Ds father wants them over Xmas now his mum has passed.

[Halfandhalf26]

I know I'm being a bitch and ds father has every right to have the kids other Xmas and it should be taken in turns. But i have had them every year for 11 years. All the time his mum was alive he didn't want them. Now his mum is no.longer here he suddenly wants them at xmas. I don't have a problem with them being there I just feel a bit pissed off that they are suddenly wanted on Xmas day since his mum died. Why not when she was alive.

We don't always have Christmas on Christmas day so in general it doesn't make a difference to me.

He obviously wants company over Christmas and doesn't want to be lonely or by himself.

Can't see this lasting. Plus your children are growing up fast. Can't see them wanting to be with him when they are much older.

At their age I'd ask them, they may not want to at all because they haven't ever been welcome before.

YABU. Of course he wants them now. Hes just lost his mu.

Don't your DC think it's a bit weird? Or do thry not know yet. Mine are very vocal about how Christmas should be and used to how we've done it at home so far. Any suggestion of something different does not go down well.

Hes not on his own over Xmas adults wise its around 8 people plus children.

But yeah they will soon he at the age they decide.

I haven't actually said do you want to go to dad's. But I did ask if they are looking forward to it. And they said yes kind of but we want to be with you as well. And I said don't forget we will have our Xmas early so you still have our own Xmas day. And they were more positive once that was said.

Changing the routine really isn’t fair to the children. They have traditions at this point. it would be different if alternating was the norm.

Its not not an AIBU post. I have already said I'm ok with him having them. Its just all the other years he wasn't bothered now suddenly he is.

His mum died a year ago.

They do know that they are going. I don't think they would find it weird. They don't know any different yet they could go to their dads and think never again or they may love it and want to go the following year as well.

They wouldn't think they wasn't welcome before it won't enter their head.

I expect his sister is now hosting and has suggested bringing the DC. I bet he always said you refused to let them go. It sounds like it’s normal for you to celebrate on a different day, so although his behaviour is deeply enraging, it may be fun for your DC if there are other kids there.

No way is he planning on putting on Christmas for just him & DC - far too much work!

I don't think he would have told them that. He would have just said he wants a few drinks xmas eve and xmas day.

Yeah no way is he hosting he has woman to wait on him.

Yeah in reality it makes no difference to me. I think they will likely enjoy it. They do come back and say they were a bit bored. But i don't think boxing day is the same as xmas day. So they will likely enjoy it more.

OP, I totally get why you're irritated. and this was just a bit of a venting post, wasn't it? As you say, it is what it is and the kids are going and will probalby have a good time and you can do something else with them, but the way these men just do whatever they like, whenever they like is endldssly frustrating. I hear you.

Yes definitely a vent. Yeah I'm pretty sure they will enjoy it. Worst case is they get bored. We still do Christmas day its just not on Christmas day 😅. Everyone still comes over wevdi exactly whats done on Xmas day.
And yes he does do what he likes it doesn't even enter his head.

Totally understand. I’d be annoyed too.

Maybe he’s realised home and Christmas equals family whereas when his mum was alive he took it for granted because he had a homely feeling house with her there

YANBU, but you’re also clearly being a grown up about it and just coming on for a vent.