What would you, as a live-in landlady or lodger, like to see in a good lodger agreement?

[SandDunesAndGorse]

What would you put in a lodger agreement?
Through an unexpected turn of life events, I'm about to advertise a room for a lodger.

I'm curious about what makes for a mutually good atmosphere in a landlady - lodger relationship; I want a home that feels like a home for us both, where a lodger feels comfortable to relax in shared areas, invite friends and take up a bit of space, but, at the same time, avoid grating boundary issues.

I'm quite easy-going and tend to see the best in people, but don't take well to thinking someone is taking advantage of me, so it feels important to get this initial stage right.

I have teenaged DC who will be with me half the time.

If you have experience of sharing your space with a lodger, what would you put in a lodger agreement?

If you are a lodger, are there any arrangements in particular that have turned out to be useful to ensure you feel respected and as if mutual expectations were clarified?

I think have firm boundaries and don't over promise. Start strict and loosen up if you are compatible. It will avoid all sorts of issues.

Sheldon Cooper's room mate agreement
One for Big Bang theory fans.

stick to rules, for example no overnight guests and any guests have to leave at a certain time and can’t arrive until a certain time unless prior aggreement.
Shared use of the kitchen - will this be at anytime or can they only cook at certain times of the day, or are you/ them cooking meals to share?
cleaning schedule for communal areas
noisy activities (music) turned off or lowered at certain time.
can they mix with you and your children in communal living area?
garden and maintenance?
they will need to let you know if they are put what time they are coming back etc, safety of double locking door when teens at home etc

I used the example on Spareroom.co.uk and asked AI to refine it for my situation. The main issues have been leaving the kitchen sides messy or food in the plug hole, but nothing too bad, a quick chat and problem solved. I have 3 lodgers so I made sure I covered all eventualities I could think of and I’m still refining my contract one year later.

Thanks, these are really good points.

About guests -it hadn't occurred to me to be so specific, @stample. It's making me think twice about the extent to which I trust other people's common sense. On some level, I suppose I don't like the idea of curtailing another adult's freedom to have visitors in what is also their home, but I suppose it could be really irritating if they had late-staying visitors very frequently. I suppose I'd need to think about visiting romantic partners wanting to stay overnight too.

I had some really lovely years as a lodger in my 20s and 30s, but I think our set up and compatability was probably unusual, hence asking about other people's experiences.

This thread was prompted by another poster asking about her lodger washing a single pair of shorts -I'm quite concerned about green issues and would like a lodger who shares my thinking in this area, but I think that's probably really hard to stipulate!

Wow, 3 lodgers! How does that work in terms of dynamics -I imagine you've had to choose carefully? I could stretch to a second lodger, but had thought I'd keep a small guest room in case either I or the lodger would like to host visitors, but this might be above and beyond, by the sound of things?

I think it's important to think about what is/isn't acceptable to you at certain hours, eg my adult DS is a real night owl and will often be in the kitchen in the small hours of the morning getting himself a snack. Would you regard it as acceptable for your lodger to be in the kitchen cooking at 2am? If you expect kitchen use to be within more normal hours, you need to spell that out.

Excellent point! I've had to give my teen DC a kitchen curfew for this reason (previously no stranger to 2am kitchen raids), and a condition-of-use: all dishes generated in preparation for and consumption of a meal must be washed up as soon as last morsel is consumed (no dishwasher to justify 'waiting' to wash up).

When I was a lodger it was reluctantly, because it was all I could afford at the time. I preferred to either be in my room or out most of the time.

My landlady had advertised for a lodger because she wanted company.

I was also shocked to find that when I brought a couple of (female) friends up to see my room before we went out for lunch, she was cross that I hadn’t asked her permission first.

I’d absolutely have asked about overnight stays or if I’d been going to cook for them, but it never occurred to me that a quick mid-morning visit would be a problem.

This doesn’t seem to make sense?

I have recently added to my lodger agreement that e-bikes and e-scooters are not to be charged or kept on the property due to the risk of fire.

I know, it sounds like some kind of bot. I ignored it.

