When did someone show you their true colours?

[vickynotvicy]

What a gut wrenching feeling when someone you thought you liked and respected suddenly shows their true colours, and you realise they were never actually the person you thought and never really a friend at all.

I’m 42, so not a spring chicken, but honestly, that feeling has completely floored me. I’m still trying to process it. Has anyone else experienced this? How did it come about, and how did things work out in the end?

hopeful bump

When my mum died.
My sister and her dh, and dc showed what I already knew, that mum was an inconvenience and not worth their time as she didn’t come attached to a large inheritance.
I haven’t spoken to any of them since, no regrets.

Hope you’re ok op.

Been there and it turned out that person I knew was under heavy influence by a toxic personality they invited into their life.
Still it was an experience for me, I learnt boundaries.

That's so mercenary of them.definitley better off without them.

After the deaths of my children.

Between the grief vultures, those who just abandoned me, and the 'family' who were absolutely appalling in their behaviour I just didnt see anyone the same again really.

Now I keep myself to myself and rely on no-one.

I’d rather not go into details about how it came about but a traumatic event meant I got to see my in-laws true colours.

I was so shocked at the change I felt like I had PTSD. I couldn’t cope for a while, saw a GP who suggested antidepressants - I said no then found a wonderful therapist who helped me make sense of it all and from there, I finally learned how to set boundaries. I never looked back. Things never improved with the in-laws but that was because they weren’t willing to change - that didn’t work for me so I stepped away. Can’t say I’ve ever regretted it.

When we asked friends to assist for a family member special occasion. They volunteered. Total disaster before and after and the affects are still obvious to this day and we are plus 3 years on.

Will never ask any favours again from anyone similar to this situation. I knew these people were childish and this proved the point.

Ex husband when he had an affair with my best friend just after I was first diagnosed with cancer.

He later demanded money he was not entitled to in the subsequent divorce making me lose my home even though he was fit and well and in a well paid job and I had to take ill health retirement and had no means of support except a pension.

I was so shocked.

It was then I realised I had never really know him at all.

When a friend who had suffered from anxiety and I’d spent many hours supporting her, turned on me when I was extremely anxious and down. Said I was making everything all about me. She destroyed my trust in friendships for a while as I always trusted her to have my back.

My boss. I'd always had her back. Turned out she didn't really have mine. Made me see her, and that job, in fact all employment, very differently. I'm leaving this year, and that's the main reason. You're just a resource, when it comes down to it.

I've always known from being little that my mother was 'different' but couldn't understand why

I took years of abuse but didn't know it was abuse

I lost a very dear friend a few years back and when I rang her to tell her,I got a very sarcastic 'oh has she?I know how much she meant to you' (tone not words) and just knew she was smirking about me losing a massive support to me as a single parent

For some reason,I just knew from that second she'd never loved me and that she was glad my friend had died (she was jealous of my friend and had done everything she could to break our friendship but my friend was smarter and saw her for what she was,which my mother hated)

We ended up at my friends funeral and my mother tried to turn it into 'her show'

Sobbing and wailing (while making sure all eyes where on her) to the point it was embarrassing to admit I knew her

A few weeks later,I owed her some money for a phone bill and she demanded it back right-this-second whole knowing i didn't get paid for a few days and would have no money to for food for the kids (she didn't need it back that day and I'd agreed to paying it back on payday)

I lost it,told her to get out of my house and have never spoken to her again

My mother is a raging narcissist and I was her scapegoat

Written down like this,it makes me sound unhinged but she's never been there for me,has hated me all my life,conned thousands of pounds from me and has broken every relationship/friendship id ever had

Going nc with her was the best thing I've ever done

(And Nina,if your watching from up there,I did it-you where right about her,her behaviour wasn't normal and thank you for ignoring her bullshit)

Tbh, I usually see through the facade straight away, I just sit back and wait for everyone else too.

