How can I best support my adult son after a breakup?

[ShadyMaisy]

Hi. Just looking to see if anyone has any advice on how I can best support my son. His partner of 12 years left him three months ago and he is really struggling, feeling very low and hopeless. The break up came out of the blue. She just announced one day that she felt their relationship had run it's course and she wanted new experiences in her life.

I'm not judging her - obviously she must do what is right for her - but he loved her very much and is absolutely heartbroken. For context, his sister (my daughter) died by suicide two years ago and we are all still reeling from that. From my perspective, this feels like the loss of another member of our family unit and this makes me feel very sad. I am also so very anxious about the effect this is having on my son.

I am trying to make sure that my feelings don't come into this - I know it isn't about me - but I just don't know what I can do to help him through this. I know he is an intelligent 32 year old man but he is still my child and it breaks my heart to see him so unhappy

If you are someone who has been in a similar situation to him, what did your parents do (or not do) that was helpful and supportive to you? Or if you are the parent of an adult child, how did you respond in this situation and how did you cope with your own feelings? Just would appreciate any perspective or advice. Thanks

Just be there for him. Let him know that you acknowledge his feelings, you are available for him to talk to without any judgement, and don't ask any questions or offer advice unless he has asked for it.

if you already have a good relationship he will know he can talk to you and you won't judge, and he will come to you with questions of he has them.

VERY IMPORTANT! Do NOT say anything derogatory about his ex. That won't help.

This is so hard for both of you and you have already been through so much. I agree it’s makes no difference how old they are, it’s horrible seeing them this broken. Agree with above - just be available and supportive and don’t neg the ex, even if he does.

as to your own feelings, for me distraction helped and still helps (son in problematic relationship). All the usual things like sleep exercise and a decent diet really do help plus Ashgwanda and Turmeric lowers blood pressure and reduces anxiety.

So sorry for the loss of your daughter. Just be there for your son. Invite him for coffee/lunch. He is grieving both his sister and the loss of his relationship. Allow him to grieve.