oh, God, I feel embarrassed.
Umm
Ok.
Look, I'm ok.< pulls a stupid grinning face >
Chatting on here about my marriage problems is not on really, it's not fair to dh or G...
but thank you for being concerned and lovely and....stuff.
Quattro, you must think me very odd.
I'm aware that any time we cross paths I always, very abruptly, disappear.
I think I'm nervous of actually having a proper chat with you.
You appear so grown-up and are fiercly intelligent, two things I'm not, and my mind goes into spasm trying to think of something even vaguely interesting to post.
Things personally are not great here, but, we'll limp along as we always do and largely I can block out the bad things and concentrate on the positives.
I'm not easy to live with [as you may have guessed , prone to very bad periods of complete and utter bleakness, madness, unreasonablness and lots of other things that end in, ness. Can be, find it easier, to be kinder to strangers or people on the periphery of my life than those close to me.
I shove people that I love the most away, drive them to find intimacy elsewhere.
The best way I can deal with shit is to ignore it.
If I don't, and actually try to sort through it, I'm going to be forced to take a good long hard look at myself.
I'm not sure any of that makes sense.
Anyway....
The weather is just dreadful here, high winds and buckets of rain.
Today I have some painting to do, need to sort out some stuff for my students tomorrow[lucky people], attempt to cook something edible for lunch, and try to keep the bones of this strange little family together.