Does anyone recognise this unhappy marriage and how did you leave?

[Timemayhavecomenow]

So very unhappy. Husband verbally unkind, he has no interests or friends, would be happy to never leave the house or speak to another soul. We tiptoe around him, kids haven’t once, and I mean never, disagreed with anything he says as just not worth it. He is negative about everything, critical of everyone. Shows zero understanding of my needs and unable to compromise. Social occasions very stressful. I pander to it all, until I don’t, then he shouts and says we should divorce. I then get scared of the future, pander to his needs again.

I’m mid 50s, we have a reasonably comfortable life, I work and earn an ok amount but not enough to pay all our living costs and support kids at uni (many years left). Pension provision rubbish as self employed. He also has no pension, his income becoming less and no guarantee it will continue. Life is affecting my physical health now, now trying hrt to see if I’ll feel happier. I have lots of fabulous friends. Our children are exceptionally wonderful.

I know divorce is the answer, I dream of my own home where mine and the children’s friends can visit and relax. But I’m scared. Haven’t spoken to friends about this in recent years as I feel they’ve heard it all before and feel I never take the next step.

foes this sound familiar to anyone? What did you do?

I think everyone's situation is different. But what i can say is sort your future out. Then the threats become 'so what?' Once he loses that power there could be a fundamental shift. But by that time your excited about a new future and he needs to be left in the past.
50s is not too late to start again. It never is.
You will find you can breathe again if you take that step. Imagine waking up and making breakfast with music on without a dark cloud following you around making sure you stay quiet and feeble.
Which life do you want to look back on in 10 years? Your current or a new one however scary it may be.

Thank you.

Dark cloud sums him up, it used to feel like Harry Potter’s dementors coming in when he got in each evening. Then things improved for a bit, but it’s rarely been good.

and this isn’t how I want my life to be, I want to feel happy, and free to be me without worrying about him.

so, I somehow need to earn more, would be happy to work longer hours but realistically need another £1000 a month which seems impossible.

I’m so sorry op, that sounds fkn awful frankly. The dementor comment reminded me of my ex. I divorced him and life became immediately lighter and happier. It was literally like the cloud over me and my house lifted. However, I am lucky enough to have the career/money to have kept the house, and I am well aware not everyone is in that boat. Please see a lawyer and maybe a financial advisor, and get an idea of what you can do. Life is too short to stay so miserable.

Thank you. Yes, I will. I’m feeling a bit stronger after writing it down and have done a little rightmove research too. I know that I will have many people around me to help me/ support and that just having my own home will be a completely different life.

I need to pluck up the courage to speak to friends and start a plan. It’s all a bit complicated financially and that side of the future does fill me with fear. But I also know I just can’t carry on like this. And wish I had acted years ago.