Why can’t I remember anything??!

[MemoryFail]

Ok slight exaggeration, but still. I seem to have a really bad long term memory. Had a bit of an argument with DH last night when he was really annoyed because I said I’d never been outdoors ice skating, when actually he had taken me early on in our relationship and he remembers it as a really big thing for me at the time (because I’d never been to one and had always wanted to, and I was really happy he’d found one of us to go to). I believe him now he mentions it, and I feel like I now have a blurry memory of it, I just don’t remember anything about it till reminded.

I can’t remember much about:
School - eg I could tell you the name of a couple of teachers and my closest friends, but a school mum I know told me last year she was in my year and I have zero memory of her
University - I obviously know what I studied and my close friends, but if you asked me to tell you what I spent my time doing, or how often I went to labs/the library/played a sport, I can’t quantify it and I can’t remember many events or stories. For example I know I was a member of a society where there were big debates but I couldn’t tell you whether I went to five or 200
Travelling - went to lots of places on a gap year, and through my twenties, but doubt I could trace my gap year route on a globe now
First job / flat sharing - eg someone at work asked me the other day if my flatmates and I had much spare money to go on many holidays when we were in our first jobs and again I just don’t really remember!
Films, tv - lost count of the number of times I have no memory or watching a film I’ve definitely seen before. Sometimes I have read a book and realised in the last third that I’ve read it before.
Also, and I feel awful saying this, but I’m not brilliant at remembering my kids’ very earliest years either (they are 4 and 6 now and again there are lots of things that DH remembers about them being babies that I don’t recall in detail).

Day to day it’s fine, I know where my keys are and I manage a busy life well. Never left a pram at the shops and rarely lose things, have very occasionally forgotten a social date but it’s not a regular thing. I would say I successfully hold a lot of things in my head (busy job and two kids and care for my dad). But when I properly think about it the lack of memories thing can sometimes make me feel really sad and a bit like a stranger in my own life. Plus I know it hurts DH that he remembers so much more in detail of the 15 years we’ve had together than I do, I think he got annoyed because he worries that those moments didn’t mean as much to me as they did to him. Which isn’t true, but why the fuck can’t I remember??! The only thing I can think of is that I don’t reminisce much, like I don’t look at old photos, I don’t really see old friends that often because day to day life is too busy (all have small children and we all live in different places now).

Also, if this rings true to anybody else, is there anything I can do to try to get my memories back?

Look up severely deficient autobiographical memory (SDAM)! I have it, and aphantasia, and your life sounds very similar to mine!

Omg this is SO me 😳 interested to find out what's going on with the both of us!

Had a friend once in similar situation as you.

Husband kept reminding wife about multiple events she couldn't recall in the slightest, he got annoyed and started booking appointments for her with a neurologist and having tests. Anyway as time went on turned out husband was describing events he'd done with his mistress and it was HE who had early onset dementia and getting confused. They are divorced now and married a new chap and I went to their wedding last April.

Wow.

Oh interesting. Never heard of this! Thanks!
The thing is though I do have some vivid memories, so it’s not that I can’t form them or take myself back somewhere (the woman in a bbc article I just read said the up side was she doesn’t remember how sad it was when someone died, that’s definitely not me). It’s more that I don’t seem to have many - do you find you have that “remember facts but not feelings” thing I just read about?

😨 😨 😨 Woah….how awful for her. I hope she’s happy now.

Don’t think this is me though, DH is empirically correct about the stuff he remembers and I don’t!

This is me!

I’m the opposite - I have an incredibly vivid memory for everyone I ever went to school with / worked with / met fleetingly. I can recognise people I was on a course with for 2 weeks 30 years ago, and remember an astonishing amount about their life (their taste in music, the name of the street they lived on at the time, whether they were vegetarian or likes peanut butter, that sort of thing).

I can remember conversations verbatim, from years ago. Even inconsequential ones. I remember people’s turns of phrase and tone of voice.

I remember loads about university and my early 20s (though I couldn’t tell you how many times I went to the library - can anyone? Do people keep count?). Concerts I went to, holidays, etc.

I can’t stand to watch the same film or read the same book twice and would never do it by accident as I remember everything I’ve read or watched.

BUT I cannot remember ANY numbers or ANY dates, even very recent or important ones - they just turn to nonsense in my head.

I couldn’t tell you my NI number or car registration without looking it up.

I also lose my reading glasses CONSTANTLY. I have to check my calendar a thousand times a day to make sure I don’t forget meetings and appointments.

