Anyone else ready for their adult child to branch out into the world?

[LoveHalloumi]

I feel guilty writing that title- I will miss him.

My son is leaving for university this September- he's been out of school for two years and I feel we're all ready for this!
He's a good boy but not particularly communicative with us and wrapped up in his life and hobbies.
Has anyone else got to this point? It's not really him- he works, he doesn't come home drunk (well, rarely), he has nice friends, he plays sport.
I'm just at my wits' end living with another adult for whom I'm still largely responsible in terms of food and washing- he does do his own sometimes but I don't work so feel I should.
And it's the consistent late(ish) nights- his work doesn't finish until 10.30 pm and his sports are often late- I cannot relax until he's back- he makes too much noise anyway and always has to shower, so I can't sleep.
It looks so mundane written down but this past year- I've gone crazy! I'm still struggling with a surgical menopause- some years later- and we can push each others buttons.
Is this normal and can I have some stories as to how your monosyllabic teens- he's 19, almost 20- left home and returned consummate adults.
Thank you.

My dd graduated a year ago.

When she left for university, I was excited for her and didn't really get all the sad empty nest posts that I was reading at the time. She was already leading her own life to a large extent (if she wasn't studying, she was out with friends, working at her evening/holiday jobs or in her bedroom, on her phone.) I'd enjoyed my time at university and hoped she'd have similar experiences to mine (but not too similar, remembering some of the things that I'd got up to!).

She's now living and working in her university town so I don't see her very often but when I do, it feels like quality time where we enjoy each others company. We've just gone away on holiday together for a couple of weeks and it was lovely. I reminded her of when she was in her early/mid teens, going through a very self conscious stage and used to make me walk behind her if we'd gone out to a nearby town and she thought that she'd seen someone from school (being seen out with her uncool mum would obviously have been very embarrassing). Things are very different now that she's a young adult.

Mine’s at uni and is sooo much more pleasure to be with now he’s only here 1/4 the year. Going away really helped us both. But it feels more like a shared house/lodger when he’s here and I really don’t want him back after graduation, which is what seems to happen these days. It’s like living in a shared house.

I adore my three and they’re no trouble really but they’re all still at home aged 23-27. I get it!
Only one went to uni. Didn’t really miss her! Everyone tells me I’ll be lonely when they’re all gone (I am single) but I really don’t think so. They don’t need me but I get no real peace and I want my house to myself.
There is always someone in the shower or creaking up and down the stairs or frying eggs or coming back late. The washing machine is always on and the hall is full of trainers.
It’s natural to move on at this stage and most of my friends have enjoyed the break when they go off to uni. Just expect him to be back!

Mine is about to go she’s taken a gap year and in that year you can see she has really grown more independent. She’s out much of the time working / seeing friends / gf. sleeps elsewhere around 3 nights a week at least. She has turned veggy so she does alot of her own food shopping and cooking anyway.

i think it’s been a god transition year for her younger sister to get used to her being away as well.

Mine was adamant she wanted to go to a private Sixth Form. It wasn't on our radar, so we told her she had to do the ground work and would need a scholarship and bursury. We were so proud of her as she'd literally done it on her own (well with us filling in forms and driving to varioius schools), but she left just after her 16 birthday - that was a real wrench, but at least she came home for the holidays. Then she went to universary 330 miles away, so not easy to see her so much (one year of which was abroad).

I coped by making sure I had plans to catch up with things in the house, some nice treats for myself (like coffee and cake out) and made a point of seein my friends in the first couple of weeks.

We're at the other end now, she's working, lives about a 2.5 drive away. Really proud of her, she worked hard and it's paid off, has lots of friends.

Thanks @cariadlet your relationship with your daughter was the kind of thing I was hoping to hear about- lovely that you went on holiday together. I have a 17 year old daughter and the embarrassment of being seen with us over recent years is certainly true of her. Son's less like this, I'd say, but getting him to talk to us is like pulling teeth- it's such a cliche but the whole house is just a hotel for him is true.

@clamshell24
I appreciate your post enormously thanks for your honesty- yes, this is where I'm at- it's like having a lodger but one that you also service and kind of worry about- it's just not healthy!! Great that going away has been so good for him (and you!), that's what I'm hoping for. Interesting that when he lives with you for quarter of the year it kind of reverts to how things were- I can well imagine this- it's not just the mess etc, it's having a whole extra adult in your space!

@Yello24
Oh wow so you're in the trenches- solidarity, though it sounds like you've all found a way to live enjoyably- well done. Loving your honesty re not pining for the one that went to university- I suspect this will be me- and let's face it, they don't give us a second thought once they're out the door!! Yes, the bathroom situation- he is in there a ridiculous amount of time and the cooking- I lost it last week when I'd been out for a much needed country walk and came back to both of them cooking- pans everywhere, no-one had bothered to empty the dishwasher- this stuff. Yes, the coming back bit is something on my radar- a part of me likes the idea (I think because I feel it's something in my backpocket, I'm not quite letting go) but a part of me dreads it and I couldn't handle it if he was like he is now- I think it's the lack of communication, just a bit of chat now and again- that would make quite a difference and stop me feeling like a mute drudge!!

thanks @thestraycathouse
so your daughter has also had a gap year- I have to agree that in terms of independence and growing up, this last year has been especially good for my son. I would have worried about him going to university straight after school as he wasn't ready- but now he's definitely ready. You hit on something there- the staying away 3 nights per week sounds perfect. My son never stays over anywhere! The other week he had a party in a different town and I was certain he'd stay over- the evening was bliss (and I was very happy that he'd gone to a party as he doesn't go to many), I went to bed at an earlier time all relaxed and wouldn't you know, 3.30 am he's back, taking a frigging shower! yeah I need a break from this!

@ifonly4
Your daughter sounds lovely and incredibly driven- obviously very independent by 16. I can appreciate that must have been hard and you did well to keep busy. Your experience is kind of the other side of the coin in that she branched out so young where I feel my son is getting a bit over-cooked now! Though- perhaps like a lot of boys he did not have the maturity to go much sooner. You've ended up at a lovely point- with her a manageable drive away especially after such a distant university. To be honest my son's only going to the next city over for university- about 45 mins away so that might be why I'm a bit cavalier about his going- there's a bit of me that wonders if we'll see him a bit as he's nearby but I certainly won't push it.

I might be talking into the void here, but I had to come back and report that my son is on his first holiday with friends- he left yesterday and I already feel so much more relaxed! A preview of life to come, perhaps.
I hope he has a great holiday, I don't mind that he's explicitly said he won't contact us- my partner (his dad) asked half-heartedly, we don't honestly expect it!
I find I almost like not knowing his itinerary- hopefully he'll give us a bit of a rundown when he gets back though.
I appreciate that this isn't the same as going off to university, back possibly in the summer (even that's uncertain) and I'm giving off a bit of bravado here with the holiday as I will find a semi-permanent or even permanent absence hard to deal with.
But still, it's interesting.