Would you be concerned or is this ok ? 12 undergrads placed with 200 post grads in halls ?

[IsthisOK12]

Can anyone make sense of this ?will it be ok ?

DD has been put into halls 15 mins from her campus but it's with 200 postngrads and I wonder what others think of this ?

The halls themslves have not got good reviews and I wonder if is it a safeguarding risk and or will she have a normal undergraduate first year experinece ?

Would you leave it or try and change it ?

• jve seen many yp cling to the people they first meet etc and can be cliquey

There’s a student union but the students don’t really use it as much as other places esp campus ones. The main place they tend to go to is round Gloucester Road and whiteladies Road.

Don't, it's fine to wonder. I don't think students necessarily make friends with people in hall, they often get to know people on the same course of hobby group. And DD might enjoy having some slightly quieter and more mature students around.

theres no one place, really. Lots of flat pre drinks, events in hall bars (though these were more for pre drinks in the early weeks, not used a huge amount after ime).

I didn’t live in Clifton, so I’m not sure exactly. But I just had two friends who lived in a flat in a postgrad halls in Clifton and I know they made friends/went to lots of flat pre drinks in the nearby undergrad halls of residence.

honestly I think most people made their friends through courses rather than flatmates.

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Will she be sharing a corridor with the other 12 undergrads? If so I wouldn’t think very much about it tbh

I was with older students in my first hall of residence (not post grad, but final year and mature students). I felt a bit disadvantaged by this, lots of people made friends in the communal kitchen and hung out - my floor were all friendly, but who can really be bothered making friends with a fresher when you've done it all before?

@IsthisOK12 The number of older undergrads is usually quite small but depends on the university. DD 1 had none at Bristol in the catered hall she was in (that she was friendly with). DD 2 did have older students around at UAL because quite a few had worked first.

In general, the 12 are outnumbered and the 200 won’t be doing freshers events! As a result, I’d ask the uni what arrangements are in hand for them to meet and socialise with their own age group.

What uni is this? I have come across this at one uni, but just in one wing of a hall where just the wing was for post grad but undergrads were given rooms in the wing. However it was catered and they ate with the undergrads. Didn’t stop friendships and socialising. In your DDs case, I can see why she might feel cut off. Not much choice of friends! Was she insurance by any chance? I would ask questions about integration opportunities and make as much effort as possible to make friends elsewhere.

I lived in mixed age halls in Bristol in the 90s. No safeguarding issues but I hated it. The older ones were cliquey and superior and did nothing to welcome us or help us settle in. Not ideal in my experience.

Why would you assume they would all be 23, for a starter, unless you were catastrophising?

Surely if your dd is starting a standard 3 year degree aged 18, while some might very well be older (as will undergrads) some might be "only" 21.

I would start a new thread if you want advice on how she can make friends outside halls. Yes its a bit disappointing but there will be lots of others in her position (as in not the halls they wanted ) - others might be with people they dont get on with or who didnt get halls at all. Some students will be living with parents and commuting in. She'll just have to make a bit more effort in talking to people on her course, joining groups, etc.

Although she might also make friends with the postgrads, 3 years isnt an u
insurmountable age gap! Has she never had any slightly older/younger friends in a part time job or hobby/group?

@latetothefisting They are not the same category of student though and are post grads at 21 or older really going to want to be friends with 18 year old freshers? I don’t think so and this is exactly why it’s a separate hall! They don’t normally integrate. The others are not in the same position if they are not in a post grad hall and the vast majority won’t be. They will be with 100% undergrads even if in a hall not if their choice. So not the same at all.

What the Dd can do is request another hall and keep the request in. Some dc don’t turn up and there might be space elsewhere very quickly.

Changing accommodation early on as a new undergraduate isn't uncommon. I'm sure OP's daughter will be perfectly able to sort it out if she needs to. It's OP who's fretting, not her DD, as far as we know. On the other hand, finding herself with only another 11 undergraduates may suit DD very well. It's hard to know until you get there.

@MeetMeOnTheCorner thank you , of course it will change her experience and yes we are trying to look at the positives but it is gutting

Many many people nice in with those they live with and her pool of potential friends is much smaller from this easy base.

Of course if it was easy to change then there would be no issues at all.

• move in with

She'll have 11 people to potentially go to freshers stuff with initially. At those events she'll meet more people. At the next event, she'll recognise them, and meet some more. She's going to meet her entire cohort as soon as classes start. They'll chat, go for coffee, do projects together, meet for a drink, go out out...

That's how she'll make friends.

Who she lives with is only the very tip of the beginning of who she'll meet.

Most people find their tribe outside of their accommodation, as described above.

All she really needs is one, maybe two first years (from 12) to go to a couple of events with to set the ball rolling.

You're both understandably nervous, which is making you see this as a way bigger influencing factor than it will be in reality.

