How would you handle this neighbour?

[takingbacktuesday]

I live in a row of terraced houses. It's quiet and in a lovely area. I love nothing more than relaxing in my garden with a book for an hour or so a day while my toddler naps. It's the only time I get to myself, I work in the evenings.

Every day, the second I sit down, next door (couple mid 60s) come out and start chatting to me. They can clearly see I am sitting reading with a coffee but it doesn't register to them at all. For a while I politely chatted and tried to end the conversations but they go on and on and on. This has been going on for several months and when I say it's every time, I mean every time, they must watch for me going out.

I have tried to put headphones in to pretend I can't hear them, it didn't work because he started doing dance moves to get my attention across the fence asking what I was listening to.

Eventually, a few days ago, I really wasn't in the mood and snapped and told them outright that this was the only hour that I had to myself every day and I would very much appreciate it if I could be left in peace to read my book and relax. This started them on about how they used to take shifts so each had time for themselves, I reminded them I'm a single parent so I really needed to recharge and before they could start something else I turned and came back inside.

I've been away for a couple of days and I want to sit in the garden this afternoon. I am going to have to be extremely firm but I don't want to be rude if I can help it.

What would you do?

Sit with your back to them so you cant see them and have your headphones on.

And if that fails, then I guess you have to outright tell them that you'd like to be left alone to read your book and then proceed to ignore them,

Put trellis along the top of the fence and grow something along it - I’d recommend passionflower or evergreen clematis. Then they won’t be able to see you. It’ll take a year for it to grow, but it will be so worth it! Failing that, plant trees along the boundary, or a hedge that you can let grow as high as you like, or at least up to 2 metres.

You need to screen your garden - B&M do fake ivy trellis that would work. I got some for our garden and two years later, it’s completely covered in real ivy from two small ivy plants bought at the same time.
In the meantime get some very dark lensed sunglasses and ignore them.

You will have to totally ignore them, even if they are stripping off and waving their pants in the air.

You need to tell them again politely, that you don't wish to be rude, but you just wanted an hour in peace to yourself, and then turn your back on them and put earphones on.

You could suggest that you would love to talk to them another time, and then maybe invite them round properly at a time that suits you

I have no advice, but feel your pain. My neighbour does the same, but leans out of her upstairs window to chat.
I can't sit in my back garden or go into the front garden to water/garden without her appearing and talking at me for about an hour. Drives me mad. All she wants to talk about is who she's seen on the street and what they have been doing. I think she spends her days just watching people. Bores me to death.

A fence?

Honestly just be firm. Jane and Peter I am reading please do not disturb me when I am reading.This is my only alone time. Thank you and go back to your book.

"Sorry no, I can't talk now, I'm reading my book". Head down resume reading. Short and blunt. Sometimes needed.

Big visible headphones and sit with my back to them.

You could try being polite, and having them round for a drink, and explaining as you did in your first paragraph, that’s it’s your only alone time and you like to read.

Or get screening.

Or failing that start nude sunbathing.

This would drive me fucking mad and I don’t blame you for snapping.

Nude sunbathing might prompt them to do the same! 😬😂

Become a nudist. It is your only option.

"Look I've tried to be polite about it but this is the only hour I get to myself on the day. I don't want to talk. I just want to sit in peace, please leave me alone."

And ignore their incoming chatter.

I told my neighbour to fuck off and she never bothered me again.

You could try a gazebo, place it so the opening faces away from their garden then sit just inside so they can't see you.

Invest in some screens if you can. I would absolutely hate this.

Place your chair as far away as you can from their fence. Put your headphones in (you don't even have to switch them on), have your back to their fence and just ignore them. If by chance they caught my eye, I'd perhaps give a brief wave and ignore them. Honestly, don't engage.

If he does a silly dance then just ignore him. They'll soon get the message.

Spat my tea out! Nice work.

I am close to 60, home alone a lot and used to have a really lovely young couple next door. Think they were about 24/25.
I was always respectful of their space and vice versa. If they were having a summer party they’d let me know in advance, usually by inviting me. They were fabulous and I missed them when they left.
I don’t think age is an excuse for dickhead behaviour like this. They know full well they are imposing and the thought of him dancing about made me heave.
It is a shame as it’s sometimes it’s great to have neighbours you get along with, but not at the expense of your peace. And these two muppets need to get a life.

What was her immediate reaction? I do love this!

Must admit, I’d have no problem doing this, they know where they stand then.

To me, neighbours are just people that live around me and if I don’t need to have anything to do with them, I won’t.

I’d put earphones on and sit with my back to their fence. You could also have your phone handy, as soon as you see them pretend you’ve just got m a call and speak into it, ignoring them.

Extreme but effective! 🤣

Catching it in the moment doesnt work with these types, you need to make a point of pointing it out to them. (You shouldn't have to but I have found it works!)

Id knock on their door and say 'i just wanted to say, if you catch me outside reading my book or sunbathing without the kids, its just the only time I get some peace and I really value it, so if I ignore you please dont take offence, Im just absolutely desperate for some alone time with no chatting as the kids are at me all day long, so just wanted to let you know I will ignore you! Anyway, got something in the oven must dash"

And then ignore them! Maybe get yourself a sun umbrella to block them out?