I get confused between left and right, and between what you SHOULD do in a life threatening situation (e.g. being chased by a grizzly bear, or if you’re swimming during an electrical storm) vs what will definitely get you killed.

I’d rather have your memory problems!

OMFG 😳

Glad she got a happy ending!

I’m in your same boat OP. Wish I knew what was going on. Makes me sad when my kids ask about their childhood or mine. DH has a great memory and his mum tells many stories from his childhood so my children know a lot more about his past than mine.

The worst thing is that I come across some important emails or information which I’ve saved for my records (from long ago as well as recent) and I’m shocked that I was the one who wrote that fantastic emaIl or got certain feedback/praise. I’m so lost on how I can’t remember. And when I work with people who have great memory they often say - you were going to X; but I have no recollection of the commitment or even what it means. I feel silly asking for an explanation (again) when clearly a conversation has been had!

this is getting much worse in peri. I’m also finding myself watching films and reading books only to realise towards the end that I have done this already.

i feel like my life is a blur and photos/ videos are my only memory bank 😕

Vitamin B12 deficiency can cause memory loss. Have you had a bloods panel?

I dont think my memory is awful but I have some instances like this. For example tonight my Husband said I remember when we moved into our home and it didnt have a shower (was bath only) or shed and the letting agent got them installed. I do not remember this at all. It was many years ago but I have no memory of this and in the short term I feel im the one with the better memory but my long term memory I don't think is amazing.

I also watch a movie and a couple years later its very very fuzzy or a tv series, by the time the next season releases I have to rewatch the last one.

It is annoying when I am told about something I did and I just cannot place it, especially if its something that happened a few years previous but I just see it as everything doesnt stick and over time less important things fall out. Sounds like im not alone at least.

Same here! Can remember a few things that really stuck out for reason, often negative although some very happy. The rest is a blur.

Stress can cause failing memory.

Have you had any early trauma OP?

Ive always been like this OP

Also, Im amazed at people who can remember what year was a hot summer, or a wet summer, or a cold winter. I cannot remember at all when these things happened.

My day to day memory was getting shocking over the last couple of years and really got worse last year to the degree that I thought I had early onset dementia. I started HRT and possibly had a very very slight improvement although not much, everything was just a blur or foggy in my head. The started anti depressants and my day to day memory is much much better, better focus, retention and concentration.

But ask me about school friends names, things from years past. I have some glimpses but nothing concrete.

I'm the same @MemoryFail
I can remember my bank account details and my NI number but can't remember almost all of my school years, things the kids did when they were young, holiday places or being excellent at my job once either

This is so shocking!

I have severe memory gaps - sometimes I come across a load of old photographs of, say, a day out with the kids, and I have no memory of it until I see the photos - and I can't believe I forgot it. They say sleep deprivation can interfere with the laying down of long term memories, and I've always put it down to that - I was terribly sleep deprived when my 3 were little.
But I also have vast swathes of missing childhood memories too. I can remember lots of things very specifically. Some specific incidents, all my teachers, I can remember perfectly. But I just can't remember my days, like what I did. I can remember walking home from school, but I can't remember much about my school days or what I did day to day. Just specific "pictures" of my childhood which I think come from photos.

I am the same. I remember people i went to school eith but cannot recall being there, walking to and from. Both primary and secondary. I dont remember holidays, days out. Anything to do with my childhood.

I had therapy for something a few years ago and the psychologist said that its likely I blocked out anything pre trauma (20's & 30's) as my brain filed it as not important, or minor. My thoughts were then focused on flight or fight for years and forgot the rest.

I’m sorry for everyone feeling similarly, but really appreciate the posts. Cliche I know but reassuring to know it’s not just me @WaitingForAutumm life is a blur, yes exactly that. And ditto on the childhood stories.

I got caught up in a long bedtime but in answer to some of the questions, no early trauma, bloods got taken a few months ago and were normal, don’t think it’s peri as not quite there yet and has been been like this for ages

sleep deprivation though, yeah. It’s been a bad ten years (shift work then small children). I definitely do not get enough sleep (she types, on Mumsnet at half past midnight!)

I am really interested by your therapist’s suggestion @Yellowcakestand I’m sorry you had a traumatic experience. You’ve made me reflect that I did have a tough time about ten years ago and it has made me a much more “just get through this” heads down approach kind of person than I had been before. So I wonder if that plus sleep deprivation has made it worse. Did he/she have any suggestions about how to bring the memories back?