Would I be worried? No. And I'd explain it to my dd exactly as I have here.

She's going to be fine, as will you.

This happened to one of my DDs and it was an absolute blessing in disguise.

She was surrounded by people who had grown out of the constant partying, who were there because they really wanted to be (rather than just because it was expected) and who’d learned all the tips and tricks of living in halls.

She was able to go to all the parties, but escape when she wanted. She never experienced the 8 fire alarms in one night that her mate in undergrad halls had and she made friends with a very wide mix of people.

Where I work there is no accommodation for ‘home’ postgrad students, so she may well be living mostly with international masters students, unless bristol is very different (it might be!). If I’m right, they will almost certainly be absolutely lovely but yes, a very different experience to live with vs in a wholly UG hall. International masters students have got a year to navigate a new country and come away with a high level qualification plus next steps re their career, so it’s a very intense time for them.

Lots of other ways to socialise though - course, hobbies, part time work - and she may well find some great friends in the accommodation too. Oh - when an ad goes up for student ambassadors, tell her to apply!

I, my DH, my DD, and my DS all found uni friends through immediate flatmates, courses, or societies. Very little happened at "hall" level! (Doubtless different at collegiate universities.)

I have to say at Bristol all DDs friends were from her hall, but it was catered. No lasting friendships from her course at all because they all dispersed in y3 on year abroad and then did different options in y4. Often humanities undergrads don’t see much of each other. She was a society chair and organised a ball but no real friendships there either. She knew a few boys in different halls already and stayed in touch with them but hall friends were the big core of friendships. She was and is gregarious and just having a few friend options would have been a nightmare. She was insurance so she was so lucky to get an undergrad hall at all.

and yes we are trying to look at the positives but it is gutting

You are SO catastrophising this and being ridiculously over the top.
In Covid, Bristol Students ended up being house in NEWPORT. Yes, in WALES.

You are trying to make out everyone is going to be 'so much older than her'. No they won't. Some (most) will be 21, just as some Undergraduates will be 21. But even if they were 4 or 5 years older - so what ? Has she never mixed with people other than in lessons in school ? Never in a sports team or orchestra or Guides or drama group or had a job or volunteered anywhere ?

You seem distressed she will be 15mins away. Away from where ? It takes more than 15 mins to walk across many University campuses. My dc1's 'student village' was a 40minute walk away from the edge of campus. It really is not an unusual thing.

You are trying to make out that people all make their friends in their accommodation. They really don't. I've had 3 go through university and am aware of experiences of nephews and nieces and even dc of colleagues and friends. Occasionally people are lucky enough to become best mates with the random people they are allocated to share with in first year, but more often they don't. Read @Azandme 's post a couple above this. It explains it.

@JustAnotherWhinger And we all know the Wales option was shit. Yes, DD did make all her friends in hall. 15 mins isn’t far - I guess from teaching area so it’s probably Stoke Bishop via the bus. For most undergrads they want friends like them - undergrads. Not grads. They just aren’t the same and I agree with op in general. Whose dc did make loads of friends with post grad students? I’ll tell you what - none of them. Most often they DO make friends with hall friends and in Bristol it’s normal to house search with hall friends immediately after Christmas for y2 housing. If we are talking about Bristol, it is a deal!

You must be living a very privileged life indeed, OP, if you think your DD having to live in a university hall with lots of postgraduates and 11 undergraduates 15 minutes walk from campus is 'gutting'. What an abuse of language, just as 'safeguarding' was, insulting people over 21. Language matters.

Some examples of 'gutting' from a more grounded parent whose DD graduated last year (none of which happened, thank goodness):

1. Your DC has worked their socks off for three years but contracts aviral infection three days into finals and is awarded a third
2. After a head-over-heels romance with her first serious boyfriend, your DC is unceremoniously dumped. She is inconsolable.
3. After endless rounds of online and face-to-face interviews, aptitude tests and assessment centres, your DC is on a shortlist of two for a graduate job she desparately wants. The post goes to the other candidate.

Those are the times when 'gutted' is the apposite word. How much good do you think it is doing your DC that the woman who raised her trusts her so little as a young adult woman launching herself into the world that she doubts her competence to walk a mile across a university city in the company of new companions?

Typo

Dd is a 30 min walk from uni and says she likes having that walk. She gets some exercise, gets her steps in. Says it’s time to think things over quietly before and after uni. I asked her if she wanted to move closer for next year and she said no.

I'd be more concerned for the post grads really.

@IdaGlossop Is this a race to the bottom of being gutted? Why the pile on? It’s feeling gutted at this moment in time and must of us do when things go awry and aren’t what we expect! We didn’t need your gutted issues because we can all list things that have set back dc. Maybe just look at this DDs predicament? And be a bit kind!