Question for country dwellers

[BarrShandy]

For those who live in the countryside, do you find there is much community spirit? What brings you together with your near (or nearest) neighbours?

I don’t watch Emmerdale but it’s about a farming community? So yes, they do exist but probably without as much drama ( am assuming they add the drama or it wouldn’t be worth watching!)

Pretty good, despite being a tiny (population ~250), dispersed (over 13.5 square miles), farming community.

We have a monthly pop-up pub in the parish hall, regular events such as quiz nights, whist drives, harvest supper, an arts weekend, monthly coffee mornings, film nights, weekly table tennis and Zumba classes, etc.

But, unfortunately, I can see it slowly declining as the stalwarts of the community pass away - the driving forces of community life tend to be in the 65-85 age range, and the younger generation (of which I am a part) tend to be a bit less engaged.

There are also wider communities that provide social engagement - from the local livestock market (where the farmers gather), the pub in the next village, the hunt (which has a good social scene and also engages the local farmers), the butty van (another farmer social engagement tool) etc.

All this despite, or maybe because, the village is mainly outlying farms and there’s no village centre as such, just some small hamlets. Our nearest neighbours are 150m, 250m and 500m away - so unless there’s a reason to meet you could easily go days or even weeks without seeing anyone outside the home.

Village hall that always has something going on. Plenty to do if you are a joiner in but very cliquey. Very affluent village and a definite split between have and have nots. Village shop is a hot bed of gossip. I would hate to live in the town though. I can walk in fields and breath (relatively) fresh air and nobody bothers me. Have great neighbours who keep themselves to themselves and are there if I need them, which is reciprocated. Can get a GP appointment same day if needed. Wouldn't swap it for town living, especially this town in the Midlands which really is the pits.

We met a couple while on holiday, and the woman was gushing about their village life. They’d moved there upon early retirement and the place was full of retired teachers and doctors; the woman seemed almost starstruck. She’d thrown herself into local life and to be honest came over as a bit of a dogsbody, taking on all the shit nobody else wanted to do. Various duties included responsibility for a decades old dispute involving the village hall. I have no idea what anybody expected her to do about that, she had no legal expertise.

Her husband was quite quiet, I got the feeling he’d have been happy to stay in the anonymous city suburb where they’d spent their whole lives.

I split my time between in a village and completely rural with no close neighbours and the village centre a mile and a half away. Both places have a healthy community spirit. I am involved in both.

I can see some benefits from living in a town but it isn’t for me.

Absolutely.
I’ve joined in since becoming a parent 30 years ago. Life changed at that time and becoming part of the community became important to us as a family.
We’ve been part of a gardening club, eventually running the annual show, on the village hall committee, helped out at pre-school and doing a stint as chair, on the PTA, then shoot dinners, supported DS in youth football, started helping at bowls club, becoming social secretary and chief cook, and nearing retirement, became a parish councillor, now chair of planning, a volunteer steward at the village heritage centre, and a member of various committees.
But it’s all taken effort and it does cost a little. You don’t get much back other than the good company of others, but I truly believe those moaning if loneliness and lack of contact just need to get of their BS and join in.

I'm remote rural. There is a Facebook page for locals. However, I use it gingerly. Some comments can be negative and bring you down. There is a community spirit more often than not though, with people helping each other out, with lifts to the shop etc.

Community spirit is restricted to the wealthy retirees, who've priced most locals out of the area and now that they're here are doing everything they can to stop others joining them, while moaning "wouldn't it be wonderful to have a station and how difficult it is to get their SUV's into the parking spaces at Tesco".

I truly believe those moaning if loneliness and lack of contact just need to get of their BS and join in.

I agree. SIL complains about being lonely all the time, but she makes no effort with other people at all. She keeps trying to guilt trip DH to visit her more often (she lives 150 miles away), but it doesn't work. We visit when he wants to, not when she drops hints.

She can be quite prickly and is often rude to shop assistants, waiting staff etc. Last time we all went out for lunch I had to apologise to the staff for her rudeness.

That's not so much about the people in that hamlet then, it is about the lack of community facilities.

When you have a village hall, a church, a couple of shops and pubs, a parish council, people who organise regular events, a nursery or primary school etc, then it would be vastly different to living in a tiny hamlet.

Just checking in. Some really interesting answers, quite a range.

another thing that brings people together in my rural community is dogs - every house along our lane has at least one dog, and it’s a reason to stop and have a quick friendly chat. We’d all dogsit for neighbours in an emergency. I know the village dogs by name, compared to roughly 75% of their owners’ names; after several years it’s kind of gone beyond the point where I can ask so they’re Father Ted/Mrs Lulu, etc in my head.

luckily DH is in the pub on a regular basis so I use him as a researcher, if necessary.

