Do you (consciously or unconsciously) encourage your child to disrespect their teachers?

[noocleer]

Mostly C's = yes 🙂

1. Your child's school's uniform policy says they need to keep their blazers on during the school day. Do you:
a) Explain to your child that the blazers are part of the uniform, and would frequently get mislaid and mixed up if students were taking them on and off all day?
b) Check the policy to make sure there are exceptions for hot weather and, if it's not clear, write to the school politely to find out?
c) Tell your child that the policy is INSANE, and the school is being ridiculous?

2. Your child's teacher gives them a detention for repeatedly talking during lessons. Do you:
a) Explain that talking during lessons disrupts everyone else's learning, and encourage your child to make better choices next time?
b) Ask your child what happened, then contact the teacher politely if you think there's been a misunderstanding?
c) Tell your child that the teacher clearly has a personal vendetta against them, and that you won't stand for them being picked on?

3. The school asks students to hand in their mobile phones at the start of the school day. Your child says this is completely unreasonable. Do you:
a) Explain that schools need rules about phones to minimise distractions and help everyone concentrate?
b) Check the school's mobile phone policy and discuss any genuine concerns through the proper channels?
c) Agree that the school has no right to tell your child what to do with their own phone, and tell them to refuse?

4. Your child's teacher emails to say that your child has failed to complete several homework assignments. Do you:
a) Sit down with your child to work out why the homework hasn't been completed and help them develop a plan to catch up?
b) Ask the teacher for more details and explore whether your child needs additional support?
c) Reply demanding to know why the teacher is picking on your child instead of doing their ACTUAL job?

5. Your child comes home complaining that their teacher told them off for being rude in class. Do you:
a) Ask your child what they said and did, and explain that they can disagree with a teacher without being disrespectful?
b) Contact the teacher to hear their side of the story before deciding whether anything needs to be addressed?
c) Tell your child that some teachers just can't handle being challenged, and that they should tell them to f*-off?

6. The school introduces a seating plan, and your child is unhappy because they've been moved away from their friends. Do you:
a) Explain that teachers sometimes change seating arrangements to improve concentration and classroom behaviour?
b) Encourage your child to ask the teacher politely why the change was made, and discuss any concerns constructively?
c) Tell your child that the teacher is obviously on a power trip, and encourage them to start a petition to persuade the teacher to let them sit where they want?

7. Your child's teacher says they need to improve their attitude in class, and your child insists the teacher just doesn't like them. Do you:
a) Explain that it's important to reflect on feedback, even when it feels unfair, and ask your child what they could do differently?
b) Arrange a calm conversation with the teacher to understand their concerns and agree on how best to support your child?
c) Tell your child that teachers often target the kids who think for themselves, and that they shouldn't let some underpaid bully undermine their self esteem?

All those things are completely legitimate and my child would be told that they need to deal with these decisions or consequences.

That said, I don’t teach my kids that people in positions of authority are always right and should never be questioned. If a situation arose that I thought was unreasonable I’d discuss that in a different way.

I would always expect my kids to be polite & respectful to teachers (and they are), but that doesn’t mean I’ll blindly pretend that every school policy is right.

e.g. once the weather gets too hot (exact temperature not specified, and school doesn’t seem to have heard of the weather forecast so announcements are always last minute), no blazers are required. BUT, you’re not allowed to wear a jumper instead on those days where it is a bit fresh first thing then gets hot. Even though jumpers are far easier to put in your school bag once you don’t need it.

Pupils aren’t allowed to wear shorts in summer, which generally means each year one or more boys gets in the paper for wearing a skirt to school. School pretends the uniform is unisex, and refers to “pupils who wear the skirt uniform” and “pupils who wear the trouser uniform”. Just let them wear shorts!

At one point last year it was so hot that they said kids could wear PE kit, then sent girls home for wearing Nike Pro shorts, even though that was what they wore for PE.

If schools want parents to support them, they could start by having common sense rules rather than half thought through nonsense.

I’m in no way a mostly C’s parent but I think schools attitudes to uniform is 1950’s / parochial. And it’s no good saying “ choose a different school then “ because I don’t have a school in our catchment area with a non uniform / relaxed attitude I could use. The current uniform is a wintery kilt and “ sweaters must be worn with blazers and can only be removed with permission “ vibes. Great fun in the heat wave this summer. So
I’m broadly supportive of the school while simultaneously thinking that they really do sweat the small stuff.

My kids aren’t old enough for school yet so I would hope to be primarily in the “A” camp. That said, pretty much all of us attended school at some point, and many of us will remember a certain teacher (or a few!) who were just arseholes. They were bullies, they did target certain children, and they did enjoy throwing their weight around.

I have a friend, honestly I do it’s not me 😂 - let’s call her Stella.

Stella is definitely the Cs. She giggles and sounds so proud when she tells me the ways her kids are smart mouthed with their teachers, she is constantly disputing the teachers version of events if her kids come home and complain about a detention or something and she is forever saying - “well that’s not what my kids said” (as if her kids don’t lie!) and downplayed when her now teenage kid was in primary and slapped a TA.

Now some teachers are bias and some are unfair and I’m not saying never believe your child, but with Stella it’s constant challenging the schools for every little thing. And sometimes her child’s version of events makes no sense so it’s very obviously them who are lying and not the teachers.

I err of mostly A’s. I usually have the teacher’s back in most situations and if I think they may have acted out of turn I often rationalise it (they’re just trying to keep you safe, imagine what it’s like to always have kids arguing with you, they need to be strict to protect all the other kids etc etc).

B with a bit of A here. This reflects my child being a genuinely good kid all round, and the school being small and able to genuinely respond personally and effectively to all concerns. I’d probably be a bit more C if that wasn’t the case!

All the C parents. Why choose an institute with rules and policies? Just home educate? As a TA I’ve got far more pressing issues than Tarquins right to be an annoying little twat. Every time a kid says to me “my mum says…” I tell them I don’t really care and they can tell their mum that. Not heard anything back yet!

Mostly As and Bs, although if my kids are venting, I'll let them and sympathise with more C type responses. But they're good students who get along well with nearly all their teachers, chat with them easily, help out, and quite frankly, empathise that they have to deal with so many badly behaved students.
So even if they're venting about how Miss Smith did x annoying thing today and it drives them crazy, I know it doesn't come through at school.

Mainly none of the above. We tend to favour secret option D - sorry kids, them's the rules, commiserations but you need to crack on with it.

I can listen to their side and encourage them to move past it without lecturing them on why it's so completely unreasonable for them to want to remove their blazer, or going bleating to the teachers every 5 mins.

My focus from all these questions is kids disrupting other’s education
it is so selfish and entitled, but loads of parents wanting their offspring to ‘express themselves’

Yes, we did a lot of this. I seem to remember using the phrase 'sometimes you just have to play the game, even if the rules don't make sense' to DS.

That's a good way of putting it.

To add I think we're actually huge on respecting teachers, and my children have never got in trouble for doing anything disrespectful. I don't have to lie to my child and present myself as someone who believes passionately in them being denied blazer or toilet rights to teach this respect.

I am a teacher. So is DH. Honestly, some of the parents are often worse than the kids. Gone are the days when if you got in trouble at school worse was waiting when you got home.