Worried about the future for my mixed-race children in Britain

[Thinkinboutit]

My children are mixed race (black and white), and lately I’ve found myself feeling genuinely scared about what their future in Britain might look like.

I’m not talking about having different opinions on immigration or border control — people are entitled to those views. What frightens me is the amount of racial division, inflammatory rhetoric and propaganda that seems to be everywhere at the moment, particularly online.

I worry about what happens when that rhetoric filters down into everyday life. I worry about my children going out as they get older and being verbally racially abused — or, worse. I worry about racial slurs becoming more normalised amongst children and being repeated in schools by kids who are absorbing what they’re hearing around them.

No parent should have to wonder whether their child will be treated differently or made to feel that they don’t belong in their own country because they’re mixed race.
Maybe social media is magnifying the worst of it. Maybe we’re living through a particularly polarised period that will eventually settle down. I really hope that’s the case.
But right now, as a mum of mixed-race children, I find the direction and tone of some of the conversation in this country genuinely frightening, and I can’t be the only parent feeling this way

I’d really like to hear how other parents — particularly parents of mixed-race or ethnic-minority children — are feeling about it. ❤️

Or even read some of the MN threads about immigration. Plenty of racism on some of those @Fondmemories

A woman abused me and called me a " PoS' on the Tube recently for no particular reason. I was not in her way.
It was hard to tell if she was racist or just mentally ill. Maybe the latter but you never know. I just got out of the way for fear I would be stabbed.

This might be controversial but as a mixed white and Arab women who grew up in a black Carribean household, I have seen racism from a few perspectives, my conclusion is all tribes are a little bit racist, when I was growing up in the 70s and 80s you were a mongel, then half cast, then mixed race and now bi racial .. but mostly "other" or "mixed other" when filling out forms.

When Oprah acted shocked in the Megan and harry interview about questions on the skin tone of their children, the only shock she was showing IMHO was "oh my the royals talk the same way we do"

I would love to say that being a child of differing heritage is wonderful and enriching, but in reality it's really hard because you are not truly accepted as you don't fully share the life experience or which ever mix you happen to be and sub consciously even family members other you. for example "They have that opportunity/ get treated differently because they are different to me"

I do however think that there are some fantastic vocal bi racial role models out there who have lean into their diversity and talked openly about the struggles and they would be the people I would be exposing the children to now.

Here in the UK there are divisions, English, Scottish, Welsh, Irish, Northerners, Southerners

Black British, Carribean, African,

carribean island fractations(not so much now I don't think)

Asian Indian and Pakistani,

Arab - North African and Middle Eastern

I think the greatest gift of being mixed heritage is empathy as you can see so many different sides to things but unfortunately when your young you just want to fit it.

So much. It is a real eye opener.
Youve got your loud and proud racist cunts who are going out in mobs, hurling abuse and smashing stuff.

then you've got your masking racists. You get to see what the people who smile and nod politely and make small talk with you in real life are actually thinking. That's mn. The people who wouldn't dream of suiting up and blocking the streets of Dover for example but feel free to come online and talk about how immigrants need to be deported and disabled people shouldnt get any help.

Oh, I think there is plenty of racism amd colourism in my own British Asian commmunity too. We are by no means saints!

Yes, I'm aware of the issue about immigrants arriving illegally but not black of Asian people who have been here years mostly? They are different issues. I live in a very multi cultural area.

It makes me feel that people always believed the things they are now saying but until now they were worried about the consequences to them of saying their shit out loud so they pretended to be supportive and inclusive

Sadly, I think you are right. These people have always existed, but kept their bigotry mostly under wraps. Now Farage, Lowe, Yaxley-Lennon etc. have emboldened them. But I think they are in the minority and most people are decent.

Do you really think they bother to make the distinction?

Some people are so deluded they believe these racists make a distinction or maybe they don’t believe it but try and gaslight us that it’s all about the “boat people”.

There’s another thread that barely has any comments running now about the uptick of racism in schools. The majority of these young victims of racism will surely have been raised in the UK if not born here too. The fact that so few people bothered to comment on the thread is also very telling.

I have a white friend with mixed race children and I was disgusted to receive a barrage of right wing Islamophobic rhetoric from her and really shocked. I told her that her kids are not immune from being targeted by these people in the very movement she’s trying to support. But what shocks me most is she used to be quite left wing, supported Black Lives Matter and I’ve known her since my teen years and she’s pretty consistent with challenging prejudice. It’s like she did a 180.

I’m not the slightest bit interested in commenting on or complaining about the people around me or changes within UK society. You said you want to hear from people with mixed race kids. That’s me.

I’m white ( born in UK), married to black (born in UK). My kids are doing fine - teenagers.

I think it is important for them, and this has happened naturally for them, that they have friends at school that are white, black, Asian. No grouping off one way or another. I think this keeps them culturally mainstream. I’ve always thought it is possibly easier for people to be accepted when they consider themselves mainstream UK, culturally British, with all the vague breadth in what that can mean.

You wouldn’t see one of my kids hanging around in a group of only black friends. That probably makes it easier for them. I imagine they will carry this forward into their future adult lives too.

I obviously don’t know what it would be like to be in a purely black family, or Asian, etc. I imagine it is harder for their children as they could be more tempted to seek refuge with friendship groups ‘in their own community’, which can make them appear more separate from the mainstream. I could be wrong of course.

