This is my dilemma. Going to the teacher, the Head actually, would (a) have Mean Girls mum on the phone asking why I didn't just tell her and (b) invoke misery for Mean Girl.

I agree, bullying has to be handled, but sensitively. I know my DD, and I know she's more grossed out by Mean Girls behaviour than threatened by it - it's a close knit rural school and the kids do tend to self-police.

what goes on in schol stays in school.. if mean girl's mum give you a phone call.. just tell her it was an issue in school , which ought to stay as a school matter.. and therefore should not reflect on anything out of school.. particularly as neither of you as parents were there.. the teachers are in charge.. so they need to deal with it..

did any of that make sense?
by going to class teacher or in your case the head.. all your doing is highlighting that your dd is "grossed" out by this behaviour and cpould she keep an eye on the situation... ie bringing it to her attention.

Ok, I see your point about the village school (having gone to one, we would have been expected to sort it out amoungst ourselves too).

Could you go to the teacher and explain that it was mostly something and nothing and you don't want MG mum to get wind of it unless it carries on but that you promised dd you would do something? Would the teacher be onside with a softly softly approach?