SEN PARENTS SUPPORT GROUP - THREAD 2

[mumofoneAAW]

Hi all

I've made a shiny new thread for us, for the new academic year

Sorry I have been MIA - life!

But I am here and would love us all to support eachother through the year

If you could, please fill the first page up with your number of DCs, their ages and disabilities, and school/work/life situation?

DD7 - autistic and pre verbal - starting new autism unit at new school!

All are welcome, be it parents/carers of toddlers or fully fledged adults!

🩷

Link to thread one:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5493437-sen-parents-support-group-thread-1?page=1

Hello 👋 please can I join? Ive been looking for a SEN thread for ages.

My son is 16 just - did GCSE'S and been at mainstream but due to his needs ( autism and extreme social and communication needs) He has moved to specialist for post 16 and starts next week 😬

** 👋
Amazing news re your 18yo! A gap year is a great idea and those results are really good - does he know what he wants to do?
Why is your daughter at the back of the class on her own?! If its an asd unit, its already a small class bless her

Ds wants to be a educational psychologist so needs to turn his E into C.

Dds ASD unit is attached to mainstream so all of her lessons are in mainstream classes of 30. The unit said to me Autistic girls like to sit at back because they worry about people staring at them. But she is a individual, thinks she is gorgeous ( she is but but still only 12 so might get hung up on looks soon I guess). Thing is they have presumed she is self conscious and socially not able to integrate with sitting next to anyone. She is extremely popular socail and very over self assured. But they have assumed and put her in the "typical girls with ASD...." box.

I dare not tell the senco her needs as historically teying to tell the school about my kids needs goes bad fast.

So I'm encouraging dd to tell them. Dd thinks her mate is joining the class next week and the only spare desk is next to her. So waiting to see what that brings.

Welcome all 👋🥰

@likeitshard wishing you the best with it, youre definitely doing the right thing

Oh @whoami24601 so sorry to hear that - what will you do this morning? How does he cope at home?

@TickyTouse 💚

@Haribosweets amazing news, how do you feel! Is today his first day? I can imagine it hasnt been an easy journey

@SurreySenMum26 how awful of the school to just presume - she sounds like a girl after my own heart, good for her for knowing her worth! It would be good for her to tell the senco then - theyve not been great with you? Here's hoping ds has a good gap year, time to rest and change the grade

I'm a bit nervous about the senco at my dd's new school but holding back, hoping it's just nerves. She seems a bit off towards me. Still, just trying to focus on the positive.

Hoping for a positive start to the week for us all, and our kids ❤️

(Dd isnt asleep yet and needs to be up in a few hours 😬)

My plan is try as hard as I can to avoid any interaction with dd school at all for at least a year. I'm trying to get dd to tell them herself. Much harder to mark a pupil.as pushy trouble maker than a mum. I'm also getting dh to talk to school which is new tact. Again a bit harder to be rude to a stocky tattooed man than a mum.

Every senco so far has been insistent they know my child better than me. Because they are the experts. But each of my kids are individuals and didn't read the manual.on how to be Autistic or dyspraxic so they don't react like a text book SEN child. If I dare say "it's because you keep on touching her" etc I'm causing trouble.

I have done 11 tribunals. My cards are marked. I'm no people pleaser over my kids rights. I can imagine word travels. Trouble maker or is there a reason my ds got a chance to pass his a levels? It makes me sad because if their kids had say a broken leg and the expert nhs Dr said to walk it off, they would advocate for their own kids. If I advocate I'm a trouble maker. If I do nothing I'm neglectful. So I can't win.

He's fine at home mostly. Today he'll be off because that's what he was told on Friday so we'll stick to it. I've told school it's not legal what they're trying to do and asked for a call this morning to talk about how to manage him WHEN he goes in tomorrow. They're adamant they can keep him off. Its a rock and a hard place isn't it? Send him in and potentially have him sent home or keep him off and lose his education? I really didn't want to start his new school this way.

Tomorrow we should hear back from the RP. Im just hoping against hope it is the answer we desperately need!

No contact from school..

What will you do this morning? Poor ds, how stressful for you all

Did you not hear from the RP either?