I really don’t want to join in any discussion about who is right or wrong or politics and all. I’m just saying that as a mum, I think it is great for my kids to have friends with different skin shades and that this is a healthy way to present in society and a healthy way to live.

Mixed race British people who are long term residents or citizens seem to be successful, intergrated and very much part of the fabric of society. They are well respected. I can't see their children being targeted.

I worry more for children of new arrivals, refugees and illegal immigrants who are not assimilating, not wanting to follow British good manners, laws or ethics. The unruly men scare me so much and I hope they don't tarnish the reputation of other good people who look similar due to their colour.

I can see why you worry. I hope illegal trafficking of lawless people is stopped.
Government needs to police the borders seriously using armed forces. They need to protect legal residents against street gangs too.

I've noticed this recently on Instagram, that the comments on any advert featuring people who aren't white, from UK companies, the NHS, etc., are almost entirely made up of outright racism and complaints about diversity, "box-ticking" and so on. These aren't niche posts that are only show up if you've viewed similar stuff - they're general adverts or information campaigns. It feels like there's been a real shift towards people being fully comfortable publicly expressing these views, and it's pretty shocking and scary.

Exactly my point! Tribalism is real,

I think the young are trying hard to address it in their own communities.

Yes and colorism ironically is linked to racist/white supremacists ideals and misogyny. It’s essentially internalised racism.

There are people in Black and Asian communities who will treat those who have (or look as if they have) white heritage better because they have lighter skin, possibly straighter hair and lighter eyes.

I used to teach in schools and I was shocked to hear colorist comments from young black boys who would say dark skin girls are all unattractive and in some cases basically tried to bully and mock them. Some of them were dark skinned themselves.

It was really common around the 2010-2015 era for dark skin Black women in particular to be openly ridiculed by not only mixed or lighter skinned people on Twitter but dark skinned men too.

I think even stormzy had to come out and appolgise years later for some of his old tweets.

Same, have a mixed heritage child and I'm an ethnic minority living in a mainly white area with lots of flags flying about. I worry about my child.

Yep I’ve noticed loads of this on here.

I really want to believe that the racists are just a small, but unfortunately very vocal, section of society that were made bolder by Brexit and the Farage's poison.

I think it probably depends on where you live as well OP. If you live in London and many other cities and some towns you are surrounded by people of all type of backgrounds, nationalities and ethnicities.

This is just false. Plenty of mixed race and Black and Asian kids born and/or raised in the UK are being subjected to racist abuse by both adults and fellow children .

It’s always been the case, but it’s got worse.

ETA: I remember my mixed race friend who was British born and raised primarily by her white mother got lots of racist abuse in the 90s in our local school that thankfully I didn’t go to. She made sure her kid went to a multi cultural school in a nearby city and that went well but mainly because it’s a girl school and she left around 2019.

Nowadays it’s harder to escape - even British kids in diverse schools are facing racism from classmates . I know this from friends who are parents as well as from speaking to teachers.

Do you live under a rock? I’m white and I’m shocked and sickened by what I hear. What people now feel bold and entitled to say.

OP I’m so sad you have to feel like this but not surprised. The only thing I’d disagree with you about - it has already filtered down!

Oh my sweet summer child. Your first paragraph has no basis in reality.

You don’t think people are treated differently by their skin colour or nationality?

My reality was that every single British and Irish person I met eight years ago were friendly, welcoming and positively purposeful. There were mixed ethnic backgrounds in all sectors I encountered. I have never been to another country where I felt more safe.

Flossybodsy, Do you think it has become worse due to the illegal hundreds of unruly people swamping the shores?

They are flashed about the media. They appear to be taking housing and resources at a time when the cost of living of hard working Brits is so high.

Absolutely. I've had to leave the Dover thread.

I work in a large state secondary. We had a focus group for young black men and they reported that racism is a regular issue for them and that they don't feel that informing authority helps.
As a school we are trying to understand and support and we work proactively with outside groups and organisations to empower young people of global majority heritage.
Find out what groups are active in your local area, write to your MP and ask what your local constabulary are doing to tackle racism. Ask your children's schools what they are doing, do they have data, who is in charge of inclusion, can you meet with them? Consider becoming a school governor for equality, diversity and inclusion.
I am white and I have white children so I have no lived experience, but I do see and support some really positive community action. It won't take away the worry of course. It could though stop you feeling so helpless in these concerning times.

I am mixed heritage, but as my kids pass as white (one more than the other, one does get othered a fair amount "what are you?" ). Their social groups are majority white but both have experienced their Black friends being targeted racially- especially outside London.

For myself I have all the feelings of why don't I belong anymore - the casual discussions on who can stay, who is English/a citizen on MN have suddenly included me. And my existence, belonging, identity is up for debate in a way it hasn't been since the 1980s.

There is an obvious rise in the racial thuggery and abuse of today's versions of the NF (National Front not Nigel Farage). But there is also a massive rise in the casually racist / faux concern " just asking the question" comments and attitudes, that are supposedly about immigration but are actually about anyone who is not white.

I don't think many white people understand what it is like to have your very being up for discussion and scrutiny and judgement all the time as you navigate the world.

And if you don't see it, maybe you are part of the problem?