Should we all be more suspicious?

[Dappy777]

I recently listened to a fascinating interview with an ex-policeman called Paul Fitzharris. He worked in child protection and spent his time tracking down and catching abusers. Something he said really struck a chord. Time and again, he said, he'd been shocked by what people hide – and by how good they are at hiding it. It really got me thinking about how little we really know people. After I'd listened to him, I was making a mental list of the nicest men I know and wondering what they are really like.

Fitzharris said he'd turn up at a house where someone had been downloading indecent images, they'd knock, and a nice, ordinary lady would answer the door. The house would be lovely and clean, there'd be photos of her kids on the wall, and an old labrador would lumber over to greet them. The husband would be a teacher, or a plumber, or a GP, or whatever, and he'd immediately deny everything. He'd be very polite, very articulate, etc. Then they'd take him to the station and look on his laptop and open a door into hell – thousands and thousands of images of babies, of torture, just, well, you can imagine. Fitzharris described it as an "epidemic" and said that it's far more common that we think.

It's really been playing on my mind. Have any of you been shocked to discover something about someone? I had one or two experiences as a girl that still haunt me – moments when I realised that an adult male was not the kind, protective figure I assumed he was.

Generally, I'm puzzled why people aren't more suspicious.

Yep. Fine upstanding pillar of the community. Kind, nice to all and sundry, lovely wife, always ready with help and advice for anyone. Helped to run a local hobby group. Everybody liked him, although one or two of us did have a gut instinct something wasn't quite right, but you couldn't put your finger on it.

A young woman courageously went to the police and told them what he did to her when she was a child.

He turned out to be a paedo who had spent years grooming his child/tween victims. So convincing had he been, that even when he was imprisoned his ongoing potential target and her parents wouldn't believe it.

After the event, it was easy to see what was hiding in plain sight all the time. Until then, he'd been an expert at pulling the wool over everybody's eyes.

Some months later, I bumped into a distant mutual acquaintance and told her he'd gone to prison but not why. 'What for', she said, 'Kiddy fiddling? He was accused of it years ago and got away with it'. 😮

And are so trusting. I myself am included in that as when I think to some of the situations I have put myself in and people I trusted I cringe being honest.

I don't know about suspicious, but we would all do well to trust all and any gut feelings about people/situations.

I am quite cynical and always question the motives of people when something doesn't feel "quite right". Generally a good judge of character, but as OP said, its always a surprise that a charming "normal" seeming person turns out to be a deviant.

I think everyone has skeletons and dark moments. The "nicest" people make me the most suspicious. No one is nice all the time.

I agree with everything the person you quote said but I’m not sure how it relates to being suspicious of people. Yes many, many men view CSA. It might be the plumber or GP in the lovely house next door.

But being suspicious is only relevant in terms of letting him have access to your children, and the vast majority of people are very suspicious in that respect. What does suspicious mean in general? I don’t want to be friendly with you in case you’re viewing CSa?!