Advice for decluttering before a move & overcoming hoarding tendancies

[MyFluentOliveGoose]

I'm posting hoping to hear from people who have successfully managed to do a major house clear out & declutter whilst overcoming their hoarding tenancies. I will soon be moving in with my partner, we're buying something together.

I'll be leaving my terraced house I've been in for 15 years where I've bought up a child as a single parent. I'm early 40s and have overcome poverty, homelessness and trauma in my life and have managed to build a good life and career for myself. I remember when my child was v. young me only having 3 pairs of footwear, 2 with holes in, my coat was ripped and my glasses actually held together with sellotape and I had to use a food bank. I'm now living in abundance, I have LK Bennett boots, cashmere and and fancy handbags spilling out of cupboards but I can't seem to get rid of anything.

I did a major clear out last year that resulted in 10 black sacks full of clothes. I was so pleased with my achievement it had taken me back to back weeks off work to achieve that. When DP came over and saw bags in living room ready to be taken to charity shop he (definate hoarding tenancies too and a great partner in general) got upset and begged me to just sell them on Vinted instead as its 'such a waste'. Bags are now in shed.

This month I've started decluttering kitchen and have boxes of food and tins ect from my covid era hoarding spike. All out of date. DP wanted me to keep those too saying they should be ok to eat. I've ignored that loaded it all into my car and taken to the tip. Tip had a massive queue and then closed it's gates so I now have to wait until tomorrow. Tomorrow I have 2 huge boxes of kitchenware eg jelly moulds, empty biscuit tins, plastic kitchenware I've replaced with pyrex ect. to work out what to do with.

I just find it so hard and wonder how others manage it? It's random things like my child dedided to take my yoga mat camping and it got a bit damaged so I got a new yoga mat but can't get rid of the old one as it seems useful for beach trips.

Also, selling all those clothes on Vinted is going take ages I'll need weeks to put it all up to sell. I've also got a loft and 2 sheds full of crap eg. broken bikes, tents, old furniture after decor changes ect.

I'm so overwhelmed and need to hear from people that have been through similar and managed to sort it. We will have a garage in the new house so plan to put things there and try to gradually sell / get rid of.

I just need to do the decluttering. I feel so much shame and I also feel guilty to myself and my loved ones for having to spend so much time (so much annual leave and weekends) and energy to deal with all this physical stuff that's somehow been accumulated. I don't want to spend yet more money on this.

Hmm, your dp should not be telling you no. He’s not helping. If you’re throwing out stuff, it’s not his right to tell you no and encourage you to sell/keep instead. Don’t be swung by someone with similar tendencies or the fallacy of sunk costs.

I moved a month ago after 20+ years in the same house. I emptied out the loft, under beds, every cupboard and wardrobe, plus the divan drawers (bedclothes) and binned or sent anything I hadn’t used for years to charity. My bil, also just moved, advised us to be ruthless. I was. 2 of us didn’t need 18 mugs, Stacy Solomon said 2 per person. She speaks sense! Selling on Vinted is all very well but can take forever. Designer stuff may well go quickly, but then you have to do photos, find packaging, go to the inpost locker or whatever. It takes forever if you’re selling lots.

If it’s broken, bin it. If it’s been in the shed for years, bin it or give it away-FB marketplace can be useful.

Does the tip have cameras to show the queue? Don’t waste time queuing. If there’s a shop at your tip, use it, I refused to do 2 journeys to a charity shop and the tip. Don’t let your dp influence you and don’t feel guilty about spending time clearing out, it’s a necessary evil. Involve your child if they’re old enough/available.

My advice would be to make regular trips to the tip until you have got rid of all the damaged and broken items, as well as the out of date food and everything else that is cluttering up the space.

Don't move it all to fill a garage while you decide who can be entrusted with the care of all the junk. It'll just attract more crap and before you know it the garage will be floor to ceiling with teetering piles of crap.

The things you use and love get to move with you. Anything you haven't got time to sell goes to the charity shops. The rest goes to the tip.

I don't know if I'd be happy moving in with a man who thinks you should hang on to stale and manky foods to feast on after the apocalypse arrives. The apocalypse will be bad enough, eating grey tinned peas and reconstituting dusty mashed potato granules won't make it any better.

