Imagine if the consequences of your actions were known to you, would you adapt?

[Costemp]

We all know our actions have consequences, but some are more acknowledged than others. What if people somehow knew the direct consequence of their actions, how far would they adapt? It could be big or small, a positive or negative consequence.
For example, some are easy. If you knew that doing a small act of kindness like checking in on a friend going through a hard time, or offering to babysit someone’s children if they had no support - these acts may reduce the chance of another act being the straw that broke the camel’s back.

If you knew that sending your child to school with covid led to his friend’s father being permanently disabled, would you still do it? Would you justify it by saying he might have ended up that way eventually or that school requires it or would you keep your child home?

This is a rather vague question
Can you encapsulate what you’re actually asking in a sentence?

I think of consequences for others alot when possible consequences are actually known risks. For example, when my Ds2 got chicken pox just before we had to fly to my home country (long haul) I cancelled our flight and lost alot of money because I could not, in good conscience. risk passing that on to vulnerable others in a plane. At the time I wrote asking advice on MN and one of the responses was 'give him melatonin so he sleeps, cover up his spots with makeup and hope no-one checks'. I couldn't do it.

That said, we can't live our lives constantly on high alert about potential consequences. Otherwise we would not drive cars, take jobs (someone else might need it more for example) etc.

I agree with what you’ve said and it’s a good example about the job and the chickenpox. One of the reasons I used illness as an example is that posters will often post a dilemma like your chickenpox one or one where someone has turned up at another’s house ill and the poster is upset that someone’s done that to them and made them ill. There are nearly always people on those threads that say “how do you know you caught it from them” or “there’s probably someone else on the plane with chickenpox”, as though just because it’s difficult to 100% prove or 100% avoid, they don’t need to consider their actions.

@Herenowatbroad I’m not sure how to!

If you can’t encapsulate a question into a sentence that usually means it’s too broad and vague or non sensical

Perhaps

Well I’ll be interested in any answers…

Maybe that’s just about taking responsibility, OP. But for that you have to a) look ahead to see potential consequences of your actions and b) actually care.

Too many people don’t, can’t or won’t do either of those things.

Funnily enough, I saw a woman on the street earlier whose total selfishness made me (and other people) very ill about 26 years ago. She was the type that was just going to do whatever she wanted with no thought for anyone else. I dare say if the consequences of her actions had been put in front of her she still wouldn’t have given a toss.

But what if you knew that not babysitting your friends kids would be the straw that broke the camels back, and yet you simply weren't in a position to offer that help?

If you can’t help, you can’t help. I’d just had a baby when my mum died suddenly. Shortly after, a friend I’d asked for help couldn’t - it wouldn’t have been the straw that broke the camel’s back though. However, she did arrange for someone else to help (mutual friend) and checked if I was ok with that. I’ll always remember that with gratitude. I also think intent helps. My SIL on the other hand was cold as ice and made a really horrendous time harder.

It could be that the consequence of babysitting could be that the child has an accident, so you’d say no.

Bore off and be mean somewhere else. Absolutely no need!!!

Heavens

Maybe don’t pour yourself another?

I haven’t poured myself anything. I find condescension like yours incredibly annoying. If you’ve nothing nice to say say nothing etc

You didn’t feel like you could respond to the OP’s question?

Do those Mumsnet posters who made disparaging comments about Jason Arday, feel guilty about being part of the pressure put on him in social media which allegedly had a part to play in his death?

I think if we knew all the consequences of every action we would be paralysed and unable to make any decision. Almost everything we do has negative consequences for someone somewhere as well as potentially positive consequences for us and others.

Your response encapsulates the OPs question. You set out to criticise, not answer. Sorry for hijacking OP 😊

So you still haven’t bothered to answer the Op

I read a thread elsewhere about him, the posters were very scathing/laughing at him, then the announcement of his death was made on the same thread. Nobody seemed particularly sorry about their previous comments, so I suppose they felt they still held true.

The OP’s question is tricky. Often, you don’t know the consequence of your action, so imagine you decided on a particular qualification which led to a certain job, then changed your mind to do something different which led you down a different path. Would the original projection have been better? Who knows?

Imagine turning down a proposal-marriage, offer to invest then subsequently the partner/business takes off big time? Would you marry an unsuitable person knowing he/she was going to become seriously rich? Ethical dilemma!

But that works both ways.

If he’d have known the consequences of his lies being the SM witch hunt would he have still lied?

FWIW I never commented on anything when he was alive or since his death.

Bit on answer to your question and OPs thread I think consequences are not black and white.

i think we evaluate most things with the benefit of hindsight.

I would always think through the likely consequences anyway-I've often invited parents who didn't know us (new to area etc) to join us, because I knew it would be good for their child (and the parent). Sure, it means my/my friends/family's kids would make more friends, but I mainly did it because I know that on a minor level, it would make the newcomer's life easier, and on a more major one, loneliness is dangerous, and you never know who is on the edge.

Have you not seen the butterfly effect?
Imagine being aware of how every single tiny action could change the entire course of history

I’ve name changed for this as it is totally specific but this is a question I’ve been pondering on for a few weeks now.
30 plus years ago I was engaged to a lovely guy but eventually I came to realise that I just didn’t love him as much as he loved me he hadn’t done anything wrong but I felt I was too young to settle down so I broke it off. When dating a load of useless men later I realised that it was that I really met him at the wrong time
He was devastated, we tried being friends a couple of years later but it ended really badly.
Anyhow roll on 30 plus years and he recently got in touch via Facebook as he recently moved back to the U.K., 300 miles from me so no chance of showing up on my doorstep. He’s had a lot of medical issues and is now disabled, we message he still seems lovely , my DH has known about it before I first replied so not hidden.
My life with my DH has not been easy and now our kids are grown up we live in the same house but live as friends and haven’t been intimate for many years, but should I not have married him and had my kids and now my grandkids if I knew as a consequence how our marriage would end?
I did wonder if I hadn’t broke it off with my ex and we had stayed together, he wouldn’t have met his then wife moved abroad and then got ill ( direct result of living where he was).
Was it a direct consequence of me breaking up with him, I don’t think so but if back then someone told me that would be the consequence would I have stayed with him to stop him getting ill 30 years later?
immediate consequences are a lot easier to make a judgment on I would think.

I think people don't like to think about this too much.

You can apply it to all sorts of things - How you behave, what you buy, things you do, who you vote for, what you eat etc.

It applies to climate change, community, human rights, animal rights, health etc.

If people thought about these things a little more then perhaps the world would be a better place.

To answer your example, no I absolutely wouldn't send a child who I knew was infectious with COVID to school. But then I am one of the few people who still wears a mask and tests for symptoms etc. because I do think about this a lot (I have a post viral illness and would hate to be the cause of this for someone else and do not want my own condition to deteriorate either). I know not many people think like me, even if people wore a mask when they have symptoms it would be something but I don't even see many people doing that, it makes me feel sad and frustrated and damages my trust in others.

I do think a lot of people feel powerless about many situations though (I feel this too) eg, I do what I can for climate change, but I still run a car because I can't manage without one. And I can't afford an electric one, don't have a driveway to charge it etc.

I am vegetarian, but I should be vegan if I followed that ethical position through etc.

So I do what I can and try not to think of the rest. I think a lot of people just don't think about things too much.

Completely.