@EmpressaurusKitty Oh no, that sounds so awkward. It's precisely the kind of thing I'd hoped to avoid -I'd really want my lodger to feel like they can live a functioning, sociable life based in my house and enjoy hosting their own friends occasionally. I don't need the company, as have my own family, nice friends and a busy career, but am a sociable person so quite enjoy having someone around too.

@Seasidegrandma That's a really good point. I'd not thought about that.

I have enough space for 2 small cars side by side on the drive if parked sensibly -I have wondered how to phrase a parking clause without sounding pedantic.

I found that meeting people face to face was the best way of determining if they were the right fit as lodgers. I would invite them to meet me, see the house and have a chat about what they are looking for and it was surprising how candid people were about themselves. The lodgers that I immediately rejected were the ones who couldn’t afford the rent, had fallen out with their current flatmates, were arrested for road rage, had to ask their husbands permission to move in, even though they were divorcing, still had their mum doing everything for them at 45, etc. It was time consuming meeting people, but worth it in the end.

@takeabreaker That's a sobering account of possible characters. I suppose, being a lodger quite likely isn't everybody's ideal mode of habitation, and there are bound to be so many different types of people looking for rooms for just as many different reasons. Did you 'interview' the people who came to view? Any tips or 'killer questions"?

It’s not that hard - just put in that you would like them to “be mindful of waste, eg. Please wait until you have a reasonably full load of washing for the machine” or similar

I would be really uncomfortable having a virtual stranger living in the same house as my children.

I’d also have thought that a lot of lodgers would be less keen on sharing a house with children.

@SandDunesAndGorse, another thing to consider is whether they want to WFH since that would mean decent WiFi, space for a desk & chair & probably also negotiations about noise levels during their working hours.

@EmpressaurusKitty and @timtamsarebetterthanpenguins My DC are sensible, fairly independent teens who move freely between mine and their DF's place nearby. They're at school / college during the day and mostly out at activities / with friends in their spare time. Any lodger would need to be fine with the 'family home' set up -I suppose I would need to be really clear about it.

My concern about WFH is energy use 😳 -I don't want to sound mean, but I also don't want to share heating bills with someone who spends 40+ hours WFH while I'm out at work, and -quite reasonably- will need to be warm and comfortable while doing so. In the colder months, that could mount up considerably. As the house is currently empty for 8 hours a day, the thermostat reflects this.

@SandDunesAndGorse but would you really be happy with your teenagers alone in the house with the lodger? You don’t work from home and if your kids come and go as they please - they could walk in while this stranger was in the shower or wandering about naked and all sorts.

Good point. Clearly something I need to think about. We often have our own (adult) friends visiting and staying over, so our DC have definitely seen adults who are not members of our family on the landing between shower and guestroom wrapped up in their towelling robe or dressing gown. My hope would be to attract a lodger who will be sensible, and sensitive to the dynamics of teens in the house.

@timtamsarebetterthanpenguins If I think back on the times when I lodged with live-in landladies when I was younger, we didn't stay strangers for long; they had deliberately advertised on platforms where 'people like them' who shared similar values and interests would come across the advert (room for rent card in local farm shop / city farm / arts centre etc). I am going to do similar with local online groups I'm part of (as well as the obvious platforms, of course).
One previous landlady had a child, and was pretty ruthless during the viewing / interview, requiring references from previous landlady and place of work -I think that's absolutely right. We're still close friends 25 years later.

I think you need to be really specific in the lodger agreement - things you think are ‘common sense/courtesy’ really aren’t obvious to everyone. Agree with the previous advice to make the contract very specific, and relax it if needed - but it can be tricky once you are friends to get all “landlord”.

I also think the contract can’t replace being actually compatible people so meeting in person (including meeting your kids, as they’ve got to feel comfortable too) is essential.

I had two lodgers (not at the same time) - one was like having an teenage goth daughter, and the other was a bit of a train wreck in her personal life and ended up (unsuccessfully) propositioning my husband. I wouldn’t say it was smooth sailing but equally it wasn’t a terrible experience either and financially quite sensible for us at the time.