Anyone know the etiquette around wearing old war medals?

[Randomchat]

Bit random but there's always someone on here who knows the answer!

I was talking to an elderly neighbour recently about my children who march every Remembrance Day with their school who have a brass and pipe band. The school pupils also march, parade, whatever. I was telling her how my kids and nephews take turns to wear my grandfather and great-uncle's medals on Remembrance Day.

She said she has both her father and grandfather's medals in a drawer in her house. She's the last in her family and no-one will ever see these medals on parade ever again and that makes her sad. She said they would probably end up in a junk shop when she goes.

I thought later on that I could offer for one of my kids to take her medals on parade.

But I don't know.

The kids would happily do it, they know her and I'd get them to find out a bit about the medals and her family beforehand.

Is it weird to offer? I don't want to sound like I'm trying to take her medals away, I'd give them straight back. And it's not so my kids can have more medals to wear or anything, it's just because she looked really wistful when she was talking about them. I thought she might appreciate it. But maybe she would think it was odd.

I know her to chat to in the passing, I'd always stop and chat if she's in her garden, but I've never been in her house or anything. I was surprised she mentioned her family and their medals, she usually doesn't give much personal away. She said her grandfather was a bugler in WW1 so my son who plays cornet could wear them. (Oh now I sound like I'm stealing this woman's grandad, that's not what I mean to do at all).

But also is there some military rule about wearing medals that are not from your relatives? We know about wearing them on the right, not wearing them with military uniform, scout uniform etc. But can you just wear anyone's medals if you're not connected to them? I wouldn't want to offer then it be against the rules so they can't do it.

Does anyone know if it's allowed?

Should I offer?

I think it would be lovely to offer, but could you also offer to take her to the parade so she could see them?

Well that is a lovely offer, and if you are as friendly as you seem then say to her, on her behalf,

Google told me this:
Rules for Wearing Relative's Medals

• Deceased Only: You may only wear medals that belonged to a family member who has passed away. You cannot wear medals belonging to a living person.
• Right Breast: You must wear the medals on your right breast (not the left), which clearly shows they were not earned by you.
• Civilian Dress: You can only wear them when wearing normal civilian clothes (such as a suit, coat, or jacket).
• Not in Uniform: Current members of the Armed Forces must never wear a relative's medals while in uniform.
• Remembrance Events: The tradition is typically reserved for Remembrance Day, ANZAC Day, or specific commemorative military services.

Oh the Royal Brittish Legion says the etiquette, only deceased relatives, I am not sure now?

In other words, no.

Lovely thought OP.

Yeah I wouldn't bother, which is a shame.

But if she's a friend of yours and the last living person in her family (and doesn't wish to wear the medals herself), then she's part of your family made of friends and therefore your children may wear "her" medals subject to the other etiquette conditions. Noone is going to check whether you're "blood" relatives or not

[email protected] You could email here and ask for guidance giving the circumstances.

Or offer to take them, wear in the right lapel and not tell anyone. A person only really dies when their name is no longer spoken etc.

I think it’s lovely that you are sympathetic and share your distress that they might end up in a junk shop.

*Google told me this:
Rules for Wearing Relative's Medals

• Deceased Only: You may only wear medals that belonged to a family member who has passed away. You cannot wear medals belonging to a living person*

Yes I read that. But I wasn't sure if it just meant the person has to be dead. Not that the person has to be a relative.

I think she's the sort of person who would care about the rules, even though I know no-one will check.

Thanks for the email address. I'll ask there before asking her.

I'm glad the first few replies haven't thought I'm a weird family stalker. My dh thinks it's weird. But he's generally not very sociable, or sentimental. He has no idea about any medals on his side of the family.

And yes I would definitely offer to take her along. I'll send the email now.

I don't see anything wrong in a child wearing someone else's medals at a parade on their right, especially if a family member were there representing the medal's owners.
It's about showing respect.

How about carrying them pinned to a cushion if you are worried about the etiquette of wearing them?

The other option is that she comes to the parade (with you, how kind) and wears the medals herself.

Why not suggest you take her to the parade and she wears the medals? I watch the remembrance service every year and always see women marching and wearing medals on the right shoulder, so obviously those of relatives. She's clearly proud of the men who earned and wore them.

Great minds @DisplayPurposesOnly

That's much worse from an etiquette POV. Medals should only be attached onto clothing, as carrying them or putting them on an accessory increases the risk of them coming away from the item they're attached to and being lost

The only time I've seen medals being carried on a cushion is at a funeral.

Okay I've emailed and got an auto-response back saying they will reply within 10 working days. Good job we were randomly talking about this in September and not on the 6th November. I'll see what they say.

I've seen her at church before on Remembrance Day, just not at the parade or at the ceremony beforehand at the war memorial. She wasn't wearing any medals though. I can suggest that to her.

I’m interested so please do update when you get an answer.

Yes explain the etiquette about them to her and as pp has said invite her and the medals along to the parade.

My DD wears a mini version of her dad’s medals and he’s very much alive!

If they are medals you have gained from serving in the forces, they are worn on the left. If they are relatives war medals etc, they are worn on the right. I wear my great uncles and dads medals every year for the Remembrance service in our city.

I hope you get a reply.

I definitely don't think you should wear them in the knowledge no one will check - someone else at the parade might make conversation about the medals and then you'd be in an awkward position.

I don't see why. Surely the answer is "my children are wearing them on behalf of a friend who has no living family able to participate in the procession, but wanted to see her father and grandfather honoured."

Only the worst milsim wannabe is going to have any sort of comeback to that. The men and women who actually participated in war would be proud and honoured that young people have taken on a responsibility to ensure sacrifices that otherwise would be mouldering away in a drawer, are not forgotten.

The official sources only refer to them being worn by 'next of kin' on Remembrance Day.

Now, I am absolutely not saying this applies to the OP, but wearing medals on behalf of someone with whom you have no close family connection - someone, in OP's case, that you didn't know personally at all - could be seen by those who have lost a close relative - for example, their spouse or child - in the line of duty as being not really in the spirit of the ceremony.

If the 'rules' don't allow this, the OP could be put in an awkward position and her good intentions might be soured. If she can say she checked and was given the OK, she can reassure anyone who enquires that she made sure what she was doing would be in line with what was expected of people taking part in the parade.

However honourable intentions are, people can be very protective of this kind of thing - rather like the arguments that erupt over who should be allowed to be part of a 'survivors' group in a charity cancer event. People who have been extremely personally impacted by something can be resentful of people who haven't been impacted to anything like the same degree sharing the special honours that they feel belong to them.

I am just saying it's something that OP needs to be careful about.