Struggling after seeing someone who hurt me now working as a counsellor

[ByDreamyMember]

A few years ago I had a dishonest and bullying boss. In summary, they exploited me when I was in an incredibly vulnerable position and couldn't leave. (I did leave thankfully)

Now, despite having them blocked for years, their new-ish local business has turned up in my social media feed.
They are calling themselves a counsellor, look to be doing really well & are enjoying success. Lots of selfies and satisfied customer reviews, lots of traffic.

I'm floored about the counselling aspect. Now nobody would ever believe me if I told them about how badly this person behaved.

I've been trying very hard to live well, as an 'eff-you' to that awful time. The truth is I've actually been struggling lately.
Seeing this feels like a final straw.

Have you experienced anything like this? How did you cope?
I've got a phonecall with my GP soon.
But feel very lonely with this sort of experience.

I would love to hear from others if you've ever been in a similar position?

Yes, if she could get her head out of her arse and speak to me like a normal person and not Lady Muck, then maybe I'd get to understand her side.

But I don't believe in counsellors 'needing to be saintly characters'.

This person was far more manipulative and less empathetic than the average person. They talked often about wanting to work in a morgue because dead bodies don't talk to you.

It's the wrongness and hypocrisy of it all-
Like if someone talked openly about hating animals & was witnessed treating animals badly went on to become a vet.
You'd be mad not to wonder at their motivation.

None of that would necessarily rule them out from being an effective counsellor now, though. If they did a properly accredited degree course of the type that my sister and a couple of my friends, and the overwhelming majority of counsellors operating locally to where I currently live, they will have had lots of compulsory therapy themselves, and been held back from progressing to the next year of the degree if they were not felt to have done sufficient work on themselves. Plus of course they will still have 'supervisions'.

When my sister qualified, only two of her original cohort of 30 made it straight through the degree 'on time'. The others were recommended to take time out to resolve their own issues before progressing. It was a ferociously competitive course, and significant numbers were not allowed to progress after each year.

I wouldn't imagine my sister is what most people would view as a 'nice person'. I certainly experienced her as a bully growing up. But I understand that she's an unusually effective counsellor in her specialist field (which has required subsequent postgrad qualifications and a lot of experience.)

what did she do? Did you report her?

My old boss is in a position of trust with vulnerable people and behaved appallingly to me. I actually think she was jealous and competing with me (which was utterly ridiculous as I actually want to learn from her!). So I don’t think she would behave as terribly to the people she cares for. But I do feel sad that she is so messed up and think someone in the organisation should have sent her for therapy. I did raise my concerns internally but they weren’t heeded. She is quite a known public speaker in the circles we move in and I have had to take very active steps to avoid bumping into her. She is just very troubled but a good sales person.

My neighbour is a psychotherapist and from what I know about her it’s the most hilarious thing. I’ve known her for years and like her a lot but she is chaotic, a dreadful mother and clearly unhinged. Everyone who knows her cannot believe people pay her for any kind of help.
Someone I worked with who was fired for incompetence is now a life coach. One of the mums I knew from school when my kids were little had an affair with another parent, broke up both their marriages and then went on to have a relationship with one of her kids teachers. She’s now a relationship therapist.
Oh and she has just gone through her second divorce.

I've heard this before about other workplaces! It's insane.
What is it about MH first aiders?!?

Local psycho(therapist) who bullied many people is now running her own company and I nearly choked recently hearing she gives talks on how to avoid narcissists - maybe as she avoids accountability in herself I guess because she is the nastiest narcissist on two legs. She is a prolific liar, has gotten so many people into trouble over the years and has spread so many lies it is amazing she got as far as she did. There is, if rumour is correct, currently a petition against her and her 'practice' as shes fucked so many people over and I am not the only one disturbed that she is in the role she is in. Nothing short of scary.

My ex, who is a borderline pyschopath, is a counsellor. It's surreal, that guy lacks absolute self awareness and empathy.

Not exactly the same but a teacher at primary bullied me - very passive aggressively and no one seemed to notice . But in my little town she is regarded as the best teacher ever, lucky to have her etc. She was extremely good to some of the children, especially those who struggled. But me - i was top of the class, a girl and ivthink she was jealous. She had been a secretary and got into teaching without a degree, due to a programme to recruit teachers in the 60s. I was going to have the uni life she never had.

So I can justify it. I have had therapy over the years and she always comes up. She is dead now but people on our local Facebook group talk about her like she's a saint.

It is hard - Ivreally sympathise. Noveasy answer xx

Slightly different context, but someone who bullied me awfully in primary school is now the manager of a popular local nursery. I came across her profile when looking for a nursery for my dc. I would never trust her to look after a child after how she treated me. I get annoyed every-time I pass by the nursery.

I think in these fields it attracts an awful amount of decent people who have worked to change themselves and help others. Yet in all care roles including nursing, teaching, social work and therapy it will still attract narcissists. I have an ex who works in an nhs role I dread ever coming face to face with them due to their awful behaviour towards me. Think of the police officers who go on to commit crimes. Op the best you can do is concentrate on you.

A person at work did his very best to destroy me.

I am no stranger to the awful things in the world but that was targeted and personal and felt like the end of days to me.

He was also an elder in his church and he still visits vulnerable people in hospitals and also in their homes.

I don’t think he is a good person and indeed I think there is something very sinister about him but people like that can show the face they want to the people they want to.

I have never in my life wished anyone ill but I was close with him.

I will allow myself a quiet chuckle when he dies because if what he believes in is true, he’ll be off downstairs.