@SurreySenMum26 11 tribunals!!?! You amazing warrior - i met a woman who'd done 2 for the same child and was shocked. Its such a shite shite system.

Youre doing the right thing, end of. And your ds is a testament to that.

Unfortunately I agree that having a man involved helps. As a single mum with no man around, these people take me less seriously. How awful, in 2026.

How'd monday go for dd?

Dd had her first day and it went okay. Chaos in the morning with transport so hopefully today will go okay. She looked so cute in her uniform and was genuinely excited to go in. She isnt eating much at all so I am worried about that. But will try breakfast now and see if she tries it

Best of luck everyone for the day ahead ❤️

DS is up and in his uniform. DH is going to go with him and deal with any issues that arise but hopefully they will let him stay. Poor man is coming to it after a night shift too! I sent a very to the point email last night telling them that's what we were planning so they had time to prepare for him. They didn't respond so off we go.

Fingers crossed your DD eats some breakfast. It's such a worry when they don't eat isn't it? DS was worryingly underweight until he was about 5 but these days I can't feed him enough!

Hope everyone else's days go ok 🙏

Hello! Was just wondering if any of the parents with kids older than mine (he's 5) have any tips for supporting self esteem/coaching their kids to help them make friends? (Is making friends even possible to try to help with?) DS really seems to struggle socially and finds it hard to be assertive. He can get very silly and over excited, talks v loud and doesn't listen to what other kids are saying, and then will just wander off after 5mins anyway. In the playground after school, he just seems to run around and around the roundabout in circles, or run about randomly by himself without talking to the other kids in his year, so maybe he's not ready to make friends quite yet but at the same time he has commented that no one likes him and he doesn't have friends, which is so sad to hear.

We were thinking of trying a class like gymnastics to widen the pool of potential friends, but I'm not convinced he would follow instructions well enough in that kind of setting yet...

(For context DS doesn't have a diagnosis, we suspect ADHD. He's bright but struggles with anxiety and has had some quite extreme meltdowns at school)

@whoami24601 how did it go?? Poor dh as well, it must be exhausting for you all

Dd hates her transport and didnt eat a thing at school! She went 24 hours sans food but recovered this evening, ate and has gone to bed okay. Will abandon transport for now

@Chockadoo no advice but solidarity. He sounds like its possible though - maybe an activity where he runs around but has to follow set rules could help? Football or similar?

He will get there but its so so horrible to hear about lack of friends 🥺💐

Dd wants friends and talks about sleepovers and picnics and other girly things, but hasnt any yet

Aw sorry to hear it's a familiar story for you @mumofoneAAW

we'd potentially want to steer clear of anything competitive like football atm as he has a habit of instantly falling flat on his face and howling when he's losing/thinks he might be about to lose. I spotted an after school "messy science" club run by a qualified teacher at our local community centre and I might see if he wants to go along. He looks so tired at the moment, dark shadows under his eyes, maybe it's just better to wait until next term.

He's been struggling with a couple of other kids being mean, which I mentioned to his teacher today as he had a bit of a meltdown on the way in. She emailed to say he'd been hanging off some banisters (on the steps side not dangling off a drop haha) refusing to move, so she'd had to pick him up and carry him into class as it was dangerous for other kids. It took a while to calm him down... I thought that the other kids' mean comments might have been on his mind although it's hard to tell what's going on in his head most of the time!

On the plus side nursery said DD (2) had been an excellent listener today and had even been telling the other kids what they need to do 😂 my kids are so different.

Hope everyone else has had an OK day x

Thanks, mostly I'm winging it. Ds1 is loving being back at uni. Ds2 hasn't started yet but he did his transition day yesterday which was really good and he could do his enrolment and collect his lanyard as well to avoid the crowds in freshers week which I thought was really good. Not quite got the house to myself in the day as ds2 is still here but it's a lot quieter. I've got 2 PIP forms to keep me busy though.

Well they let him in. He's been in for 3 days now. They've had him in the breakout classroom to get to know the routine/ staff so he feel confident going there when he's struggling.

He seems to be enjoying it! Fingers crossed things will get better from here (I can hope 🤣).

They didn't admit they were wrong but surely if they were so sure he wouldn't have got through the door!