Increasing stress levels as I get older

[ClawsandEffect]

I'm not retired yet but ideally will be within 5 years. Despite not being out to pasture yet, I'm finding life in general more stressful than I used to, this is despite my job being a lot less demanding than it used to be.

I can't deal with the stress of flying (have a full-on flying phobia) anymore, despite wanting to try a holiday. So this year I thought I'd try a couple of short UK breaks instead. Except every time I do, I get ill while I'm away.

I think it's the stress of travel causing it. But honestly, a bit of driving or a train ISN'T stressful really, not when I think what I used to manage (have worked all over the world for prolonged periods of time).

I don't understand what's happening to me. Is this really part of the ageing process?

No, it's not a normal part of aging.

As I got older I found it much easier to distance my self from stressful situations.
One of my siblings was being a knob so I dropped contact. I sat back and watched people tying themselves in knots with new systems, processes etc at work and instead just did what was asked of me. If friends started to get political, I didn't engage and would ultimately stop seeing them if the friendship was not enjoyable any more.
I embraced early retirement and while some find it difficult to deal with a lack of purpose, I find I am now so busy I am glad I didn't accept the offer of moving to our new "flagship" office where I would have been the most experienced person (and therefore have everything dumped on me!).

Maybe you just want a quiet life
I know lots who don’t want to do air travel any more neither do I

I do think anxieties increase as you get older. My father and I both developed a fear of heights as we got older that we never had prior to our 40s. When you think about it, it makes sense from a survival angle that as you get closer to death you naturally become more wary of things that might land you there faster.

Yes agree more worries as you get older.

(Peri) Menopause ruined me. I went from busy carreer mum who thrived on stress and could manage anything, to someone easily overwhelmed and became a terrible over thinker.

In the end I retired and things have improved because I have much less on my plate, but I have no idea how I manged to live the way I did in my prime.

As I have got older I have become more risk adverse (sensible?). I am more cautious. This is not just in physical activities but with finances and trust in new people. I still do things but I plan a lot more and I am more focused on safety.

For a lot of stuff, I can make myself push through and do whatever is stressing me. But then my body deals with the stress by making me ill. I have always been a bit like this. Years ago as a full-time teacher in an inner city school, I had one really horrific class that always gave me a migraine after a double lesson.

I accept I can't do flying. But it's a bit sad that I can't cope with lower key stuff. I feel as if my life is becoming more restricted. I suppose if I didn't have to work, I'd have more emotional energy available for other things.

I am exactly the same with travel. I look back at some of the travelling I did when I was younger and can’t believe I did it. Now I’m a bag of nerves whenever we go anywhere, I think a lot of it is that I worry about the dc getting sick while we are away and not knowing how to get help for them. Quite ridiculous really as the furthest we travel is the Balearics or similar. Anxiety is awful and debilitating but when you stop doing the things you deem to be scary then it controls your life and gets worse and worse.

We had a summer holiday this year that my anxiety basically ruined. I didn’t eat, sleep or relax at all while we were away which is surely the whole point of a holiday. Part of me never wants to do it again but that’s unfair on my kids and I don’t want it to control my life.

Menopause: I’ve definately become generally more anxious and reclusive

Pushing yourself through stress just creates more stress which leads to illness and burnout.

Sometimes what you really need is a good rest. Holidays are not always a rest. They are a change. Sometimes a change is as good as a rest - but not if what you actually need is a rest!

Is it possible that you're just pushing a bit hard?

Since menopause my anxiety has increased dramatically, I have always been anxious but now it’s in overdrive, like you I now have a fear of flying yet I’ve flown countless times, every ache or pain I’m convinced is a terminal disease, fear of driving on motorways, I could go on, it’s shit and I hate it.

@Brillopadhair my sister is the same. We used to have wild times in our youth. Post 55 she’s got worse and worse and is anxious about the slightest thing.
Im ok but definately get more anxious as soon as I travel. But I also wonder if it’s a post covid thing. Covid didn’t worry me but we all were housebound

Covid didn’t worry me too much but menopause has completely changed me and gave me shit hair!

I do think covid was partly a catlyst for me. I got very very used to not going out and working from home. A compete contrast to before when I travelled the world for work. And now I feel that I'm stuck in covid mode.

I have always been anxious. It definitely got worse perimenopause and menopause. I had an anxiety attack after getting a plane to Italy . I had got so wound up my blood pressure must have been sky high. Had to get emergency dr out who gave me sedatives. I never used to be like that. I really think it is the lack of calming hormones. Anti depressants can help a bit or other people seem to take HRT . I am trying a more drastic approach to resetting my nervous system by moving to the coast . Will let you know if it helps and if moving doesn’t push me over the edge!

@ClawsandEffect I am convinced that lockdown has had longer term impact. I used to be involved in loads of stuff that stopped. PTA, governor, voluntary work etc.
people lost self confidence to be ‘out there’

I also on teams video calls constantly at work but not in personal life as felt false. They’ve all got more anxious too. Even old mates.

I was like this for a few years but am out the other side of it and love travelling again now.

I do notice though when I get stressed it’s very obvious, and it’s always obvious what’s causing it too, so it’s like my body finally has caught up with my mind, and I accept it if something is stressing me, just stop it. It’s absolutely brilliant!

I’m actually much happier now than I have ever been and hope to continue to improve. I really listen to my body now after years of ignoring it.

There is a time for everything. Right now you just might need to have a bit of peace and quiet. Listen to that and good luck x

I had an awful day at work last week-literally didn’t stop for 10hours in a physically and emotionally draining job. The next day was my day off and I felt terrible all day- exhausted, achy muscles etc but also strangely wired. It’s not sustainable to go on like that in my late 50s. I’ll probably end up having a stroke..