Why do situations always escalate so quickly for Mumsnetters?

[CurlewKate]

It’s as if they live in an alternative universe….In around 40 years of adult life I don’t think I’ve ever been screamed at by a stranger in a shop, been suddenly called a bitch or a cunt by a family member… the list goes on.

I hate to be the awkward one here - but honestly- though I’ve never posted about any of this here under any user name- I am exactly the sort of person who gets weird things said to them by strangers or people who really shouldn’t be saying it. I’ve given up trying to deescalate now - last time I fought back. But unlike MN posts in that case I didn’t triumph and things went badly wrong.
Ive been slapped across the face by a complete stranger for instance- I mean she was absolutely stark raving bonkers - but it did happen (I was 19). She just walked up to where I was sitting and hit me as hard as she could.
I’ve had the blue badge self-appointed police stick their head into my van before I’d even parked to interrogate me about whether I had a blue badge - I told her I didn’t. She started on and on and I opened the door and said - she does about my child. And she actually almost got into the car but saw my profoundly disabled child and that stopped her.I said ask her if you want but she can’t answer you. So that happened and it’s one of those kinds of stories.
I had a co-worker tell me he wanted to kill me. In the most roundabout way ever. I believed him. I’d done nothing to warrant that.
Ive also had lovely things said to me - a man told me it was lovely to see someone happy and smiling (he was homeless and I’d apologised for not having anything for him).
Ive had people defend me in rooms where I being bad mouthed when they didn’t have to (this is a health service thing).
But those odd mad things - they can happen.
A man in a nightclub once asked me where I was going with “tits like that”, whatever that meant. I told him “to burn down your house”.
that’s outing to anyone who knows me but in the spirit of the thread.
I could go on unfortunately!
But the whole I yelled someone to move their fucking car thing. Not yet. I get a lot of tutting when I park, with my music on and jump out if the car in a disabled bay.. but that’s because the tinted windows don’t let them see my child, so a lot of pre-judging goes into these sorts of situations. I suppose you may as well smile wave and blow a kiss as start a row.

You always know it's going to go bad when they make a point of saying 'and I very gently and calmly told her to stop...' and the next thing you know they're being held by the throat against a wall.

I really don't think that the person speaking is always the best to assess how 'gently and calmly' they are saying something.

I remember some Christmas threads over the years with people complaining about Secret Santa and being really, deeply offended that the £5 gift bought for them by someone who barely knows them wasn't something deeply personal to them. So many adult women angry and upset because they'd been bought chocolate and it was "thoughtless". Actually a number of references to "thoughtless chocolates" which made me think of a tub of Cadbury's Roses stalking around the house leaving clothes on the floor, never unloading the dishwasher, leaving toothpaste spit in the sink and never changing the toilet roll.

I suppose if you go through life remembering these things, they do add up.
But many words and actions said by strangers are not worth hanging on to.
I do think people tend to remember that nasty remark some dickhead said to them 10 years ago, rather than the many lovely comments that been said to them since.

Some people like drama and the escalation that might happen. I've often heard parents (a certain type) call their children bitch, bastard, little shit. Some fwits are just angry. Most people are/can be nice

It's also how people perceive events. A while ago during a playgroup/preschool performance, we had an "incident" where one 4 year old decided to have fun pulling the hair of the child in front of her. Member of staff intervened, picked up child and removed them to the other side of the group. Child protested verbally at fun being stopped. Observed by 25 people at least. 24 adults saw no issue with member of staff's behaviour.

One parent saw the same action as abuse and overstepping, reported staff member to the police and the Scottish equivalent of OFSTED.

Totally unhinged but sparked a lengthy investigation both internally and by the authorities all through which process the complaining parent stuck to their story that they had observed assault and abuse. (Staff member cleared obviously but left job shortly after).

In long CF threads, I frequently think that a lot of them reach relationship-ending levels because of MN posters egging on the OP into ridiculous responses because they are Righteously Indignant about how the OP was treated.

I posted a panicked AIBU about a wedding situation once because I had a million other things to sort and just didn't know how to deal with a spat between my aunt and my mum.

If I'd have followed some of the advice given, one or both of them would probably no longer be talking to me. Thankfully a lovely poster wrote a nice simple, non-escalatory message that was just right for the circumstances.

This is my MIL. Imagined fallings out with random people in shops 😀

My DC are convinced that I'm constantly upsetting people and making them angry/roll their eyes at me. I figure it's just the usual teen angst of having a parent... how embarassing they are!

Where I grew up there were always people screaming at each other.
Last time I went to where I grew up I got to watch a screaming match between two women in a car park. I believe it was over what some woman said about some bloke, possibly a shared bloke. or an ex of someone, it was confusing.

There were threats of violence and lots of complaints about nosy people (what you looking at you cunt fuck off it's got nowt to do with you) , which is odd because if they wanted privacy then a supermarket carpark was probably not the best place to duke it out.

The local fb page is an online soap opera.

I don't miss living there but I still gawp at the fb page on a regular basis.

No, I don't think people in healthy, loving relationships end or ruin them because of people on MN told them to do.

Aaaarghhh - put a bloody trigger warning then for the emetophobes.

Oh god, I forgot. Idiot that I am. I'm shaking and crying again now.

I've actually thought many posts are about the most insignificant issues and roll my eyes at the time/need to overthink. However it's important to them to feel the need to ask for advice/goad/gloat.

You're right, these dramas don't generally happen on a daily basis, but no one is just going to post a normal day.

Also, it does depend on your area/job/relationships to how much conflict you can experience frequently. As a previous secondary school teacher in a deprived area I could easily report every day about shocking experiences 🙄

For me, it's an escape to read and learn about other Mums' lives and hopefully gain some insights for myself. Yet, as you say, yup some very over dramatic minor perceived experiences and I think, really???

I'd love to know which threads on here are made up and which are real. There was a poster a few years ago who kept name changing and then getting banned again for posting wild made up scenarios IIRC.