Thinking about it,I had a friend who my ride or die friend

Then I went through hell with my dps dd and really thought we'd have to split up

I cannot stress how bad it was,my mental health took a battering,I thought I was going to lose my home, job and dp

I told two people,my adult ds and my friend

Dp and I got through it and things became better

About a year later,I was talking to my manager at work and he knew all about the issues I'd had (and so did everyone else we knew)

I hadn't said a word to anyone but these two people

My friend hadn't seen me as a friend at all,she saw me as a bit of juicy gossip and had been laughing about me behind my back (shed been doing this with everything I'd ever told her)

She's still in my life but on a much scaled back basis-i refuse to meet up with her,only talk to her on fb (and i keep it light) and I tell her nothing-I'm sure she's confused as to why but I don't care

If she'd told me something in confidence,it stayed with me and ill take her secrets to my grave

Ds said nothing to anyone,which is how it should be

A male platonic friend of mine for 7 years. We then dated for 3 months which was a disaster. After that things were never the same. He did have some troubling work and housing issues when we dated though.

He tried to contact me a few years ago to extend the olive branch to me as he’d got married and his wife suggested to do this. I mentioned something a bit sick he told me he’d done in the past and he denied this. I knew what he’d told me though was true. So after that I cut contact for good.

My God daughter shocked me recently
She is twenty four and an artist .
I have attended her events, bought numerous paintings, encouraged my friends and relatives to buy her artwork. I have also gifted her money to help her sustain herself
Six months ago she invited me to one of her events . I attended with dh.
She asked me to buy one of her paintings which was £500. I told her that I wouldn’t be able to buy anything at that time .
She was furious and accused me of not supporting her business . She blocked me on WhatsApp and hasn’t spoken to me since
I am actually glad that she revealed what a greedy , selfish person she is but I am still shocked by her behaviour
I have worked out that I have spent almost ten thousand pounds on her

When you lend money to friends ; men when they think you are in a vulnerable position ; former friend who fancied my ex boyfriend

Well you haven't even told us yours, so...

I got a 10k inheritance..Friend let me pay for soft play for all of our dc coffee/lunches/even car park tickets when she claimed she was skint. Regularly quoted how many few quids she had in her account. I used literally the full 10k paying off debts exh left me. With absolutely nothing to show for it..
One day she rocked up in a green private reg Mercedes sports car.
What a mug I felt. Our friendship changed after that and I dumped her soon after.

After 8 years.

Same here. You know how people on here say abusers start showing their true colours a couple of years in? for two years I was her hero, then she completely reversed and I couldn't do a thing right. I was even threatened with a PIP because during lockdown I was furloughed and got the blame for not doing something that someone else should have been doing.

Luckily I was old enough to retire and she showed me how valued I was with the leaving present - if you can call something I didn't want and couldn't use as a 'present.'

this was exactly the same for me, when I lost my daughter. I just want to keep to myself now too. People can be so cruel.

I’ve never met anyone who was all good or all bad. Absolutely everyone has “true colours” aka flaws.

There are lots of excellent reasons not to get on with a person but it is very black and white to have thought a person was all good and nice only to realise they are not. Everyone has flaws.

For example I find domineering, controlling people are not my kinds of people so I avoid them even though often they are also really charming, fun and funny.

You could be the nicest controlling domineering person out there and because of my personal experience of these personality types I will still give you a wide berth. Lots of other people will love them though. So it isn’t about their personality it is about our combined personalities.

Just learn from what that person who you feel your found out did and understand why their behaviour is so intolerable to you. It obviously hurt you a lot.

I'm going through this right now, it feels very raw and I feel blindsided and find the person's behaviour incomprehensible. I can't quite talk about it yet..

I hear you. It's hard to convey the insidiousness of it. Hope you're healing x

A friend who was a really good friend... until she decided that I was subhuman for not having children. She made a complete scene in a restaurant enlisting the waiter and another table what a great mother I would be and how I NEEDED to have children.
She found being a mum tricky and we spent a lot of our time together with her offloading. She knew that becoming a mother was a very difficult journey for me (emotionally, physically and a multitude of other reasons). I know she wanted solidarity but that particular scenario showed me her true colours and left me so upset. Her actual words that I was "unnatural" have stayed in my head much longer than is healthy.
We limped along for a while but I have stopped instigating and I suspect we won't meet again.