Has your hoarding reached the state where you know you've got that particular gizmo stashed somewhere, it might be in the loft, in an upstairs box room, in the cupboard under the stairs, the garage or the shed, but it is actually a lot less effort to spend a fiver getting Amazon to deliver a new one to your door tomorrow? That was my wake up call, when I realised that there was no point hanging on to things that might "come in handy" at some unspecified later date, because it would get swallowed up in the tatalanche never to be seen again.

Harden your heart and invest in more sturdy black bin bags.

Your relationship with DP has red flags. You should not be holding onto bags of your own clothes which you bought, with your own money, and which were in your own house, to appease him. That was literally none of his business and you should have been able to tell him that.

Likewise, expecting you to hang onto out of date food was not only unreasonable, but also none of his business.

It’s not good that he’s controlling of your things in your own home - I would not be moving in with him until I was absolutely certain they would never happen again. And also that his hoarding was under control and would remain so. No way on earth would I risk living with an active hoarder. Especially with a child. Please think very hard before you do this to yourself and your child.

Just take the clothes to the charity shop. You will never find the time to sell them on Vinted. They are your clothes and it is your choice. Don't let him derail you. It is not a waste to give them away. They will be a wonderful asset to someone perhaps in the same situation that you were in as a single mother struggling to make ends meet. It's a win-win for you and those unknown people.

Regarding the food, would you not rather open the tins, put the food in the food recycling and wash and recycle the tins? Then no need for the tip, plus you will have disposed of it all responsibly.

Please don't feel shame. Do it little by little leaving time to enjoy doing other things.

I think Vinted has it's place if you have the time, energy and motivation to do it. I do not so everything which is decent quality goes to the charity shop, anything else gets recycled or binned. Life is too short!!

Say you earn £20/ hour in your working life, you would have to earn more then that in your free time I would say to make it worth your while to be sorting Vinted stuff rather than doing something you want to do. Personally I'd have to make 10x my normal hourly rate to make me want to faff about with Vinted stuff.

Tell your DP to but out of it and don’t tell him what you’re doing.

Imagine what would happen if you don’t declutter. Eventually your child will have to sort out all of this crap.

Look up Anglo collection, they come round every 2 weeks

You have to be ruthless. Your dp is not helping at all. Take the clothes to the charity shop this week, you will feel so much better. Deal with one item from the shed each day. Either list it to sell or put in the car for the top. Slowly the shed will be emptied then you can start indoors.

I cleared 2 houses over the years. All junk goes into skip, items for charity shops ,if they accepting stuff can be collected by some shops. sell anything that might fetch over £10..Do not get storage units, you wont clear it and keep the stuff for years. my neighbour downsized and has a huge unit and has spent around 50k in fees over the years and items worth about 500 quid max. be tough.

I moved everything, and I mean EVERYTHING out of a 4 bed semi with loft and garage, into a 3 bed terrace with no loft or garage. I systematically went through every single thing and got rid of about 85% of it. I used a doorstep charity collection (ReDonate) who must have come to me about 12 times. I filled up at least 3 of their vans. The reason I did it that way was because I physically did not have any room to keep my parents stuff (dead for 40 and 20 years) my adult childrens school stuff etc etc. You have to be ruthless. I feel so much lighter not living in clutter and amongst stuff that doesn't serve me anymore

Listen to The Minimalists Podcast or similar.
Donate the clothes to charity. 💐
Theres no scarcity of the other things , if you ever need an old yoga for the beach and you probably won't , an alternative will likely present itself.

Let it go , take a pic of anything sentimental to remember it , you'll probably never look at it.
The furniture type charity shops accept kitchen stuff etc as bigger shops.
Or tip shop/ recycle or bin if of no value to anyone.
Be proud of how far you've come. 💐💐☺️

You need to listen to "A Slob Comes Clean." Many of her earlier podcasts would really help you.
Your home is a container. It doesn't matter if something "might come in useful later" if it is stopping you functioning easily in that container (that means drawers aren't packed, cupboards have plenty of space so you can see everything and easily get something out without having to play Tetris).
And take the clothes to the charity shop. Your DP isn't helping.

Watch decluttering programmes like Mari Kondo on Netflix or Stacey Solomon on iplayer

its easier to spot the emotions linked to hoarding in others as u watch, and will help u to be more objective yourself with your own stuff

pick one drawer or place a day eg kitchen counter. Once clear place candle on it and enjoy it being clear, focus on what you’re gaining not loosing

sometimes it’s easier just to empty a drawer into a bag straight for the charity shop rather than go through painfully.

good luck!

