There’s a very mumsnet conversation happening on my train…

[UpperLowerMiddleClass]

Two mums discussing their primary school aged children. Distinct frenemy vibes. Of course it goes without saying their initial conversation covered just how well their children are doing academically.

Discussion then moved on to extra curricular activities. Mum A proudly saying what grade piano her daughter is doing, how she’s playing violin in the school orchestra etc, when Mum B pulls out a trump card - her daughter is excelling at the harp! But it’s all such a bother, wouldn’t you know? The logistics of transporting the harp, the cost of replacement strings etc.

Mum A tries to rally with a swerve towards sports and there’s mention of her son making the school hockey team. But I can tell her heart’s not really in it. Deep down she knows she can’t compete with the travails of harp logistics. Mum B has won this round.

And before anyone asks why I’m being so nosy, or why I have nothing better to do: Their conversation is LOUD and PROJECTING. I can’t ignore them. I’d love to be immersed in my book but instead I’m now learning all about the intricacies of harp upkeep and maintenance.

What a time to be alive! 😂

I love eavesdropping. Topped only by people who watching. I was getting into hubby’s van yesterday and watched our neighbour come home and reverse into a stationary car. I nearly tripped over myself to get out of the van on the pretence I’d left something in the house so I could have a nose at the damage 🧐. Keep up the good work.

I joke with my posh H that his public schools clearly have Booming lessons. They’re usually sandwiched with Privilege Management and Exercising of Entitlement

Booming lessons are critical in teaching one to project one’s voice so that staff, children, dogs can come to heel pdq.

I will pay you actual money if you stand up and announce your 3 week old speaks perfect Mandarin.

I would be listening because I'm nosey.

At our school it was competitive closeness to the Dance/Theatre school owner. The annual question of who was going to get her to show up at pre-their Christmas drinks.

At our school it was competitive closeness to the Dance/Theatre school owner. The annual question of who was going to get her to show up at pre-their Christmas drinks.

Not Anna Lapwood no. As alluded to previously, this was in Wales so conversations about harp-wrangling weren't so unusual.

Many many years ago, there was a mum at my junior school who was like this. Very smug and married, used to try to lord (lady?) it over my mum who was divorced. Apparently when the results from the senior school entrance exam came out, she went over to mum and starting saying how proud she was of her daughter who had done so well she'd been offered a place at all the schools (the entrance exam covered several schools) and had got a discount due to her results. Mum took great pleasure in telling her I had scored top first and therefore had a full scholarship to any of the schools. (Sorry stealth boast there, sadly my intelligence has long gone!) I've been told that the woman quickly shut up, walked away, and never spoke to mum again! That was very out of character for mum according to the people who remember her, she was normally really chilled but I think the woman had just picked the wrong day to annoy her.

Orchestral percussion. Xylophone, tubular bells and timpani. Requires both parents and an extra vehicle to move the instruments around. Extra points if a symphonic gong is involved

You should create a competitive parenting bingo card, tick the boxes off and then enthusiatically jump up and claim your prize from the one who delivers your Full House.

How sensible. She's ensured that her child will always have a job playing Pachelbel's Canon in D on Saturday afternoons in June/July at £300 a pop.

Definitely can't beat a future income of around £1800/year minus strings and transport.

That would be good. 4 X ponies plus transport and obv someone to assist with getting the horses ready. Plus the kit. Mallets are soooo expensive these days

Lugging my cello ( the school’s cello to be fair) home for the summer holiday put paid to my dazzling career as first cello in a prestigious orchestra. This was following our triumph at coming third in the under 14 cello ensemble class at the local very well regarded music festival.

(In the interests of complete accuracy I would like to make it clear the under 14 cello ensemble class was quite competitive that year, and the fact that there were only three entrants in the class doesn’t detract from that fact.)

Sometimes you just have to hold your hands up and admit when you’ve been beaten. A harp is one of those times.

🤣🤣🤣

The absolute best thing to do with braggy parents is to agree with how wonderful their offspring are and say absolutely nothing about your own. It drives them mad and is highly entertaining to watch.

I was on a train recently (not even first class), where a man was describing how upsetting his private yacht holiday was in Monaco. Luggage was apparently lost and thousands of pound spent on cloths. It was fascinating! I love a good train eavesdrop.

I play the harp! When I was a teen I played a concert harp but wearing leather trousers like a rebel! 😅 I used to make a killing plonking out a few easy tunes in restaurants and hotels. My poor dad used to have to drive a two hour round trip to my teacher’s house once a fortnight.
I now have a smaller, modern harp. It doesn’t look as impressive but it has a lovely sound.

Yessss that will do it.

Are you sure this wasn't a dnlfoxx sketch from Instagram? (If not, go and check him out, he'll be happy to provide content on little Tilbury and Wenceslas!

Another superb suggestion….

I’ve only ever heard the harp being played live in a hotel for afternoon tea in London. She was good , but it’s not something you hear a lot. It is one of the more niche instruments isn’t it.

Nothing can trump a harp. Your only hope is to play a harp while winning a dressage contest and reciting Keats before going home to do oil painting.

I knew a girl at school who played the harp. I was incredibly jealous, her parents were Maltese and absolutely loaded. My Mum had a long conversation with her father who warned her off letting me take up harp. 'Stick with the flute Mrs toadrage, its much easier in every way.' She ended up going to the Royal Music College.