Is it normal to worry when you don't hear from a loved one?

[Gelstick]

BF is generally very reliable, so yesterday evening when he didn't call after work like he said he would, didn't arrive at 8:30pm as I expected, and I couldn't contact him by phone, by 9:30pm when I did hear from him I'd managed to work myself into quite a state.

He'd had a series of perfectly believable events that gave him every reason to be late getting in touch, and as I said this was very much a one off, but I was a wreck.

Normal?....I suspect not.

I'd be a bit worried if he was an hour late and hadn't been in touch.

I probably wouldn't be a wreck but I might be if it was one of the kids!

These days when everyone has phones and can drop a message on ten seconds it's much weirder for people to be late and not let you know so you worry more (I think)

No, it's not normal to be a 'wreck' under those circumstances.

Surely you know this?

I would be pretty anxious if a loved one didn't turn up within an hour of when they said and didn't get in touch (assuming there wasn't a very obvious potential explanation for the lateness).

I would be very worried, but I have been in that situation with the worst possible outcome previously.

I speak to my mum every night after work. She is 78. If I don’t get a hold of her on mobile or house phone and I don’t know she is out then I do worry. Not the first time I’ve driven to her house to make sure she is ok.

I know her routine pretty well so know where she usually is in the evening.

nearly everyone has a phone so there really is no excuse to go off the radar as it’s easy to text or phone someone .

Three hours since I'd expected to hear from him?

I suppose his phone went out of charge amongst a cascade of other thing, well that's what I think, but there's no getting around it, if there's no message and no way of contacting, then yes I'd be a bit concerned, and a dead phone would be the last thing I'd think of before all other awful scenarios!

Nope. I'd assume he'd got caught up in something. What I wouldn't be is 'a wreck' nor particularly anxious.

Shit happens. People run late. They stop off for a Chinese takeaway that they have to wait for. They get chatting to someone they've met. Work takes longer than they thought it would be cause there is a minor issue.

I think you need to work on your resilience to be honest. Because if the worst does happen then you'll be a complete mess.

3 hours? Train broke down and he had no signal. But you said you were a wreck after an hour.

We're not psychic, you didn't mention it was 3 hours.

But still, 'a wreck' is a bit OTT.

He's not a missing child.

No I didn't, I said I'd expected to hear from him when he finished work. I managed OK until I expected to see him, by being slightly annoyed that he'd uncharacteristically forgotten, but then when I couldn't get in touch for an hour after that I was starting to panic.

I did. I said I expected to hear from him when he finished work.

I'd be worried. Also angry that he didn't text

Not normal no.

And we know exactly what time he finishes work, how exactly? 🤦‍♀️

Honestly op? I’d be mildly miffed. Not even miffed enough to say I was annoyed. I wouldn’t be “in a state” no.

I think for an adult male who was normally completely reliable going awol between 6:30 and 9:30 I'd be starting to feel mildly concerned (not a wreck, but also not completely comfortable).

Maybe it's because he's usually so reliable then, it being so out of character meant there was no other explaination than something had gone terribly wrong (it had but not to him). I'd like to think someone was concerned for me if I was 'missing' for three hours.

Not for for 1 hour late.
If he hadn't arrived home by 2am, then maybe.

You wouldn’t but you would know from OP that we were talking about more than an hour.

You said you expected him at 8.30. Then said when he got in contact at 9.30.

True. I thought it was sad when someone said our kids will never know the freedom of being able to walk out and not be instantly contactable.
OP, I tend to worry if one of the relatives with health needs doesn't message me on a day I wasn't able to go to them-I end up turning up at midnight in case they've fallen down! Then they say I'm overreacting, true, but just message because you said you would!

Normal to worry. Less normal to get worked up into a state when someone's off the radar for a short period.

I said I expected to hear from him when he finished work and that later, at 8:30 I was due to see him. But really that's not the point.