I think different people can live in the same place and have very different perceptions of it, and a lot of that probably depends on your particular circumstances. We are incomers, but our children were largely brought up here and attended the village school. That kind of automatically made connections for us and meant we got to know people and found out about what goes on. Our neighbours moved here to retire and have found it much harder to get to know people. There's plenty of things to join in if you want to, but you've got to take the initiative and if that's not your thing I can see you might feel a bit isolated. The houses on our road are all quite spaced apart so there's no talking over the garden fence kind of thing, and you are not likely to bump into people by accident very often, you have to make a deliberate effort to see them. Mind you, I think that's probably the case in many places. Before we moved here we lived on a new build estate in a big city and were surrounded by thousands of people but knew very few of them. It wasn't until I had my first baby and joined a mum and baby group that I really got to know my next door neighbour.Before I was on mat leave my interaction with other people on the estate was pretty much limited to "good morning" if we were leaving for work at the same time. I discovered a whole new world once I wasn't out at work all day! My DS lives in a flat right in the middle of a major city and he couldn't tell you much about any of the other people who live in the block but I'm sure if a neighbour knocked on the door with some kind of emergency he'd help if he could. I don't think people are that different in the countryside vs cities really. I think you'll find community in most places if you look for it, but not everyone wants to which is also ok.

For us, the most frequent thing that brings us together is when livestock escapes! As many of us as we can get band together to sort that out.

Other than that, we all chat when we see each other, the WhatsApp group gets very creative when it comes to power-cuts and problems in winter, cutting wood from local fallen trees and sharing that between the ones that have fires, and an annual barbecue which involved everyone bringing something. The children on the lane were old enough for their first Trick or Treat last year, so we all got things in for them. There isn't much going on, as it's just a few houses on a farm estate that is surrounded by other farms.

It's just kindness. We donate or help out with the tiny primary school nearby, give livestock medication to neighbouring farmers if they need it on a Bank Holiday, we're blocking escape routes when cattle are being moved to higher pastures on the road, helping out where we can, fussing over dogs, chatting at the mart, sheep shearing, sometimes cooking and eating together. Oh, and the agreement that the best part of a trip to the nearest small city is on the return journey when the world turns green and full of sheep again! Perhaps it's different for us in that we're all "outsiders" (we didn't grow up here) and half of us are farm workers on the estate, but it works.

I grew up in the non-farming world, but find the farming community much more comfortable for me!

Yes, we live very rurally with no neighbours we can actually see from our house. We have very strong community ties (we’ve only lived here 5 years). People actually look out for each other and depend on each other for help. I’ve lost count of the times we’ve had someone knock on the door and ask if we could pull them out of the mud with our tractor or the times people have lent us a piece of equipment in an emergency. We do get together socially as well, but mostly we just all look out for each other. We live in a rural part of Devon.

💯 on this. There's a code for drivers when passing dog walkers on rural roads. It's very civilised and mutual respect between the two parties.

We live semi rurally. Small development outside a big village.
I found the village too busy so we moved. We have a fabulous corner shop. Within a mile we have more shops, pubs, hairdressers etc.
We're downsizing to the next village and it is well served. I've lived in villages all my life bar a couple of large towns. I work in London so I need the peace and quiet.
My current neighbours are polite but we're twice their age. It pays to know a bit more about the demographic when you buy a house. I've not been unhappy here but I don't get involved with anything. My next home isn't Codgers Corner but the neighbours are older.

half of our hamlet are in their 80s/90s so the other half keep a close eye no problem - will be our turn to be looked after soon!

There is a very strong community here. Most people muck in and there are lots of volunteers and fundraising etc. They love a raffle.
When my mum visits she says it reminds her of how things used to be in the 50s and 60s.

Yes, but I live in a poor area of the country which doesn't appeal to commuter families or incomers because there is no nearby industry or cities, so most folks grew up around here or went to school round here. Most people knew your granny and grandad.

There's plenty of community spirit - folks will take in parcels, check on older folks etc. The community events tend to be whist drives, harvest festivals, bingo nights or quizzes. Nothing much has changed since the 1970s when I was a child.

Definitely. My dog has a fantastic social life, regularly meets up with her 'friends' and has an ongoing drama with her arch nemesis...a rather prickly collie.

Funny how dogs can have a nemesis!

@MrsAvocet we are also incomers, but DD was born here and went to the village school, so it was easy to integrate through DD.

Yes I think that makes a big difference. My younger DC were born here and the eldest was a preschooler when we moved. Children's activities and school were an automatic community really. Even before then, I think people are more likely to talk to you if you are out with a baby in a pram than just walking alone.
It's something I am a bit worried about actually as we plan to move nearer to our DD in a few years and I wonder how much more difficult integrating in a new place might be without children and without work colleagues. I will be taking grandchildren to activities though, and we have hobbies we will hopefully meet people through.

I wonder how much more difficult integrating in a new place might be without children and without work colleagues

I found becoming a regular at the local pub helped enormously. We are also church goers which helps again.