Oh thanks for all the helpful replies & understanding 💐 I've got some great tips now and have looked up the Anglo Collection / redonate will definately consider doing that. Also, thanks for the podcast suggestions I've checked them out already and will listen on my commute.

Yes yes I know DP not helping, don't worry his suggestions got v. short shift from me both times and he's stopped it, I just do my thing. Food in car be taken to tip tomorrow. DP is into self development and self improvement so maybe we can combat our tenancies to hang onto stuff together. I'm determined to change my ways, anyway. I'm the one with the cluttered house, his place is quite minimalist really.

I've nearly finished the kitchen, bathrooms are done, will maybe tackle the stuff that won't fit in cupboards next.

Can you put stuff like the kitchen stuff and other bits of that sort on the front of your house ?
We put stuff on the front wall of the garden and it normally goes within a day or so.
Not clothes, they go to charity shops or the regular collections like the Anglo collections.

Anglo collections are brilliant, really helps with the heavy lifting, good luck OP x

I hope this helps you OP. I'm really terrible at letting things go. So bad I have a lock up where I store things I want but don't have room for. I've had this lock up which I pay £165 for monthly for about 7 years. DH commented lady week that neither of us have been to lockup for over 2 years. I decided to go and take a look. My youngest ds had a day off from work to help us and DH and D's made 3 trips to tip. One item I had been keeping was a pram that was used for me when I was a baby, I used it for all 3 of my DC. I was hoping my DD would want to use it for my 2 DGC but she looked horrified and said it was far too big and wanted a travel system. Last week I finally agreed it could go to the tip. My eldest dogs started secondary school this year and I don't think I'll have any more DGC so I bit the bullet and DH and ds took it to tip for me. Also they took a lot of other baby things like a bouncy chair, and cot toys.

That’s nearly 14k on storage. You could have had an amazing extended family holiday with that money.

Oh @caringcarer hope you manage to get rid of the lockup soon and feel more free with the things gone. Yeah there's a cot in my loft, not sure what condition it's in now.

A couple of posters have said about Leaving stuff out, I've seen that round here actually so that's an idea I like the idea of neighbours getting things or via fb marketplace.

I spent the afternoon doing some decluttering a cuppa while watching Stacey Solomon and then a bit more decluttering. Slow progress but have chucked 5 or 6 things and have 1 small charity box for tomorrow.

I have a problem with hanging onto things for similar reasons.

I have had well-meaning cousins telling me to sell clothes on Vinted. I do not need that stress. If they're in good condition - particularly if they have tags - they go to the local Barnardo's store. If they're not so great, they go into one of the rag bag dumpsters at the recycling centre.

I moved country and cleared out a six bedroom house and live in a small one bedroom flat now
I didn't tell anybody what I was getting rid of because it was not their business and I was ruthless. I've been here in this country 3 years and I don't miss any of the things I had at all so it was the right thing to do. And not one person came and said oh did you save this thing for me not one person did

I'm still dithering about vinted, I have a friend that does it constantly and says she made £500 in a month from it. Tempting as that would help with new house refurb but as a pp said it's only really worth it if I can get my hourly work rate so I doubt it. On the other hand my 'screen time' would become productive if I used it to upload stuff to vinted 😆

I've been decluttering for months. I've found it useful to do it a bit at a time, but something every week.

i advertise on Gumtree, some stuff I give away and other stuff I sell for a small amount. Today someone came over for some storage boxes that were surplus to our needs and took away a game and a set of garden chairs. This has been going on for months, it takes time but it feels positive.

ive reasoned with DH that we can't take the stuff to our new house when we eventually move, no way are we putting all the shit into storage if we have to move into rented.

When donating to a charity shop, don’t forget to sign up for gift aid as, in addition to the shop claiming additional tax relief from the government, you can too if you’re a higher rate tax payer. I find that helps quash the “but you could sell it on Vinted” line of argument.

We moved a few months ago and was ruthless in decluttering. We had so much crap after 15years. We filled two skips did loads of tip runs. I also gave a lot of stuff away on Facebook.

@daisychain01 thats great, sounds like you've really got momentum with it and that must help actually. Well done.

All the anecdotes are really encouraging, thanks mumsnetters 😊